Of Course...Well, Duh!

"Of course you will get tired and burn-out and experience stress."

- said to a group of Catholic homeschooling mothers by a compassionate priest

There is nothing that has stuck with me more from our beautiful DFW Day of Grace for Catholic Homeschooling Mothers last month than this statement. I have circled it in my journal, pondered it in my heart, and wow. This seriously has changed my paradigm.

For years, I have heard fellow homeschooling mothers (but everyone probably experiences burn-out) discuss how to avoid burn-out and keep going. We talk about doing all the things we know we should do to remain at peace in our daily lives, all the many, many things. And I am not saying that burn-out is completely unavoidable, but I now think it is not the end-of-the-line desperation I once saw. It is instead an opportunity to grow in holiness.

The previous two Lents I have been blessed by Elizabeth Foss's Restore workshops, an online course for women experiencing burn-out. She is not running the course this year, but her guidance of spiritual and practical help for making ourselves whole again has been a gift to hundreds of women, proving that burn-out is a reality and a concern for many and that we can heal from it with God's grace. A quick Google search on Catholic homeschooling burnout resulted in over 371,000 results; it's clearly not rare.

Father's focus was not, as I expected, how to avoid burn-out and stress and not fall apart. It was to instruct us to choose to respond differently when we are tired and weary, to choose to respond rather than react. He taught us that God's grace is the help we need to see the stress as a symptom of the sickness of sin and to seek healing by making changes, by stepping back and viewing our stress through God's eyes. This can only be done, he reminded us, when we have a solid friendship with God.

I think that partly inspired my resolution to spend time in Scripture daily, in order to grow in relationship with God. So that is key. But my new paradigm is that instead of causing myself more stress by thinking of all the things I should be doing to avoid burn-out (i.e. eating well, sleeping well, exercising, planning meaningful lessons, keeping up with housework, etc.), I am looking at my stress as a reminder to take a deep breath and deflect the negativity, turning to God in that moment, which is much more frequently, and that's definitely a good thing.

Maybe all of that only makes sense in my head, but it seemed worth putting words down to try to communicate it to my friends, even though never of you ever face burn-out or stress. lol!

What choices do you make when you face stress that help you see it differently, through the lens of God's grace?

How Can We Sin if We Love God?

I think we sometimes forget that our actions must demonstrate and prove our love. It's not that we don't love God all the time, even when we sin. It's that we forget we must act in love at all times. We must strive to remember. Starting each day in prayer and stopping several times throughout each day to pray can help jog our foggy mommy brains.

Think of your children. You love them at all times. You would probably give your life to preserve theirs. But, like all parents, we are human and lose our patience. We sometimes do not always act as lovingly as we feel. This doesn't mean it is okay to yell at our kids; we should discipline firmly but screaming and insulting them (which most of us sometimes do) is unacceptable. So part of this answer is that we do love, we just don't act lovingly.

On the other hand, if we consistently, time after time, do not obey God, then we must not love God as much as we think we do. It is important that we admit our sin and actually TRY to change. We ARE capable of improving.

I try to remember that "Only God is perfect, and I am not Him," but, I also remind myself that I cannot ever give up on myself. God never does. It is our calling to constantly reform our lives towards holiness. This Scripture helps me (Hebrews 12: 1-4):

"1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us,
2 looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.
4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood."

We are told to let go of our sin and not let it weigh us down but also to keep running the race, never giving up. Christ will ensure we do not grow weary if we only ask for His help to persevere.

Praying, though, is the most important thing we can do as mothers. A priest told me once in Confession (oh, and getting to Mass and Confession regularly is the second most important) that our children were given free will just like we were. For them to see us fail and apologize and keep trying is a better lesson than to see that we are perfect. No one is perfect but God. I am not God. They need that lesson to humble them, and in that process, we are humbled, too.

When children see their mothers humble, they will learn humility. This priest also pointed out that we are imperfect people trying to guide other imperfect people to perfection. The process is going to be ugly and require us to change little by little. It was encouraging to hear him remind me that the Christian life is all about perseverance, not giving up, no matter how frustrated we are. It's a grace for our children to see that.

Children are going to disobey and backtalk. The best thing we can do is to admit to our children that being a mommy is the best job in the world but the hardest job in the world. We should ask them to pray for us and to forgive us when we mess up.

Mamas, don't seek perfection, just improvement, little by little, day by day. Choose one thing in your life to focus on for 2-3 weeks before trying to make another change. I get overwhelmed and want it all better now, but that is not the road our Lord has chosen for us. Slow and steady wins the race.

Acknowledging Love

I love leaving the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I hate going, but I love leaving! I used to share that small testimony with the many youth I worked with in college and when I worked at a youth retreat center for a year to encourage them to participate in the Sacrament. I still hate going to Confession. But I love to leave!

And yesterday our family made a rare and inconvenient decision to go all together early to Mass to have the opportunity for Confession. My husband, went first with our daughter, and I occupied the little boys, squeezing into the end of the line once my husband was through, knowing I might not get in before the priest had to leave for Mass.

I did have my Confession heard, and my penance was memorable. It's something we should all be doing every day, but my priest somehow saw into my soul that I was forgetting. He seemed to understand that the cares of the world were crushing me, and while I was staying close to the Lord, a vital part of our relationship was missing. Maybe it is missing in yours, too. 

So I share my penance as a sort of challenge to each of you. I'm guessing that every one of us needs to incorporate this advice into our daily prayer:

Spend some time thanking God for loving you so perfectly. 

Do These 3 Things to Guarantee Homeschool Success!

After reading my title, you're thinking, "Riiiiight!" These types of tip posts abound on the Internet, and I can't believe I am even reading this. I will be on my knees apologizing later for being so trendy. For now, just hear me out. These tips apply to those new to homeschooling and those who have been in the trenches far longer than I have. It's not rocket science.

1. Pray about whether or not you should homeschool and then decide to homeschool. --- I am not one who thinks everyone should homeschool. In an ideal utopian world, maybe, but that doesn't exist in this world. Some families are in a situation where homeschooling is most beneficial to the family and some are not. Every family is as uniquely created by God as every uniquely-created child. Pray, with your husband, and make the decision for your family, for right now. And then, actually decide to homeschool and do it for at least a semester without waffling on that decision. On day three of homeschooling, every school year (semester? month? week?), you will want to quit. Pray some more every year and keep going if you feel homeschooling is what God is asking of you. Sarah has some fantastic advice for when she feels like quitting!

2. Pray about what style of homeschooling and curricula to use, do your research, and just pick something already. --- Almost everything out there for homeschoolers these days is fantastic. There are so many options that it is overwhelming to consider and even test each one. Choose the method that seems like it will work best for your children and you for now, and do not change fifty times in the first year. Start slowly if you feel like you can't go all hog wild. Just trust God to guide your decisions and have confidence that learning is much more about the relationship you have with your children than which math curriculum you use. Over the years you will change things up, but you will not scar your children for life or ruin their futures if you start out classical and end up unschooling, or vice versa. Pam's is my favorite post out there on methods!

3. On tough days, pray your way through. And on good days, pray your way through. --- It has taken me too many years to be committed to reading Scripture daily. God speaks to us in His Word. We need to tune our ears to His voice every day, so we can do this daily grind. We don't need to surf the Internet to solve all the problems. We don't need to turn to Facebook to only post the near-perfect days. First, we need to get on our knees and praise God for our children and the opportunity to homeschool them. We need to beg the Holy Spirit to guide our words and actions and to give us the grace and confidence to raise these precious children. And we need to trust that He will provide all that we need. Mary Ellen has fantastic ideas to pray your way through each day!

As you can tell, my definition of success, for the purposes of this list, is not to get your kids into Harvard or meet some set level of educational standards (or even to get our kids to Heaven, because that's not quite our job anyway; it's theirs, darn free will!). Success is when you do the thing God wants you to do all day every day. And to do that, you simply have to grow close enough to Him through prayer to know what that is, or at least to trust Him to work good out of whatever choices we make.

Have you done or neglected to do any of the above? What was the result?

God's Mercy for Me

The next two questions we considered at our January Potluck Breakfast for Catholic Homeschooling Moms were the following:

How does God show mercy to me?

First, His mercy comes through forgiveness. He is slow to anger, abounding in mercy (Ps. 103). He does not treat us as our sins deserve. Also we receive mercy through the grace He pours out on us daily to alieve our suffering hearts. As mothers, we definitely know that we cannot fulfill our vocation without Christ Jesus. Through the Old Testament lessons I mentioned earlier, we can further see God’s mercy when he brings good out of bad. I love the Mister Rogers quote:

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.

http://www.fredrogers.org/parents/special-challenges/tragic-events.php#sthash.INExazsS.dpuf

And this one from Pope St. John Paul II’s encyclical on God the Father, titled Rich in Mercy (he wrote an encyclical on each person of the Blessed Trinity, and it’s noteworthy that he titled the one on God the Father this):

In this way, in Christ and through Christ, God also becomes especially visible in His mercy; that is to say, there is emphasized that attribute of the divinity which the Old Testament, using various concepts and terms, already defined as "mercy." Christ confers on the whole of the Old Testament tradition about God's mercy a definitive meaning. Not only does He speak of it and explain it by the use of comparisons and parables, but above all He Himself makes it incarnate and personifies it. He Himself, in a certain sense, is mercy. To the person who sees it in Him - and finds it in Him - God becomes "visible" in a particular way as the Father who is rich in mercy. (see Eph. 2:4)

http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_jp-ii_enc_30111980_dives-in-misericordia.html#%24D

And, most importantly, it’s through His constant love that He shows us mercy. Every act of love is an act of mercy.

How do I accept God’s mercy (aka be merciful to myself)?

I think it’s important to know God and constantly seek to know more about God in order to accept His mystery of mercy. Pope Francis wants to teach us about His mercy:

Jesus is all mercy, Jesus is all love: he is God made man. Each of us, each one of us, is that little lost lamb, the coin that was mislaid; each one of us is that son who has squandered his freedom on false idols, illusions of happiness, and has lost everything. But God does not forget us, the Father never abandons us. He is a patient father, always waiting for us! He respects our freedom, but he remains faithful forever. And when we come back to him, he welcomes us like children into his house, for he never ceases, not for one instant, to wait for us with love. And his heart rejoices over every child who returns. He is celebrating because he is joy. God has this joy, when one of us sinners goes to him and asks his forgiveness.

https://w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/angelus/2013/documents/papa-francesco_angelus_20130915.html

We also have to love God and let God love us. I’m going to venture to say that many of us struggle with letting anyone fully love us, much less God’s infinite love. But this is what saves us from ourselves and our own failings as Pope Francis reminds us:

Jesus' attitude is striking: we do not hear words of scorn, we do not hear words of condemnation, but only words of love, of mercy, which are an invitation to conversion. “Neither do I condemn you; go, and do not sin again” (v. 11). Ah! Brothers and Sisters, God's face is the face of a merciful father who is always patient. Have you thought about God's patience, the patience he has with each one of us? That is his mercy. He always has patience, patience with us, he understands us, he waits for us, he does not tire of forgiving us if we are able to return to him with a contrite heart. “Great is God's mercy”, says the Psalm.

https://w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/angelus/2013/documents/papa-francesco_angelus_20130317.html

This is another reason I am always stressing to mamas to love yourselves, make time for yourselves. We need to care for ourselves by taking breaks and enjoying hobbies, finding ways to nourish friendships and nurture our souls. Loving ourselves prepares us to accept God’s love and mercy.

One way to love yourself this Lent and make time for spiritual reflection is to sign up for the Faces of Mercy Catholic Conference 4 Moms here! This online conference gives you unlimited access to over 20 quality presentations for the Lenten season, including a LIVE presentation this Saturday, February 20 by one of my favorite Catholic homeschooling moms, Jennifer Fulwiler! I've decided to highlight this excellent resource on the blog this week, because it fits in so well with our breakfast conversation from last month and is such a flexible, affordable, inspiring conference for moms! And you can get $4.00 off by entering my affiliate coupon code "mother" (any affiliate funds I earn will be used to offset the cost of our breakfast group's conference access, thanks)

Where do you need to acknowledge and accept God's mercy in your life in small and big ways?

What Is Mercy?

Mercy. When I was newly married, I taught a sixth grade religious education class. The book we used was titled God’s Merciful Love and traced the stories of the Old Testament, illustrating how God’s mercy is constant despite man’s wandering and disobedience. In Christian thought there is this constant contrast between the vengeful Old Testament Father and the kindness of His Son in the New Testament that doesn’t make any sense until you dig deeper into the mystery of God’s mercy.

Through teaching that year I learned much about God’s mercy, and over time, the Lord has illuminated more and more to me. For that is the way God works. He uses our everyday circumstances to reveal Himself to us. Our weekly attendance at Sunday Mass at the Mission of Divine Mercy has led me deeper into this mystery, too. This Jubilee Year of Mercy is an exciting time for me to allow the Lord to teach me more, and lately I have been thinking about the questions I have about God’s mercy.

Let’s start with: What is mercy? I love this explanation:

It wasn’t until recently, when I heard a priest’s homily about mercy that I finally had a concrete definition to apply to my thoughts and actions in daily living. This priest broke down the Latin word for mercy, which is misericordia, derived from the two words miserere (“pity” or “misery”) and cor (“heart”). He then proceeded to say that when we ask for God’s mercy, we are essentially asking him to relieve us of a heart that is in misery. And our hearts can be in a state of misery not just from sin, but from the deep hurt caused by a broken relationship with a family member, from the suffering of infertility, from the pain of a physical or mental illness, from losing a job, from being betrayed or abandoned, from spiritual or physical poverty, and so on.

Now when I think about mercy as “relieving someone from a heart of misery,” I realize that I’ve experienced God’s mercy much more than I could ever count. And I’ve also realized that I, in turn, have given mercy to others in more ways than just by forgiving someone who has wronged me.

http://dynamiccatholic.com/year-of-mercy/best-advent-ever/what-does-mercy-mean

For another definition, in St. Thomas Aquinas’ Summa Theologica, we find:

I answer that, As Augustine says (De Civ. Dei ix, 5), mercy is heartfelt sympathy for another's distress, impelling us to succor him if we can. For mercy takes its name "misericordia" from denoting a man's compassionate heart [miserum cor] for another's unhappiness. Now unhappiness is opposed to happiness: and it is essential to beatitude or happiness that one should obtain what one wishes; for, according to Augustine (De Trin. xiii, 5), "happy is he who has whatever he desires, and desires nothing amiss." Hence, on the other hand, it belongs to unhappiness that a man should suffer what he wishes not. (emphasis mine)
http://www.newadvent.org/summa/3030.htm

In his Easter 2013 Ubi et Orbi message, Pope Francis challenges us:

God’s mercy can make even the driest land become a garden, can restore life to dry bones (Ez. 37:1-14) … Let us be renewed by God’s mercy, let us be loved by Jesus, let us enable the power of his love to transform our lives, too, and let us become agents of this mercy.

https://w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/messages/urbi/documents/papa-francesco_20130331_urbi-et-orbi-pasqua.html

"What is mercy?" was the first question we discussed at our January Potluck Breakfast for Catholic Homeschooling Mothers, and I'll share our subsequent conversation in the coming days. To further your own understanding of mercy, consider signing up for the Faces of Mercy Catholic Conference 4 Moms here! This online conference gives you unlimited access to over 20 quality presentations for the Lenten season including a LIVE presentation this Saturday, February 20 by one of my favorite Catholic homeschooling moms, Jennifer Fulwiler! I've decided to highlight this excellent resource on the blog this week, because it fits in so well with our breakfast conversation from last month and is such a flexible, affordable, inspiring conference for moms! And you can get $4.00 off by entering my affiliate coupon code "mother" (any affiliate funds I earn will be used to offset the cost of our breakfast group's conference access, thanks)

What is your definition of mercy? Has it always included only forgiveness or also this idea of "relieving someone from a heart of mercy"?

My Lenten Moments

As mothers, there are these moments we give to God, often without realizing it. Whenever we go against what our selfish desires beg for and do what is most important in that moment, our sacrifice is for Jesus. It's better, of course, if we are conscious of the gift in the moment, but I believe even if we are not thinking of it, the Lord is pleased.

This Lent, my goal has been to spend two thirty-minute chunks of time sitting in a designated chair for prayer. I've managed to do this about 50% of the time, so far, and it has been wonderful. My natural inclination, of course, is to berate myself for the 50% of the time I fail to meet my goal, but I am trying to be gentle with myself and grateful for the time I do get with God.

Now, you might be thinking about how impossible this would be for you. You have small children. You have too much to do. You can't sit still. You dread the thought of waking up early. You don't want to give up your "free" from children time. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too.

The wonder of this practice is that I am consciously deciding by the physical act of putting myself in the chair that this time is for God. I get interrupted. The 12 year old and 9 year old know to try to leave me alone as best as possible, but the 4 year old and 2 year old do not. But, knowing I am deciding to be in the presence of God, I respond to them with love, more often than not.

While I have been counseled by countless priests to stop thinking of prayer as something to check off of my to-do list, the reality is that I have to have a plan or it doesn't happen. Fortunately, such wise counsel reminds me that while prayer is something I have "to do," by setting the time limit, I let go of the litany of prayers I think I should accomplish: pray divine office or Scripture, write in my Lenten Journal, read Fr. Barron's daily reflection, do my spiritual reading, etc... and I sit. Sometimes I write, read, and pray quietly. More often than not, I write a few words in a journal, respond to 20 questions, pray a quick aspiration, read a book about fire trucks, read a Quiet Time post from the Restore Workshop, redirect sibling battles, and close my eyes to rest in the Lord. It works, somehow.

Sitting still is the hardest part. And I do get up to tend to little ones, but I sit back down. I force myself into that chair and remind myself that my goal is not thirty uninterrupted minutes but thirty minutes given to God, whatever I do during that time. It has been blessed.

At first, I didn't wake up early. I am not a morning person. But now, after enjoying some snippets of time with God, I find myself more motivated to get up early to hope my thirty minutes can be uninterrupted and more peaceful. Of course, like this morning, as soon as I pour a cup of tea, often my little ones wake up, no matter how early I get up!

And, I am trying to put the littles down for their naps and going straight to my chair, but it's much easier for me to sit first thing in the morning. The second thirty minutes is a much bigger sacrifice, because once I'm moving, it's really hard for me to slow down and choose sitting over doing. When I do, as we all know, the rest of the day usually goes more smoothly.

What Lenten practice has been the most helpful to you, so far, this season?

Divine Mercy for Our Children

I am not putting up any links today. Instead I want to share a gift of understanding the Lord gave me at Mass on Divine Mercy Sunday. I was appropriately pondering the mercy of God and how He continues to embrace us despite our weaknesses. My reflection focused on how I continue to fall short in the same areas over and over again.


Whoever approaches the Fountain of Life on this day will be granted complete forgiveness of sins and punishment. (Diary,300)

Just then, my toddler needed redirecting. Mission accomplished, I refocused on the homily. Jesus' mercy is open to us all at all times. It is a free gift given generously, not begrudgingly to us. He looks upon us with love when we accept His mercy despite our numerous failings.

Souls that make an appeal to My mercy DELIGHT me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion (Diary, 1146).

Just then, my toddler needed redirecting. He was a little more indignant this time, wishing to do it "his way." When he settled down, I began to listen again. Jesus' love for us is tender and ever-patient. We cannot imagine the magnitude of His mercy. It is waiting for us to submit to His love.

O my Jesus, the life, the way and the truth, I beg You to keep me close to You as a mother holds a baby to her bosom, for I am not only a helpless child, but an accumulation of misery and nothingness.(Diary, 298)

Just then, my toddler needed redirecting. I started to feel frustrated. I could feel the heat inside. Why won't he just sit still? Right. He's a toddler. In Mass. But, I have to correct him over and over again in the same way. It gets old. Right. I am his mother. It is so challenging to repeat the same redirection over and over with such little change in his behavior. I love him, so I must persevere. And, here is where the 2x4 hit me in the head.

I demand from you deeds of mercy, which are to arise out of love for Me. You are to show mercy to your neighbors always and everywhere. You must not shrink from this or try to excuse or absolve yourself from it. (Diary, 1317)

This is how Jesus must feel when I repeatedly sin. He is the perfect parent and looks upon me not with frustration or scorn but with pure love. Perfect love from the Father is merciful love. I am called to share that mercy with my children, but most importantly, I must first accept it from Him Who loves me perfectly. Every day, no matter my inadequacies, He offers His mercy to me.

My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners…[I]t is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. (Diary, 367)

If I can accept His mercy every day, He will enable me to pass His mercy on to my children. I can pass on His gift of mercy to others only when I allow it to pour over me on a daily basis. I simply must acknowledge that I need His perfect mercy every single day of my life and will continue to need it until the day I die.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Blessings,

Only Three Came...But They Came

Our homily at Mass yesterday, Feast of the Epiphany, was wonderful! Father kept reminding us that only three wise men saw the star and had enough wisdom and prudence to follow it to Bethlehem. Surely others saw the star in the sky, but only these three had enough perseverance to figure out what it meant. They were THE three wise men! Well, not quite.

As Marcel points out, actually following the star led them to evil Herod. They were experts in astrology, which today has evolved into horoscopes and other maladies. It was only when the scribes recited Scripture that the wise men knew they were to go to Bethlehem to find the newborn king!

And, Matt hysterically reminds us that their visit to evil Herod actually caused the massacre of the Holy Innocents, and it took an angel's visit for them not to go back and report on the newborn king's exact location. Their wisdom was clearly in heeding the angel's caution.

But seriously, we honor these men, for one simple act. They bowed down and worshipped the Baby Jesus. They did not entirely understand who He was or what He was going to do, but they recognized His royalty. It is a daily reminder to us to bow down and worship, to submit ourselves to the authority of Christ the King, even when we are completely bewildered by Him and/or His plans for our lives.

Do you have the wisdom to spend 10 minutes a day with Jesus?

Blessings,

A New Year's Gift

Happy New Year’s! I received a gift from Jesus on Sunday, and I want to share it with you.
We had a wonderful Christmas, enjoying intimate family time here at home before I took the children to visit the grandparents while Daddy went back to work. The time visiting was hectic but so blessed by love and laughter! Coming home was a great shock to my system, as my husband quickly noticed I needed a vacation from my vacation.

In fact, for a couple of days, all of the things I needed to accomplish before the new week could begin were swimming in circles in my head, not unlike those sugarplums dancing just a week prior. I thought about them, complained to myself how much there was to do, and did... Absolutely.Nothing!
I was overwhelmed, much like a deer in headlights, a character trait of mine I often lament. There was conference work to be done, homeschooling plans to make, bills to pay, laundry to do, email to answer, and football to watch. It was simply inconceivable to me how I survive on a daily basis with so many responsibilities.
Confession. I did not do absolutely nothing. I watched football, drank Shiner, and napped for a couple of days. And I did a few loads of laundry, so we all had clean necessities.
Then, it was Sunday. Sunday, of course, is a gift in and of itself, but all I could see was Mass, more football, more Shiner, and more napping! Hooray! The rest was way too much to face. If I ignored it, would it all go away?
As these thoughts were swimming in my head, I walked into Mass somewhere just before communion.
Explanation. Unfortunately, my youngest child has not yet mastered a good night’s sleep, and so if he falls asleep during the thirty-minute drive to Sunday Mass, we let him sleep. The alternative is waking him up, which results in a grumpy boy who will not stay quiet or still in Mass anyway and must be taken out.

Anyway, I say my Rosary in the van and try to pray while waiting for him to wake up. Usually, I get to hear at least half of the homily, because he naps about 45 minutes total. On the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God, however, he slept longer. So, we walk in, stay at the back, and I try to enter into worship for the last few minutes of Mass.
I try to shed all the moaning I just did in the van, telling God I just have no motivation to get started on any of the daunting tasks in front of me in the days to come. Jesus, please help me, I beg. With that slight opening of my heart, He enters. An angelic voice from the choir begins singing the Ave, and it hits me.
None of my concerns have anything to do with this.
I am before God Almighty working out my salvation, and nothing else is nearly as important.
At all.
This gift, this realization, gave me new life. It was just a moment, but on my knees, snuggling a still groggy toddler, gazing upon His Body and Blood in the Eucharist, I knew I could do it all for Him. I could do it all with Jesus.
That night, after a day of naps, Shiner, and football (and some giggly family time), I made a to-do list, and I dove in head first. A few days later, I have still not made a sizable dent in that list, but these tasks will not defeat me. One thing at a time, He will see me through.
Is your list too long? How do you maintain the proper perspective while dealing with the day to day? Jesus, I trust in You!


Blessings,

Already a Word...the Word for 2012!

I can hardly believe it, as lately I have been unable to make decisions or proper plans in advance. In fact, it has been a theme for 2011 for me. It took me all of January to settle on my word for 2011.

Nevertheless, I have chosen a word for 2012, or rather, He chose me.

Jesus

It hit me during Christmas Mass that this is the Word I need for myself and for my family. He needs to be more present in our minds and our actions, especially mine, and I want to call upon Him name more often and worship His name more fervently.

My youngest, 18 months, can say maybe two dozen words. Jesus is one of his favorites, as he shouts His Name upon seeing a crucifix or nativity scene! I am so excited to see how God can lead me closer to His Son in the new year, especially through my sweet children.

What ideas do you have for making Jesus more present during our daily, busy lives? Thank you for your suggestions!

Blessings,

Asking for God's Will

Lately, I am having difficulty being specific with my prayers. I know the Lord wants to hear my needs and the cries of my heart, but it all sounds so selfish when I ask Him for what I think I need. Really, I have no idea what will best lead me to holiness, lead me to Him. Only He knows.

I can ask for healing for a friend's mother if it be His will, but I fail to ask God to help me not to yell and to help my sweet son sleep through the night. I am pretty sure I over analyze my requests. Part of me feels the yelling is up to me to stop, but, of course, I can do nothing without Christ, which is probably why I still holler orders across the house at my children! What if, right now, lack of sleep will lead me to holiness faster than a good night's sleep? It certainly gives me more opportunity to choose virtue in challenging situations (not that I choose it more often, just that the opportunity is there).

I am also constantly working on being grateful for my many blessings and content in the present moment. So, to pray for things to be different seems somehow to contradict this goal in my feeble mind. Yet, I cannot deny that being content with my own faults is contrary to unity with God. Being grateful for gifts and sufferings while asking for aid in overcoming faults and sufferings surely is a balanced prayer life.

Often I do not feel I know how to pray anymore, knowing that God knows what is best for me. My favorite prayer of late is simply repeating, "Jesus, I trust in you." He knows my heart; he knows me better than I know myself and knows what will lead each one of us to our salvation. I let Him lead.

But, I also must follow. I cannot sit idly by expecting Him to drag me along. That is the temptation, I think, of nonspecific prayer. Instead of decidedly walking in Christ's path, I wander aimlessly around, expecting to be guided as a blind woman. I am blind if I cannot see the way to Christ.

He cherishes each one of us and rejoices when we give Him our hearts, not one time, but daily over and over, exposing the vulnerability in making requests for what will delight us. True, He knows what is in our hearts, but the action of supplication unites us more closely to Him. For even Jesus asked Our Heavenly Father to let the cup pass from Him.

Is it as simple as ending each prayer with "thy will be done?" Perhaps. I believe it is more, though, about the disposition of our hearts. I simply am not at peace asking God for little things when there is so much need in this world. Obviously, He is asking me to grow in this way.

Lord, please help me to muster the courage within me to ask you for the desires of my heart. Just as I teach my children to make wish lists for their birthdays and Christmas without expecting to receive everything (or anything) on these lists, send your Holy Spirit to move my tongue to tell you my wishes. Even though you already know the list, I want to offer you the act of love of sharing it with you. I want to love you more!

Have you learned to make requests of God without feeling like you are rattling off a shopping list? If so, please share your wisdom!

Blessings,

His Will Be Done in Everything

Speaking this week of God’s will, I am beside myself with excitement about the San Antonio Catholic Homeschooling Conference I am co-chairing this May! We hope this conference will be the “First Annual” and will start official publicity soon. So, this little post is unofficial publicity.

The whole thing started with a casual conversation. My co-chair and I were just acquaintances, and a small group of moms was chatting at our Catholic homeschooling co-op about the upcoming conference season. We all agreed there really should be a conference in San Antonio, as there are ones in Dallas, Houston, and Austin. The only question remained who would initiate such an undertaking?

Well, the conversation just kept going from there, and we agreed to pray about taking on the project. In fact, we very specifically agreed to pray that God’s will be done. We were (and continue to be) confident from the beginning that the Lord will lead us if we trust in Him.

Through prayer, we both felt that the timing was right, and after discussing it with our families, decided to begin researching how to put on a Catholic homeschooling conference. We put out a survey to as many local Catholic homeschoolers as we could to ask them if they would support a conference and to share ideas for our planning. The response was very positive with over 80 individuals saying they would like to attend!

Pretty soon, the Lord inspired a friend to mention the idea to a friend who mentioned she had just spoken with the principal of a local Catholic high school who was interested in collaborating in some way with homeschoolers. Still believing that God would open doors if we were on the right track, I contacted the principal who promptly offered us the entire school for free any weekend of our choosing for our conference. This was an absolute confirmation to us to proceed, and so we chose a date and began to assemble a leadership team.

Those who responded to the survey were asked if they would like to be on the leadership team, and so our team began with a few of our friends and some remarkable new friends, all very talented, motivated, and devoted to the vision and success of the conference. In fact, as we continued to pray for God’s will, each person that stepped forward to join our team perfectly filled a needed role from website design to hospitality needs.

Soon we had chairs for the vendor, speaker, and registration committees and a volunteer to chair a fundraising committee, which we had originally not planned to have. We had additional volunteers serving with these chairs and only lacked chairs for the publicity and hospitality committees.

Meanwhile, my love of books urged me to put together a used Catholic homeschooling curriculum sale to benefit the conference and give us a little seed money. It was a remarkable sale where many families donated books for us to sell and others allowed us to keep a commission of their books that sold. Once the sale was over, I posted the unsold donated books online, and in the end, we made almost $1000 to benefit the conference. Another confirmation we were on the right track!

At this point, we felt it prudent to seek approval from the archdiocese, given that we are a Catholic organization operating within the archdiocese. Again, our entire team prayed fervently for God’s will. Although the prospect of the meeting was intimidating, we had a very fruitful discussion with a Bishop, and he approved our plans, promising to share them with the Archbishop and wishing to continue our relationship.

With a still very limited budget our first year, we knew we would have to invite almost exclusively local speakers or those willing to waive their speaker fees. Another casual conversation among mothers at co-op about this limitation resulted in one mom stepping forward and offering to donate the speaker fee if we could get someone really well known. She invited us to dream big and within a few weeks we had confirmed Dr. Ray Guarendi to be our keynote speaker thanks to her anonymous generosity!

God continues to surprise us as we move forward. We have one family donating hotel rooms for speakers and two other families donating frequent flier miles to fly in speakers. A couple stepped forward to chair our publicity committee, and a dear friend accepted our invitation to chair our hospitality committee. Our meetings are always professional, and our team has been outstanding in completing the tasks assigned. We recently gained the support of a holy young priest to say our closing Mass and give an inspiring talk. We have been truly, remarkably blessed!

I share this lengthy story to point out that even in such practical matters, if we continually seek God’s will and give Him our fiat, He will provide. When we officially announce the conference, I will be sure to post it here! Please pray for our efforts and pray that God’s will be done! Our primary goal is to glorify Him.

Blessings,

My Quest for Quiet

How can a busy wife and homeschooling mom find quiet? It seems next to impossible. On Thanksgiving Day, after cooking all day and feeding my family, I put the baby in the stroller and took a short walk around the neighborhood. The quiet was so alluring that it was difficult to go back home.

In that quiet, I could really talk to God, honestly. I knew He was with me, near me, could truly feel his presence.

Late at night when I am up with my wakeful toddler, I try to pray. I can get through one or two decades of a Rosary with a sincere heart. Then, I either get too tired or too frustrated to pray meaningfully. My words are empty.

In the morning, if I remember to stay in my nursing chair for just a few extra minutes to pray an offering, I am already being pulled in several directions by the needs of my family. Breakfast, schoolwork, laundry, and more beg my attention. Two minutes is something but not enough.

We periodically have quiet time in the middle of the day, but when the toddler is ready for his nap, my older two children are still finishing schoolwork, often needing my assistance. Taking time away from them for prayer escapes me. Most often I just escape online, an easier way to “get away.”

Several times in my life as a mother I have made early morning quiet time work for me, before anyone else is up. That time has been like precious gold and fed me in miraculous ways. It has not worked, however, in quite a while. I am generally trying to keep the wakeful toddler quiet long enough for everyone else to sleep.

And, so this Advent, I am begging God to show me the quiet. I want to be with Him and talk with Him, to share my joys and struggles, to open myself to His love and His mercy, both of which I so desperately need. I know He is all around me; I pray for my eyes to see and my ears to hear.

I have all confidence that God will give me opportunities for quiet. He wants me to be with Him even more than I desire to be with Him (but I am the one who *needs* Him). My greater prayer is for the self-discipline to accept these gifts of quiet, to allow myself moments with my Lord.

I pray for you, my friend, that in ways and times that suit our seasons in life, we may both embrace the quiet we are given to be with the Lord in peaceful anticipation of the Birth of His Son.

Blessings,

My Word for 2011 - Little Part 1

As I said before, I have found a word for 2011. I am writing about it a bit late, because I don't know about you, but our family has been hit with every sick bug around this winter. We are usually really healthy, so this season has thrown me completely off.


(insert photo when blogger cooperates)

Without further ado, here is the first of four reasons I am trying to focus on the word    little    this year.

1. I must decrease. He must increase.

Some days I see how much bigger I think I am than I really am. Ann so sincerely shared my thoughts a few weeks ago much better than . While my job is incredibly important, I cannot allow my ways to get in the way of God's ways.

I recently shared with a friend that I find myself caught between two truths. First, God will not give me more than I can handle. Second, I cannot do anything without God. These truths require faith to blend them together seamlessly, and I have been doing a lousy job. Typically, I teeter between believing I can do so much more than is humanly possible and desperately begging God to help me fix everything.

Instead, I need to become little and allow Him to take over and be bigger than me. My controlling nature struggles with this in the small moments of everyday life, although I think I have a decent handle on submitting to God's authority on the big stuff.

Sometimes He Just Needs My Words

(blogger is not letting me post photos again, sorry)

I have a love affair with words. I like to speak them. I like to read them. I like to write them. I like to hear them. But, it occurred to me today when I was rocking the baby that my prayer life as of late has been without my own words.

Now, that is not always wrong. Different seasons in our lives require different methods of prayer. The Lord will lead us to pray the Rosary when He feels we need the meditation. He will lead us to pray in silence when our spiritual life needs such food. And, He will invite us to share the depths of our hearts with him, too.

My prayer life used to be full of my words. For many years, I spent most of my prayer time pouring out my heart to God, and it was good. At some point, however, I noticed that my words ceased being words of faith and praise but merely words of worry and whine. So, I stopped.

I turned to spiritual reading and meditating on Scripture and the Rosary, all very good things. Of course, with a new baby, I lost my rhythm of these prayers. My mother's hear merely exhaled aspirations throughout my days...and sleepless nights, also good. About a month ago, however, I began longing for more.

And, in keeping with my realization that it took me about a month to get started in this new year of 2011, today, I hear the Lord ask for my words again. My own words formed in this mother's heart and spoken in the voice of my soul while I rock a fussy baby to sleep once again. After all, I had become frustrated unable to hold a Bible or book without little hands grabbing fistfuls of delicate pages.

He needs to hear my words. In fact, He longs for them like I long to be close to Him. Sometimes nothing else will work to bring us closer together but the words that I conceive in my heart. Lord, help me to speak words of faith and praise in prayer today.

What season of prayer are you called to these days?

Dear My Sons & Daughter,

I want to tell you something important. You are a child of God. You are really not all mine. I love you oodles and caboodles, but He loves you infinitely more. And, His love is perfect. It will never, ever fail you. Mine is imperfect, and I fail you daily. But, that is what God has created - the imperfect trying to lead the imperfect to His perfection.

All of your lives you will seek a greater union with God. Sometimes you will be consciously aware of this desire, but sometimes it will be an empty ache for which you cannot identify the cause. The search never ends. Each day is a new beginning. The Christian life is entirely about perseverance. We sin daily, but we pick ourselves back up, dust off our clothes, and begin again. You and I are blessed to run this race together and help each other up when we fall. We seek the same eternal reward of His ultimate love.

Never stop desiring God. If your heart feels cold or dry, ask Him to light it with His fire. For we face daily struggles and overcome some of them through diligence and virtue, but God is the one who changes hearts. It is our job to simply allow Him to be present to us, always giving Him opportunities to shower His graces upon us, not attempting to endure on our own strength.

As I sit here in the early morning darkness, I offer prayers for you. I ask God to bless your lives, to guide you gently towards Himself (more gently than He has and is guiding me, if possible). You belong to Him, not to me. You were His child long before you were mine, conceived in the mind of a generous God before being conceived in my womb. He has simply honored me by allowing me to be a vessel of His love for you. I pray you daily see His love despite my weak will.

Love and prayers,
Your Mom

Deer in Headlights

That's me! I am suffering from New Year's-itis. A couple of weeks ago, I almost "sat down and made a list about everything that's wrong. What's wrong with me. What's wrong with you. And how that list went on..." (Marie Bellet) I have been reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project and trying to figure out how to modify her ideas to make my own Holiness Project! Surely, if I just make myself a to-do list of all the things I want to change about myself, that will work, right?

Yikes! Listen to me! No wonder the priest started out with "You know yourself very well" during my Confession last weekend!

It is the New Year. In fact, I have spent the past 25 days pondering this fact. Wise women are discussing resolutions, sharing changes that worked. Many other bloggers are choosing a "Word for the Year" to guide their thoughts. And, I have been stuck in indecision.

I have been trying to figure out where to start. What goals are reasonable for this year? What fault do I need to correct first, because I certainly cannot fix them all at the same time!?

And, so, I have spent almost all of January trying to figure out how to have a better year than last year (and last year was pretty good), how to be a better person than last year (never-ending process), and I have failed miserably. I have failed in making resolutions and amending my life, because it is all too overwhelming. I can not seem to prioritize and just start something, anything.

Then, in the darkness last night, nursing and praying, inspired by Elizabeth's post, I asked God for a word. Words, you see, are very important to me. I love words! It only took a few minutes, and I am very surprised by the result (I'll explain its meaning in my next post) ....

LITTLE

Sometimes I Just Don't Get It!!!

If you hadn't noticed, I haven't been blogging. True to the New Year and organizational revisions like Charlotte and others, we are working on a new schedule (which isn't working so well yet) and I have yet to squeeze in time for writing. The schedule is a work in progress, of course!

This morning during my prayer time, though (that is a new thing that IS working well!!!), I read something in Scripture that hit me like a 2x4 that I want to share with you:

Mark 8: 14-21
14 Now they had forgotten to bring bread; and they had only one loaf with them in the boat.

15 And he cautioned them, saying, "Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod."
16 And they discussed it with one another, saying, "We have no bread."
17 And being aware of it, Jesus said to them, "Why do you discuss the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened?
18 Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember?
19 When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?" They said to him, "Twelve."
20 "And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?" And they said to him, "Seven."
21 And he said to them, "Do you not yet understand?"

I feel completely like these poor apostles! Here they are complaining about forgetting to bring bread on the boat. Fretting, worrying, panicking that they will be hungry. And, Jesus JUST moments ago fed 4000 people with 7 loaves of bread and a few fish! They clearly just don't get it!
 
And, neither do I. Our first two days back to school this semester have been brutal. My expectations are high. The baby is teething. The students are definitely not as excited as the teacher. And, I am lamenting over how my children will ever learn anything. How they work so.very.slowly. How smart they are and what potential they have that I am failing to bring to fruition!
 
Yet, until this morning, I had not really offered this work to God. Sure, I begged him for help as I lost my patience and told Him to fix everything when I walked away from a tantrum or two (or three, but who's counting?). Today, finally, after reading this Scripture, I decided enough was enough. It was time for God to be in charge, not me, because I was doing a miserable job.
 
We still started our day with P.E. this morning to wiggle and dance off a little energy after breakfast, but then I had the children write a prayer to God for us to say for our homeschooling each day. I told them it would help our school days to be more fun. They each took pen to paper and without reading what the other wrote or sharing came up with these:


translation of the first: "Dear God help us to do schoolwork"

 From the mouths of babes! How did you start your school day today?

One Week Left - Thoughts from Katie

One of my IRL friends (before we were both bloggers) "mentioned" me in a post this week that was an excellent reminder in this busy season (I'm "A friend"). Her quick reminder can help us be sure to stay on track or get back on track, keeping Christ as the center of Christmas!!! I have mentioned before this priest's advice. My moment of fame:

A friend was told by a priest once that she needed not an hour of adoration, but an hour and fifteen minutes of adoration every week. Why? This is the most interesting answer I’ve ever heard, and I think of it often when I am sitting in the Presence of our Lord, distracted as all get out.

It takes an hour to get the octopus of the world off your back.

Then you can have focused prayer for the next 15 minutes.

The octopus of the world.

Do you know it?

Read the rest.

She also posted this gem today that is perfect inspiration as we approach the last week of Advent. Thank goodness that I read it today! Since we have been sick for the past week and are still recovering, I am having to rewrite all of my "to-do" lists to be more realistic about what I can fit in before Christmas Day. She begins:

What are you doing next week to make Christmas holy? I always find a need to refocus on the point of the celebration, don’t you?

I want you to make a new list today.

I know, I know. You’re drowning in lists.

I promise, just one more.

Make a list titled “How to Have a Holy Christmas.”

Read the rest