Happy Tears

I disappeared for a while, preparing to host Thanksgiving dinner for my family (first time as a married woman), but everyone is on their way home, and I needed to sit down! So, hello again! I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving! I did. Good food, loving family, great wine, crisp weather, and an Aggie W made for the perfect day!!!!!

In the past 24 hours, three random things have brought joyful mistiness to my eyes. I tend to think that these types of tears are always inspired by that which is true, good, and beautiful, the ancient criteria to prove something comes from God, our awesome Creator.

I am curious. What causes happy tears for you? Are those things true, good, and beautiful?


Exhibit 1.

This:



Exhibit 2

Seeing a good friend's beautiful baby bump for the first time (in a picture on FB)! I last saw her over the summer when she first announced her pregnancy. She just looks gorgeous! (this isn't her, but you get the idea)

Exhibit 3

Watching Therese and John in their pjs snuggle with grandma, grandpa, uncle J, and good books in my living room! Is there anything better? I turned to my husband and said, "This is why we moved back to Texas."

True. Good. Beautiful.

Grateful for His Mercy

I needed to read this today, and I was nearly sobbing by the end. Hungry for Salvation?

Moments for Moms --- Begin Again

The joy of Easter is still with us, but reality sinks in. The children are cranky from too much sugary treats and lack of routine over the last two weeks. Mom is realizing just why she always schools almost full-time through the summer (except this year) as the calendar reveals how little time we have to get done so much. It's raining, and all the children keep begging to do is play outside. Sigh!

Anyone feeling overwhelmed on this Monday? Me, too.

I could try to encourage you to keep plugging away (but I'm tired). I could tell you that it will be better tomorrow (but it might be worse). I could remind you that each of us was put in this place at this time by God, and that He has a reason for the character-building days you face.

Instead, I'll share some inspiration from other blogging mamas who have much more wisdom and experience in these trying times than I do. Although, I have written on this topic before.

1. The path is narrow. Allison posted about this list last month, and I SO appreciated her positive spin on it. If we are truly working towards our sanctification, it is going to be hard work.

2. Of course, Ann never ceases to amaze me with her simple, poetic honesty. All we must do is the very next thing...for Him.

3. Elizabeth's thoughts are truly priceless both on her blog and in her book. Namely, "The soul is healed by being with children," wrote Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Stay away from that which discourages and surround yourself with encouragement.

4. Karen reminds me to choose one or two things that will ensure a smoother day tomorrow. I am soon off to make a very short list!

5. Finding balance requires sacrifice and hard stops. Only prayer can make this possible. Thanks for reminding me, Jennifer!

And so, I will begin again, immediately, to serve God in this vocation He has most definitely chosen for me! His mercies may be new each morning, but I'm claiming them right now!

8 Weeks from Today!

Can it really be? I'm teary when I think of that day. Eight weeks from today I should be holding my sweet little baby boy in my arms. My cup is overflowing.

Honestly, I also have butterflies in my tummy (not just from tiny feet kicking), although they are welcome butterflies. It has been five years since I have held my own newborn. I have been longing for this time, this big belly in the way, the aching back, the sore feet. Now, I embrace it all with joy that surprises even me, stopping to put my feet up without worrying about what is not getting done, gazing into the faces of my two oldest children as they tell me some vitally important non-sensical thing and wondering what will it be like?

He will be here in this room with me. How will I not become obsessed with his every breath? I see the crib still needing sheets and blankets. When will I finally get all those little things I still need for him? My last birth was a surprise c-section. Can I be strong for this surgery and not quiver with fear? His siblings are so excited. Will their joy continue through the disruption of their routines after his birth?

The answers do not really matter, because throughout it all I am and I will be praising Him.

I will praise Him. No. Matter. What. --- That has been my call for the past year, through angst and heartache, through doubt and fear, and now through joy and delight. --- I will praise Him. No. Matter. What.

Because He has done great things for me by giving me life through His death, by teaching me life through my own death to self in many, many ways these past ten years of living my vocation as a married woman. And, He is still teaching me, thank goodness! I want to be taught! His lessons are more precious than silver and gold or an infant's cry. He has all of the answers. He is the only answer.

Easter is about Resurrection. It is about dying to rise again. It is about celebrating new life and being awestruck by its beauty. It is about embracing the sorrows and hoping in Heaven. It is about having the courage to share encouragement in this often dark world. It is about rejoicing for the presence of those who walk this journey with us. Easter puts things in perspective.

So, today as I reflect on the ways these mothers (and so many more) valiantly give their all in pursuit of a life of holiness for themselves, their families, and others, I am inspired. For my sanctity depends on the daily commitment I make to lean on Christ for all things, today, eight weeks from today, and every day in between.

His empty tomb is an invitation to all of us to leave behind our old selves and put on the self He has created us to be! May we look forward to every new day as an opportunity to go beyond our imaginings and be invigorated by our own new life in Christ!

Monday Moments for Moms - Focus on Him

It is Holy Week. What a gift the Church gives us in designating this week to reflect on the Passion of the Lord! Regardless of how faithfully or unfaithfully we have kept our Lenten observances, we have this sacred week to more intently focus our gaze on Jesus.

I was blessed to attend a very enjoyable, relaxed homeschool convention this past Saturday, and the keynote speaker gave wise advice on maximizing your family's potential. It was simply to keep your focal point on God at all times. This week is the perfect opportunity to ensure we are looking to Him for everything.

She used the metaphor of a dancer doing turns who selects a point to spot while spinning across the floor. The goal of a dance turn is to keep your eyes on that one spot as long as possible until you must turn your head and then snap your head back around to focus on it again as fast as you can. This keeps the dancer from becoming dizzy, losing his/her balance, and possibly falling.

It is the same in our families. Despite the distractions of daily life, we must constantly remind ourselves to turn back to Him. When we feel frazzled or dizzy, we must turn back to God. He will help us keep our balance in our busy lives, so we do not fall as often.

Holy Week is a beautiful time to eliminate distractions and keep our focus on God. Hopefully, we all have a way to simplify our daily lives and focus more regularly on Him. This might include more frequent stops in your day for prayer and/or finding easy activities to remember daily what this week means.

One of my favorite readings for this week is in Max Lucado's book, And the Angels Were Silent: Walking with Christ Toward the Cross. Chapter 21 is called "He Chose You...," and it brings me to tears every Holy Week. You can read the whole chapter here on Google Books!

Below, I leave you with a reminder of Who we should see everywhere we look this week, in our children, in our husbands, in strangers, in friends...and the only homeschool lesson we need to teach our children this Holiest Week. Watch the Lamb.

Monday Moments for Moms - Unique Souls

At my OB appointment last week, the doctor informed me that I would need to make an appointment to go back in two weeks instead of a month, because I'm officially in my last trimester. Most of us know that drill, but I was genuinely surprised by the reminder that I will be meeting this little guy sooner rather than later. It has been hard for me to remember "how far along" I am this pregnancy, as my focus has been on just getting to my due date.

All weekend, I have been pondering the precious lives of my children. How can we not, given recent current events? Our weekend was totally relaxed and free of activities (besides Mass), so I had plenty of time to sit with my husband and watch my children dance and dig in the dirt. They really are amazing! And, I began to wonder what their little brother will be like.

We have been given unique souls, each made in the image of the eternal God, entrusted to our tender care. Wow. Each child is special in his/her own way. Their eyes are different. Their laughs are unique. We know each one's footsteps. We know each one's cries. Sure, there are similarities, given their DNA, but their entire person and personality are solely theirs.

Do I give each child the attention due his/her uniqueness? Do I look at each child with fresh eyes? Do I listen with new ears? Do I speak with an original tone? Do I truly appreciate each individual child as a separate soul? Do I recognize the gift every one of my children is every single day?

This is my desire, to truly recognize that each of my children's needs are different, and that while some things may need to be the same for the sake of family harmony, I do need to treat each child uniquely. As Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians, while we are all a part of the Body of Christ, we all have different gifts. In fact, the Lord has forced me to look at my own individuality in recent weeks, and I can see His mercy in leading me to see my children in the same light.

Part of why we homeschool is to embrace individual learning styles and personalities, but for many reasons, our awareness of these in our children can easily slip away. Think about each child as an individual this week, and avoid the herd mentality of our culture of conformity. By focusing on these precious lives, perhaps we can atone for some part of the sins of our country and reaffirm a culture of life.

Monday Motivator for Moms - Joy

What brings you joy?

What robs you of joy?

This weekend I was blessed to discuss these two questions with a group of faith-filled Catholic homeschooling mothers! Inspired by resources like the Fall 2008 issue of mater et magistra, Rachel Watkins's talk titled "Joy for the Asking, Joy for the Keeping" given at the Family Centered Learning Conference last summer (her notes here and mp3 of talk here), The Joyful Home Schooler by Mary Hood, and some wonderful ideas from a recent 4RealForum thread, we shared breakfast and conversation about finding and maintaining joy in our homeschooling lifestyle.

The first part of our conversation focused on how to find joy in our lives. We ranged from the basic understanding that joy is a gift from God to how to have fun with your children. The virtue of joy is available to us "for the asking" from our Baptism. Only God can bring true joy into our lives. Of course, the type of joy God gives is not the same as the type of happiness the world promotes, that which mostly comes from a result of sensual satisfaction. It is, instead, an internal joy, resulting from our faith that the Lord knows what is best for us and is with us, even in our darkest hours.

External joy is also important but is only a result of internal joy. Perhaps more aptly called cheerfulness, this includes smiling, laughing, and maintaining a positive attitude. Sometimes this is not appropriate, and often it is not easy. But, as mothers, it is something we must strive to model for our children, even when we do not feel like it.

Apparently, the world is so obsessed with being unhappy that a Harvard professor created a "science of happiness and potential" and offered a course titled - "Positive Psychology," which was the most popular freshman course in 2006. You can read more here and watch more here. He asserts, "You can absolutely teach people to be happy," and I agree. As Catholic homeschoolers, this must be part of the character education we provide for our children.

Of course, you cannot teach someone without some background of knowledge, and the best way to teach joy is to possess it. The rest of our breakfast conversation focused on what things steal our joy from us and how to avoid them, protecting the gift God has given us. It might be piles of laundry that rob your joy. It might be a husband who always comes home late. It might be a child who only does things halfway. Regardless, mothers must guard our joy, finding practical ways to overcome those challenges (i.e. hide the laundry piles, schedule a family night once or twice a week, invest the time to make sure the child does a particular chore correctly).

We also shared some of the sorrows that can come from burnout and a lack of joy, like anger, which can both ultimately lead to depression if we are not careful. The tissue box was passed around, and most of us admitted we sometimes get tired of homeschooling and more often scream at our children. If you struggle with burnout, there are wise words in Elizabeth's chapter on burnout in Real Learning (currently OOP but a new printing has just been ordered) and some simple advice from Sarah here. My favorite book for mothers on managing anger is She's Gonna Blow!

Some excellent suggestions on ways to preserve joy are to create a gratitude journal like Ann by listing the blessings in your life or a list of things you can do that bring you and the children joy like Elizabeth suggests to prevent or overcome burnout. These things do not have to be complex. It might be as simple as letting your children paint all the fallen coconuts in your yard (if you live in South Florida!) or keeping a chocolate stash just for mom.

Most importantly, throughout our entire conversation, I realized that it must be a conscious prayer to accept the joy the Holy Spirit gives freely and a deliberate decision to protect that joy in our everyday lives, especially if you have melancholic tendencies like me. So, what is it that brings you joy? How do you find that crucial internal joy in the Lord? And, how do you share your joy with others on a daily basis?

Monday Motivator

It's Monday. It's March. We're approximately halfway through Lent. Can you believe it? Below are a few thoughts that God put on my heart during my Rosary this weekend. I was very uplifted by the encouragement and thought you might be, too!

I was praying the Rosary in the car, by myself (it was both beautiful and lonely without little voices interrupting regularly), along with my old Mary Foundation CD. Since it was Saturday, I was meditating on the Joyful Mysteries, which was excellent timing, because I really needed some joy that day. For each mystery, I captured a thought on which to meditate that really boosted my spirit (so much so that I wrote them down at stoplights!). Maybe you can try them today!

Annunciation ~ The angel came to Mary like God came to the world to bring the Good News! How often do I recognize His Good News and share it with my children? Jesus really does love each one of us perfectly, no matter what, because He sees the good in us! So, just because I'm not doing so well on a few of my Lenten commitments, I can start anew today.

Visitation ~ We need each other, specifically mothers need other mothers. Do I actively work on my friendships with other mothers? Having an extended conversation with a good friend once a week when I could/should be doing something else is an enormous emotional boost that I need to allow myself. I am a better mother when I connect with others.

Nativity ~ God chose to come as a child, because children are precious. What do I see when I look at my children? They are precious souls entrusted to my care, and they are beautiful images of God, even when they fuss about doing math. My energies need to be focused on always doing what is best for them and putting them at the top of my list.

Presentation ~ Offer everything to God, the days, the decisions, the people, the itty bitty details; He will take the best care of me. Where do I need to let go and honor God's faithfulness by really believing He knows best? This requires having confidence in the decisions we make, and also trusting Him to mend the mistakes when they happen.

Finding ~ God is right here next to me, all the time. When do I remember that? When my heart starts to race with anxiety or anger, I need to breathe in God. I must remember that He is near. I must believe in His presence in my soul. I cannot continue to frantically search for Him, but I must know He is here.

May this week fill each of you with joy in God's awesome generosity!

Emotional Energy

You know how you take on a responsibility that is not a lot of work, but just the commitment wears you down? Or you are a part of a group that is struggling through some conflict where the decisions and outcome are not really up to you, but you still constantly debate in your head how it should be resolved? Maybe two friends or family members are having difficulties, and you can do nothing for them (except pray). Nevertheless, their struggles weigh on your mind?

A wise friend once taught me that this is called investing emotional energy.

Now, it seems to me that this is mostly an investment for women and rarely for men (I figured this out based on the blank stares I get from men when trying to explain the concept!). Our emotions were created to be more sensitive to pretty much everything. We think about the given situation all day long. Every other aspect of our lives can be colored by this one portal of energy. It drains us of mental capacity and rational reactions. Our emotional investment is intangible and invisible, but it still uses up our energy, for better or for worse.

Investing emotional energy into people and groups can be a good thing. It can preserve friendships and relationships. It can help people in conflict or struggles with sound advice. We need one another and should sacrifice such energy for the sake of others, like the beautiful Marie Bellet song says:

Didn't anyone ever tell you
That we were made to need each other?

Didn't anyone ever tell you

That its no use to run for cover?

And love requires sacrifice.

And everybody pays the price.

Didn't anyone ever tell you?

But, this wise friend also taught me that when the situation takes so much emotional energy that it sucks the life out of you or keeps you from enjoying your days and keeping your priorities straight, it is time to refocus. It is time to "let go and let God" - that familiar adage that takes such effort but sounds so simple. We have to give our burden to the Lord. "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Mt. 11:30)

This letting go might mean backing out of the responsibility. (I can count on one hand the number of times I have had the courage to do this.) It might mean stepping away from people or groups for a while or forever. You may even have to become a silent observer of whatever chaos surrounds you. No matter what, it means making a decision to reduce the energy we invest.

Today, for me, it is about being prepared for any outcome and trusting God to do what is best for my sanctity and that of my family's. I have caught myself on the verge of investing too much, being concerned too much, and I will step back and seek peace instead. After all, even if we humans mess it all up, His mercy will endure!

For His mercy endures forever

I remember hearing once upon a time that these are the closing words for the Sacrament of Penance. Most priests, apparently, skip that part (among others, but I won't go there). The priest is supposed to say after the final Sign of the Cross, "Give thanks to the Lord for He is good." The penitent then responds, "For His mercy endures forever."

To me, this is a tiny symptom of our big problem with trust and peace. We cannot rest in God's gentle, loving arms anymore. The world moves too fast. Everything is too loud. There is not enough silence for us to hear His mercy. We do not stop to recognize it, but it is real.

When I taught a sixth grade CCD class after having our first child, we used the wonderful Image of God series from Ignatius Press. That year's theme is "God's Merciful Love," and we focused on Old Testament stories that demonstrate God's mercy. I think there were three girls in the class out of a dozen or so students! So, I was constantly praying for His mercy to be upon me while teaching those boys, and the simple understanding that indeed "His mercy endures forever" has stuck with me ever since and carried me through several tough times.

Yesterday, during our lessons from The Story of the World, we discussed Exodus from a historical perspective, and I was again reminded of God's endless mercy. His care for the Israelites was amazing. My daughter is fascinated by the ten plagues, and I am, too. The God who so obviously demonstrated His loving care for His chosen people thousands of years ago is the same God who stands by me and you today.

Given that, how can we despair about our culture or our country or our children or our Church? How can we not trust in His steadfast love, which will never ever fail us? As I prepare for our Little Flowers meeting today on Wisdom, I am reminded again that the best place to gain wisdom about God's mercy is, of course, in Scripture. Need some reassurance? God's own Word can be pretty convincing!

Psalms 136

O give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures for ever.

O give thanks to the God of gods, for his steadfast love endures for ever.

O give thanks to the Lord of lords, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

to him who alone does great wonders, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

to him who by understanding made the heavens, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

to him who spread out the earth upon the waters, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

to him who made the great lights, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

the sun to rule over the day, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

the moon and stars to rule over the night, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

to him who smote the first-born of Egypt, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

and brought Israel out from among them, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

to him who divided the Red Sea in sunder, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

and made Israel pass through the midst of it, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

Ut overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

to him who led his people through the wilderness, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

to him who smote great kings, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

and slew famous kings, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

Sihon, king of the Amorites, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

and Og, king of Bashan, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

and gave their land as a heritage, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

a heritage to Israel his servant, for his steadfast love endures for ever.

It is he who remembered us in our low estate, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

and rescued us from our foes, for his steadfast love endures for ever;

he who gives food to all flesh, for his steadfast love endures for ever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures for ever.