Be There

I went on a 20-hour womens’ retreat last month led by the Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist. (By the way, if you ever have a chance to go on one of their retreats in Ann Arbor or near Austin, go!) There were many things about those fleeting hours that I have brought home to ponder, and this one won’t let go, especially given the division and fear that is crushing our world today.

At one point the Sisters showed us the first part of this wonderful new movie, Liberating a Continent: John Paul II. One portion of the film that struck me was after Karol Wojtyla became Pope John Paul II, and he went back to visit communist Poland, his homeland. The government did everything they could to discourage people from going to see him, fabricating and spreading stories about damaged roadways, rampant disease, and filth. But despite these lies and because of the inability for the faithful to ever speak in public about their faith, they went to see him. Historians estimate that 13 million people saw him over his nine-day visit in Poland.

I forget who, but one of the historians or clergy who were interviewed for the film explained that those gatherings were a catalyst for change. You see, these people did not know what their neighbors believed. There was no free speech, but by seeing one another gather together to pray with the pope, they realized how many fellow citizens were desperate for change. By physically being there, a new unity came about which inspired the strikes and other actions that would one day lead to the fall of communism in that country and beyond.

In our culture, it isn’t often difficult to know what another person thinks. We share our opinions freely, as we should in a country of free speech. Our Facebook feeds and our lunchroom discussions are as often about politics and religion as pop stars and TV shows, since we seem to have outgrown the previously taboo nature of these topics. But when we encounter another person who has similar beliefs and is living in a similar situation as we are, our faith is indeed boosted, and we feel we are a part of something bigger than our little circle of influence.

You have probably experienced this at a concert, conference, retreat, or similar large gathering. Wow. Look at all the people who love what I love. I felt that way on retreat this weekend as I met women from all over the State of Texas who were busy with jobs and families but needed 20 hours to focus on God, reflect on their vocation, and pray together for our families and our world.

Especially as mothers, especially as homeschooling mothers, we can feel extremely isolated and wonder if anyone else has similar struggles. But as soon as we head to the park and start chatting about toddler meltdowns and tween-age dawdling, our spirits are lifted, and we know we can persevere. When we encounter another soul thirsting and questing for God, we feel an instant connection and realize we are not alone.

In my own life, I recognize the need to find like-minded friends with similar vocations. All they have to do is be there, to send a text or to meet me for coffee, and I find renewal. It does not matter how we spend our time, whether we delve deep in conversation or merely chat with constant interruptions as our children play squabble. The Lord created us, women especially, for relationship with one another, and making the effort to show up not only feeds the souls of those around us, but also comforts our own hearts by reminding us that constantly striving for holiness is indeed a noble thing and not an impossible quest.

Perhaps there are obstacles to finding these IRL (in real life) gatherings. It is then that social media can fill a void with forums and blogs, Facebook and Instagram. A simple post can connect us to strangers and remind us Whom we serve, taking us out of our self-centered thoughts. We can find our tribe, and we can be reminded to fight the good fight and keep the high standards.

So my challenge to you is to reach out today. Be present to someone IRL or online, and stand side by side, appreciating your common ground and respecting your differences, because God loves us all when we are united in His Son, Christ Jesus.

Studies for Moms'; Groups

Starting a Moms' Group? If you're not already a part of one, you really should start your own! Just to recap: Here is why you should start one. Here is how to start one. Here are the easiest topic ideas. Here are some inspiring books to read and discuss.

But sometimes mothers really need some meat, more content to take home and chew on. In one city, I found that after leading a group of ladies for a couple of years, we had covered all the basic topics. While repeating them would have been fantastic, we elected to dive into a deeper study. Group studies are a good way to get a new group going strong or to refresh a tired group. Here are the studies I have led or participated in with fellow moms over the years:

• Momnipotent: The Not-So-Perfect Woman's Guide to Catholic Motherhood by Danielle Bean --- The book is fantastic, and the DVD really adds a lot of practical experience from a diverse group of moms. We found the DVDs were a bit long for our two-hour sessions, so I often played only a segment of the video to give us more time to discuss the ideas. Our group chose not to use the journal, but I referred to it for conversation starters. All of the materials are well created, but we found it worked well for our group to pick and choose elements.

• Catholic Conference 4 Moms --- This was a fantastic resource for our group last spring, and it's being offered for free one weekend this month! I signed up to host the Faces of Mercy Conference to purchase the rights to download the presentations. Then we watched one or two presentations each meeting. These are top notch speakers with excellent fodder for discussion! I highly recommend liking their Facebook page to learn about future conferences.

• Endow Catholic Women Studies --- Their study on John Paul II's Letter to Women is quite inspiring. If you need a very structured, carefully planned study group that focuses on Church documents, this is for you. They even have a feature on their website where you can find an existing group in your diocese.

• Ignatius Catholic Bible Study Series by Scott Hahn & Curtis Mitch --- One group of women wanted to delve into Scripture more, so we picked one of the paperback single-biblical-book volumes from this series. I think we took a semester to study the Letters of St. Paul to the Corinthians with the outstanding footnotes of these Catholic scholars.

• Women of Grace Study Program: Full of Grace: Women and the Abundant Life by Johnnette Benkovic --- This was, by far, my favorite women's study I have ever led. The material provided is excellent, uplifting, and challenging. Yet, it was presented in such a way that the amount of advance preparation required to participate in each meeting was not overwhelming (similarly to Momnipotent). 

• Blessed is She lectio divina Bible studies --- This group of writers is amazing! Their main ministry is to publish daily Biblical reflections for fellow Catholic women, so sign up there for daily inspiration. But the authors there also have a few short Bible studies, such as Waiting in the Word: Our Vows on marriage and recently released A Couple's Journey on fertility and family planning. These are short studies but are perfect for a small group to discuss with a focus on Scripture and Catholic teaching in a relatable way.

• Courageous Series Bible Studies for Women by Stacy Mitch --- I believe there are four in this series, now: Love, Women, Virtue, and Generosity. These books do not require a separate study guide, as the questions with space to fill in your answers are already in the books. Again, these are a great way to study Scripture as a group, so you can discuss the passages, the study questions, and personal experiences.

This academic year, my goal includes working through these studies on my own as much as possible to evaluate them for future use.

• The Lifegiving Home and The Lifegiving Home Experience by Sally Clarkson
• Well-Read Mom Book Club

And then, of course, there are other great studies at these trusted sites:

• Catholic Scripture Studies Program 
• Ave Maria Press Small Group Resources 
• Word on Fire Study Programs 
• Formed.org Faith Formation Resources

If you have suggestions on others I should consider, please drop them in the combox below!

Inspiring Books for Catholic Moms' Group Discussions

If you want to start a moms' group but your group wants something a little meatier than my simple suggestions from a few days ago, I thought I would list my ten favorite books to discuss with fellow Catholic mothers. The first two are specifically homeschooling titles, and the last two are fairly secular, but all are fantastic!

1. Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakeable Peace by Sarah Mackenzie --- Those who know me personally know that I share this book every chance I get. There is so much to ponder in this slim volume. It is like slipping into a warm bath and letting the wise words soak into your skin. This book could be discussed in 3-4 sittings or split into a dozen. And, there's a companion journal with reflection questions already written! (not specifically Catholic)

2. Seasons of a Mother's Heart: Heart to Heart Encouragement for Homeschool Moms by Sally Clarkson --- With a gentle, motherly tone, this author helps us reflect on the seasons of mothering and homeschooling we all face by sharing intimate details of her joys and struggles as a homeschooling mom. This is another book I reread periodically to refocus my goals to be in line with God's goals for my vocation and provides a wonderful discussion starter for all homeschooling mothers, regardless of which season each currently enjoys. (not Catholic)

3. The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity by Sally Clarkson --- This book focuses on the relationship each mother has with her child and the ways we are called to form their hearts for Christ. Conversations about our relationships with our God, our children, our home, and eternity cover all aspects of motherhood in inspiring and specific ways, making this title a fantastic reflection for all mothers. (not Catholic)

4. Kimberly Hahn's Life-Nurturing Love series on Proverbs 31 --- Now a series of four titles, these guides to the historical and spiritual meaning of becoming a Proverbs 31 woman are beautiful. Step by step they take readers through the Scripture and expound on how wives and mothers are called to serve God and our families. Reading these books inspires moms to recognize our unique role in the world and what our vocation asks of us in the modern world.

5. Any Scott Hahn book --- I especially like First Comes Love and Hail Holy Queen for moms' group discussions, but many others would be suitable. The key about these books in groups is to take them slowly and pause frequently to discuss and ponder aloud the material. And while discussions about our beliefs as Catholics are important, be sure to talk about how to connect the teachings to our daily lives as mothers.

6. Holiness for Housewives and Other Working Women by Hubert van Zeller --- Another short read, this one is full of depth. Reading a short passage can provide incredible discussions about how to carry on the repetitive work of running a household and allowing that work to be our sanctification rather than a stumbling block to our holiness.

7. A Mother's Rule of Life: How to Bring Order to Your Home and Peace to Your Soul by Holly Pierlot --- I actually think this book is best read when you can discuss it with other mothers. The ideas in this book are incredibly practical, but because of my type A personality, I found them too idealistic and enjoyed bouncing ideas off other mothers to be sure my plans are realistic for my family's season of life. But the spiritual guidance in this is invaluable to making sure that, as in the above title, our daily life is a path to Christ.

8. The Woman's Guide to the Catechism of the Catholic Church by Susan Muta and Fr. Van Kaam --- Again, this is one best read and discussed with others. Each chapter even includes discussion questions, and you can bring along a Catechism to look up various points. This is a special way to walk through the new Catechism focusing on areas of special interest to family life.

9. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: Building a Beautiful Family Culture in a Turbulent World by Stephen Covey --- There is a lot to cover with this book! If you are familiar with Covey's seven habits, you will especially enjoy how he applies them to family life, providing testimonials and practical steps to ensure that your family's relationships are being continually strengthened. We could never read an entire chapter in one meeting, but applying his principles to the domestic church was even more inspiring to me than applying them to my personal life.

10. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger --- I know you are laughing at me for putting this title here, but if your group can get past the drama (and sin) in the stories Dr. Laura tells to make her points, this book provided some of the best discussions I have had in a moms' group! There is so much practical advice here and fodder for wonderful conversations about how we serve our husbands. Just be sure you set some ground rules before beginning, like no husband-bashing and make sure your husband is comfortable with what you share. I found our discussions centered on the positive ways we enrich our marriages and sharing success stories about what has worked in our relationships.


Other suggestions I think would be fantastic by Catholic authors, but I have not personally tried in a group setting:

• The Little Oratory: A Beginner's Guide to Praying in the Home by Leila Lawler & David Clayton
• Divine Mercy for Moms: Sharing the Lessons of St. Faustina by Michele Faehnle & Emily Jaminet
• A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms: 52 Companions for Your Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul by Lisa Hendey
• The Hidden Power of Kindness: A Practical Guide for Those Who Dare to Transform the World One Deed at a Time by Fr. Lovasik
• Growing in the Virtues of Jesus: The Marianist Method of Virtues for Use in Groups by Fr. Hanenewerth
• Smart Martha's Catholic Guide for Busy Moms by Tami Kiser
• Imitating Mary: Ten Marian Virtues for the Modern Mom by Marge Fenelon
• The Domestic Church Room by Room: A Study Guide for Catholic Mothers by Donna Marie Cooper O'Boyle
• The Grace of Yes: Eight Virtues for Generous Living by Lisa Hendey
• Random Moments of Grace: Experiencing God in the Adventures of Motherhood by Ginny Moyer

What other books (not full studies; I'll cover those soon) would you recommend for a moms' group to give a try?

The Easiest Moms' Group You'll Ever Lead

Our vocation of motherhood is a busy one. You want to socialize with other moms, but you barely have five minutes a day to give away to pursuits outside of your home. When you get those moms together for your first gathering, here are a few things that have worked for the groups I have led that require minimal effort and preparation.

When I was a new mother, the moms' group I joined at that time, would encourage the mothers in the group to take turns bringing various articles or excerpts from books to share with the group. Each mom could sign up to lead one of the gatherings, and she would make copies of the articles/excerpts she wanted to share, usually writing 3-5 discussion questions to go along with the material. At meetings, we read out loud, just going around in the circle, each reading a paragraph or a few. Then we discussed the questions. It was fairly simple, and the leader wasn't responsible for coming up with new material each week. I also felt it was a wonderful opportunity to explore a variety of topics, because each mom wanted to share something near and dear to her heart, often material I would not have read on my own and sometimes ideas with which I disagreed but still found fascinating to hear.

Another option that requires even less preparation is to simply reflect on the Sunday Gospel(s) for the upcoming week(s). The above group was founded with this practice and thrived on it. Everyone would bring a Bible, and the leader would look up the passages to be discussed. They read the Scripture aloud and paused to discuss in between each passage their thoughts and how to apply it to our lives as mothers. Sometimes the leader prepared questions or had a Bible study resource as supplement to the Gospels but not always.

If that still sounds like too much effort or might not fit the vibe of your particular group, consider gathering simply to pray a Rosary and then just chat. In a smaller group, opening up the discussion to any topic would work. In a larger group, you might have moms jot down a conversation starter on a note card as they walk in the door and pull those out after the Rosary to keep things flowing. Since one of the main purposes of gathering with like-minded women is to fulfill Matthew 18:20, and Our Lady is the perfect role model for mothers, praying the mysteries together can be extraordinarily fruitful.

Maybe your group needs to get to know one another in a more relaxed atmosphere over wine and margaritas! Moms' Nights Out are a fantastic way to either begin a moms' group or supplement a planned discussion group. Every time I have planned a Moms' Night Out, women come, and even when it's only one or two other women, we rejoice in one another and are refreshed by the night out. You can meet at a restaurant or plan a fun activity like painting or bowling. I guarantee you will have interest, and the Holy Spirit will guide your fellowship to provide each attendee with the graces they need if you allow Him.

Too tough to get together without kids? Several of the above options could certainly be done with children either in the room with you or in the next room. Put on a Catholic video during the Rosary to keep them quiet in the next room or hire some teens to help babysit while you have an uninterrupted discussion. But if you don't think those options work for your fellow moms, just meet at a park. Choose a time of day when the weather is best and get together with moms and kids! We can be nourished immensely by one another's company whether the setting be structured or informal. The point is that we need to get together.

I hope you can see that once you get women together, it is not that difficult to keep going if you choose a format that works for most moms. There are other options, like book studies and Bible studies that I will review soon, but if you are looking for simple, these ideas will get the job done!

Which of the above ideas most appeals to you and why?

Start a Moms' Group: 3 Easy Steps

You agree moms' groups are important. You might even agree that YOU need to be the one to get one started in your area. But you are skeptical on the amount of work involved, amiright? After all, we are all busy mamas with way too much on our plate to add one more thing!

I have found that getting a group started is the easiest part! And I believe that if the Holy Spirit is allowed to lead the group, keeping it going can be easy, too. Here is your homework assignment, if you feel called to lead your own group.

1. Choose a location.

2. Choose a date and time.

3. Invite women.

Yes, it is that simple. Do not overthink the location or date and time. Just pick something that works for you. After that initial gathering, you can change up both, because you will get plenty of feedback from mamas who want to come.

You do not have to plan a book study or schedule topics. You do not have to determine the format of your group or the rules or finances, if applicable. There will be plenty of time to do that after you have some invested women who will likely be willing to help make those decisions.

If you want some ideas on what locations, dates and times, and types of women have worked for the groups I have led in the past, I will share those soon. But your group is unique, and what worked for us might not work for you. So do not be afraid to take that leap of faith and send an email now to set up your first gathering. Say a prayer, click send, and let the Holy Spirit lead the rest!

Commit now to planning at least one gathering of moms and share your chosen location below!

I Don't Have the [blank] to Start a Moms' Group

Excuses! I know you have them! You do not have time to do this. You do not know how to do this. You are not the right person to do this. A few days ago, I tried to convince you how important moms' groups are, especially for homeschooling moms. But if you need more convincing that YOU should be the one to get the ball rolling, listen carefully, and come back tomorrow for the 3 easy steps to make it happen!

1. Somebody has to do it. Really. We can all agree that moms need to get together and that we need each other, but unless we make the time and give the little bit of effort needed, it simply will not happen. We all have too much on our schedules for gatherings to happen magically or spontaneously. If we all act as if it is someone else's job, those moms who always do the leading will get burned out or it just won't happen.

2. It is an act of service to start a group. Many of us wish we could volunteer at our churches or soup kitchens and food pantries, but our primary vocation of mothers of small children often does not allow us the flexibility to do that. Being the one to pull moms together is a way for you to serve your neighbor and demonstrate to your children that it is important to always be a giver, not only a taker. (They do not see your service to them in the same way, although it IS service, of course!)

3. You will benefit personally. I always maintain that I host moms' groups, because I am selfish. When I am able to set the time, date, location, and format, I can choose what I know will benefit me rather than try to fit into someone else's plan. If there is a group near you that works for your family, be a supporter, but if not, even if there is a group right next door that does not fit your needs, start your own! My husband is grateful I lead these gatherings, because he sees a happier me after each one!

4. Starting a group is easier than you think. It does not have to be some formal, pre-set group. Just start getting moms together (I will tell you how tomorrow) and do not stop. A one time gathering is great, but for everyone to benefit the most, building relationship and community, you need to keep meeting. But all it takes is three things to start. It is not rocket science!

You, yes YOU, really need to prayerfully consider inviting some moms to meet. Be sure you have your husband's support and go for it! I bet you will find that as soon as you start, you will have more than enough support and additional help to keep it going.

What's your excuse for not attending and/or starting a moms' group in your area?

Catholic Homeschooling Mothers Are...Just...Different.

I shared recently how important community is to me and why I think moms' groups are just about the best thing since sliced bread! But, I feel the need to speak directly to my colleagues for a few moments. Catholic homeschooling mothers are the women I consider to be my soul sisters. We are choosing not just "the road less traveled by" but "the road [least] traveled by" (based on pure statistics).

And that is why we need to get ourselves together and talk. We can meet for coffee or margaritas, in a home or at a park, with or without kids, but I firmly believe it needs to be a priority for us. The simple act of getting together will benefit our family, our children, and our personal growth every single time. I guarantee it!

This "road [least] traveled by" is not only counter-cultural, like many Catholic families who strive to live authentically the vision of the domestic church, but it is also a choice to turn away from the model of education embraced by most first world countries. While being Catholic with a strong faith is often isolating, homeschooling can stop a casual conversation or end a friendship in a flash. A parent is usually immediately labeled as odd (or worse things) as soon as we admit we homeschool. (I admit we are odd, of course, but I would prefer people get to know me before assuming that.)

We have undertaken this monumental work of not only raising saints but also raising lifelong learners. Our choice to educate our children at home and not hand that responsibility to "professionals" is a heavy weight on our shoulders. When we get together, our conversation is inevitably going to turn to curriculum or lesson planning, as it should, because these are significant aspects of our daily lives.

As we connect with other Catholic homeschooling families, we create communities of learners and have opportunities to help one another through co-ops, tutoring, loaning materials, bringing meals, swapping babysitting, sharing advice, and more. The bonds that we form over math test woes and catechism lessons are just different than those with our friends from our family, church, or community who do not homeschool. In my experience, these Catholic homeschooling relationships are the friendships that go deep through thick and thin, because we simply understand each other.

The reality is when you are home with your children all day and are trying to teach them spelling, discipline has to look differently. The cute Pinterest ideas have a place but most likely not before reading lessons and handwriting. Even mundane things like cleaning and cooking are different in a homeschooling family, and so we need to talk about these things with one another.

And as I said about all moms, we need to pray together. Lifting one another up in prayer is the single most important thing we can do to help each other homeschool successfully, according to God's plan for our families. Honestly, this is the one act that slips my mind the most. I am so excited to be with my people that I forget to suggest, or sometimes am embarrassed to ask, that we pray together (even at a park day or moms' night out)!

So, please help me make up for that and stop the one whose goal is to distract us from God. Get together with other Catholic homeschooling mothers. We will talk practical ideas next. Then when you get together, pray together. I will do the same, and we will all be better for it.

How often do you get to visit with other Catholic homeschooling moms? What is your favorite topic to discuss?

Why YOU Should Start a Mom's Group!

Apologies to my friends pictured,
these were taken by my youngest child!

Yes, you. The one reading this saying you don't have enough time or space or skill. None of that matters. If you don't attend some sort of group for mothers to connect with one another IN PERSON, you need to just do it.


Why? I am so glad you asked. I have been leading various moms' groups on and off for over ten years in three different states, and nothing has been more encouraging and inspiring to me as a mother than sitting and sharing with other mothers who are in the trenches with me! Let me try to convince you why it should be you, and soon I will give you the practical how-to.


1. Catholic mothers, whether they work outside the home or not, are especially vulnerable to loneliness and isolation. Our neighbors' and family members' lives are often so far afield from our daily concerns that it can be difficult to even hold a conversation sometimes. We are changing diapers and teaching our kids how to make the sign of the cross, and to us, those are the most important parts of our days worthy of discussion, not the show on television or the latest neighborhood gossip. When we find our people, those striving for Heaven and trying to follow a similar vocation path, we realize we are not alone and that makes facing opposition just a little bit easier.

2. Mothering is a hard and never-ending job. The work is never done. There is always another meal to make and another load of laundry to run, until our children grow up and move away. It is crucial that we find ways to stop and refresh our weary spirits. Joining together with other moms for prayer, fellowship, study, and/or fun can be that pause in our repetitive days that allows us to recenter and remember the joy in all the drudgery!

3. Memes and viral videos abound on the internet about the Mommy Wars. We are constantly wondering if we are doing it right, whether that be cooking or disciplining or whatever. There is some truth to the African adage when spoken simply, "It takes a village to raise a child." We need each other and only recently in history have most mothers not had their mothers and/or mothers-in-law within walking distance to provide encouragement and practical support. Moms' groups foster unity despite our differences, just as the Body of Christ has many parts but is united in Christ Jesus.

4. Similarly, we need various points of view to properly reflect on our parenting and choose the paths best for our individual families. And reading those points of view on the internet only get us so far. Those opinions are not subject to our questions and personal circumstances like an in-person conversation might be. Most importantly, sometimes we need friends and even acquaintances with the same understanding of family life to challenge us and point out some flaw in our lives that we may not have eyes to see!

5. Most importantly, "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them." Matthew 18:20. We need Jesus. Therefore, we need to gather with one another as often as possible with like-minded women to pray and offer our thanksgiving and petition to the Lord, Who then will nourish our souls and draw us ever closer to Him. That is how we survive and thrive as busy moms on our way to Heaven.

There are many more reasons why to participate in or begin your own moms' group, but to me, these are the most significant. This topic is so dear to my heart that I will be writing more about what types of groups you might start, ideas to get things going, and troubleshooting common problems.

Are you a part of a moms' group? How has it benefited you?