Be There

I went on a 20-hour womens’ retreat last month led by the Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist. (By the way, if you ever have a chance to go on one of their retreats in Ann Arbor or near Austin, go!) There were many things about those fleeting hours that I have brought home to ponder, and this one won’t let go, especially given the division and fear that is crushing our world today.

At one point the Sisters showed us the first part of this wonderful new movie, Liberating a Continent: John Paul II. One portion of the film that struck me was after Karol Wojtyla became Pope John Paul II, and he went back to visit communist Poland, his homeland. The government did everything they could to discourage people from going to see him, fabricating and spreading stories about damaged roadways, rampant disease, and filth. But despite these lies and because of the inability for the faithful to ever speak in public about their faith, they went to see him. Historians estimate that 13 million people saw him over his nine-day visit in Poland.

I forget who, but one of the historians or clergy who were interviewed for the film explained that those gatherings were a catalyst for change. You see, these people did not know what their neighbors believed. There was no free speech, but by seeing one another gather together to pray with the pope, they realized how many fellow citizens were desperate for change. By physically being there, a new unity came about which inspired the strikes and other actions that would one day lead to the fall of communism in that country and beyond.

In our culture, it isn’t often difficult to know what another person thinks. We share our opinions freely, as we should in a country of free speech. Our Facebook feeds and our lunchroom discussions are as often about politics and religion as pop stars and TV shows, since we seem to have outgrown the previously taboo nature of these topics. But when we encounter another person who has similar beliefs and is living in a similar situation as we are, our faith is indeed boosted, and we feel we are a part of something bigger than our little circle of influence.

You have probably experienced this at a concert, conference, retreat, or similar large gathering. Wow. Look at all the people who love what I love. I felt that way on retreat this weekend as I met women from all over the State of Texas who were busy with jobs and families but needed 20 hours to focus on God, reflect on their vocation, and pray together for our families and our world.

Especially as mothers, especially as homeschooling mothers, we can feel extremely isolated and wonder if anyone else has similar struggles. But as soon as we head to the park and start chatting about toddler meltdowns and tween-age dawdling, our spirits are lifted, and we know we can persevere. When we encounter another soul thirsting and questing for God, we feel an instant connection and realize we are not alone.

In my own life, I recognize the need to find like-minded friends with similar vocations. All they have to do is be there, to send a text or to meet me for coffee, and I find renewal. It does not matter how we spend our time, whether we delve deep in conversation or merely chat with constant interruptions as our children play squabble. The Lord created us, women especially, for relationship with one another, and making the effort to show up not only feeds the souls of those around us, but also comforts our own hearts by reminding us that constantly striving for holiness is indeed a noble thing and not an impossible quest.

Perhaps there are obstacles to finding these IRL (in real life) gatherings. It is then that social media can fill a void with forums and blogs, Facebook and Instagram. A simple post can connect us to strangers and remind us Whom we serve, taking us out of our self-centered thoughts. We can find our tribe, and we can be reminded to fight the good fight and keep the high standards.

So my challenge to you is to reach out today. Be present to someone IRL or online, and stand side by side, appreciating your common ground and respecting your differences, because God loves us all when we are united in His Son, Christ Jesus.

Studies for Moms'; Groups

Starting a Moms' Group? If you're not already a part of one, you really should start your own! Just to recap: Here is why you should start one. Here is how to start one. Here are the easiest topic ideas. Here are some inspiring books to read and discuss.

But sometimes mothers really need some meat, more content to take home and chew on. In one city, I found that after leading a group of ladies for a couple of years, we had covered all the basic topics. While repeating them would have been fantastic, we elected to dive into a deeper study. Group studies are a good way to get a new group going strong or to refresh a tired group. Here are the studies I have led or participated in with fellow moms over the years:

• Momnipotent: The Not-So-Perfect Woman's Guide to Catholic Motherhood by Danielle Bean --- The book is fantastic, and the DVD really adds a lot of practical experience from a diverse group of moms. We found the DVDs were a bit long for our two-hour sessions, so I often played only a segment of the video to give us more time to discuss the ideas. Our group chose not to use the journal, but I referred to it for conversation starters. All of the materials are well created, but we found it worked well for our group to pick and choose elements.

• Catholic Conference 4 Moms --- This was a fantastic resource for our group last spring, and it's being offered for free one weekend this month! I signed up to host the Faces of Mercy Conference to purchase the rights to download the presentations. Then we watched one or two presentations each meeting. These are top notch speakers with excellent fodder for discussion! I highly recommend liking their Facebook page to learn about future conferences.

• Endow Catholic Women Studies --- Their study on John Paul II's Letter to Women is quite inspiring. If you need a very structured, carefully planned study group that focuses on Church documents, this is for you. They even have a feature on their website where you can find an existing group in your diocese.

• Ignatius Catholic Bible Study Series by Scott Hahn & Curtis Mitch --- One group of women wanted to delve into Scripture more, so we picked one of the paperback single-biblical-book volumes from this series. I think we took a semester to study the Letters of St. Paul to the Corinthians with the outstanding footnotes of these Catholic scholars.

• Women of Grace Study Program: Full of Grace: Women and the Abundant Life by Johnnette Benkovic --- This was, by far, my favorite women's study I have ever led. The material provided is excellent, uplifting, and challenging. Yet, it was presented in such a way that the amount of advance preparation required to participate in each meeting was not overwhelming (similarly to Momnipotent). 

• Blessed is She lectio divina Bible studies --- This group of writers is amazing! Their main ministry is to publish daily Biblical reflections for fellow Catholic women, so sign up there for daily inspiration. But the authors there also have a few short Bible studies, such as Waiting in the Word: Our Vows on marriage and recently released A Couple's Journey on fertility and family planning. These are short studies but are perfect for a small group to discuss with a focus on Scripture and Catholic teaching in a relatable way.

• Courageous Series Bible Studies for Women by Stacy Mitch --- I believe there are four in this series, now: Love, Women, Virtue, and Generosity. These books do not require a separate study guide, as the questions with space to fill in your answers are already in the books. Again, these are a great way to study Scripture as a group, so you can discuss the passages, the study questions, and personal experiences.

This academic year, my goal includes working through these studies on my own as much as possible to evaluate them for future use.

• The Lifegiving Home and The Lifegiving Home Experience by Sally Clarkson
• Well-Read Mom Book Club

And then, of course, there are other great studies at these trusted sites:

• Catholic Scripture Studies Program 
• Ave Maria Press Small Group Resources 
• Word on Fire Study Programs 
• Formed.org Faith Formation Resources

If you have suggestions on others I should consider, please drop them in the combox below!

Purgatory in the Narthex

Today I managed, via some excellent peer pressure, to get to daily Mass with my four children. As we arrived barely on time for the 9am Mass, I could see something was different. The church was quite crowded with professionally-dressed, broadly smiling women, and it did not seem anyone was at all ready to begin Mass on time. Then I remembered and leaned over to whisper to my daughter, "Didn't they say something last Sunday about the Mass time being different today due to the teachers' Mass?" She nodded, and it all came back to me: Mass at 9:30, back to school Mass for teachers of the diocese, the bishop. Yikes!

I had a quick mental conversation with God:

Me: Do I really need to be here?

God: Yes.

Me: But I have to keep these kids happy for 30 more minutes before Mass and then they have to sit still and be quiet for what will be a longer-than-usual, barely any kids here daily Mass.

God: But when is the last time you came to daily Mass to be with me? Don't you need my grace?

Me: Yes. Sigh.

Needless to say, after a short walk to discover the line for the ladies' room was at least twenty teachers long, we stayed for Mass, and shortly after the sign of the cross, I had to take my (loudly-spitting) three-year-old to the narthex, towing the (plugging-his-ears-from-the-loud-organ) six-year-old along. And we didn't get to go back due to what might have been more spitting, some brotherly kicking, and general flopping about from both boys. I was disappointed and eventually joined by five other parents with wiggly kids, possibly the only other adults who brought children.

I kept reminding myself that the grace was there and that it was a special grace to be at a Mass said by a bishop, but I was feeling kind of sad. I wanted to be able to at least see the altar! I gave thanks my two older children were mature enough to stay in the church and fully experience the liturgy. Between the distractions of the boys not able to sit still (since they couldn't see anything either) and the frustration at my expectations for a relatively quick and quiet daily Mass being crushed, I was grumbling inside.

But as I sank down on my knees near the pew against the narthex wall to pray during the consecration, I glanced through the floor to ceiling, wall to wall windows separating the narthex from the nave. I was separated from God by this wall. I could not quite see Him, but I knew He was truly present in the Eucharist just a few feet away, but at the moment, unattainable.

And I recalled that someone once shared with me that it is possible the most intense pain in purgatory is caused by knowing you are so close to going to Heaven, to be in God's almighty presence, but not able to get there just yet.

For a few minutes, I gave thanks that I was living that purgatory there (with wiggly boys climbing all over me and battling for lap space), because with the suffering of purgatory comes the guarantee of eternal life with God. I remembered that there would be crazy-wonderful grace later in addition to the grace of the moment.

Mamas, we have all been there. Our bodies often deflate as we make that seemingly long walk to the narthex, cry room, or outside with a wiggly, loud, or crying child. The next time it happens to you, look at that wall, window, or door separating you from the rest of the congregation and give thanks. God is there, just a bit out of reach, and someday we will be closer to Him than we can even imagine!

Inspiring Books for Catholic Moms' Group Discussions

If you want to start a moms' group but your group wants something a little meatier than my simple suggestions from a few days ago, I thought I would list my ten favorite books to discuss with fellow Catholic mothers. The first two are specifically homeschooling titles, and the last two are fairly secular, but all are fantastic!

1. Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakeable Peace by Sarah Mackenzie --- Those who know me personally know that I share this book every chance I get. There is so much to ponder in this slim volume. It is like slipping into a warm bath and letting the wise words soak into your skin. This book could be discussed in 3-4 sittings or split into a dozen. And, there's a companion journal with reflection questions already written! (not specifically Catholic)

2. Seasons of a Mother's Heart: Heart to Heart Encouragement for Homeschool Moms by Sally Clarkson --- With a gentle, motherly tone, this author helps us reflect on the seasons of mothering and homeschooling we all face by sharing intimate details of her joys and struggles as a homeschooling mom. This is another book I reread periodically to refocus my goals to be in line with God's goals for my vocation and provides a wonderful discussion starter for all homeschooling mothers, regardless of which season each currently enjoys. (not Catholic)

3. The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity by Sally Clarkson --- This book focuses on the relationship each mother has with her child and the ways we are called to form their hearts for Christ. Conversations about our relationships with our God, our children, our home, and eternity cover all aspects of motherhood in inspiring and specific ways, making this title a fantastic reflection for all mothers. (not Catholic)

4. Kimberly Hahn's Life-Nurturing Love series on Proverbs 31 --- Now a series of four titles, these guides to the historical and spiritual meaning of becoming a Proverbs 31 woman are beautiful. Step by step they take readers through the Scripture and expound on how wives and mothers are called to serve God and our families. Reading these books inspires moms to recognize our unique role in the world and what our vocation asks of us in the modern world.

5. Any Scott Hahn book --- I especially like First Comes Love and Hail Holy Queen for moms' group discussions, but many others would be suitable. The key about these books in groups is to take them slowly and pause frequently to discuss and ponder aloud the material. And while discussions about our beliefs as Catholics are important, be sure to talk about how to connect the teachings to our daily lives as mothers.

6. Holiness for Housewives and Other Working Women by Hubert van Zeller --- Another short read, this one is full of depth. Reading a short passage can provide incredible discussions about how to carry on the repetitive work of running a household and allowing that work to be our sanctification rather than a stumbling block to our holiness.

7. A Mother's Rule of Life: How to Bring Order to Your Home and Peace to Your Soul by Holly Pierlot --- I actually think this book is best read when you can discuss it with other mothers. The ideas in this book are incredibly practical, but because of my type A personality, I found them too idealistic and enjoyed bouncing ideas off other mothers to be sure my plans are realistic for my family's season of life. But the spiritual guidance in this is invaluable to making sure that, as in the above title, our daily life is a path to Christ.

8. The Woman's Guide to the Catechism of the Catholic Church by Susan Muta and Fr. Van Kaam --- Again, this is one best read and discussed with others. Each chapter even includes discussion questions, and you can bring along a Catechism to look up various points. This is a special way to walk through the new Catechism focusing on areas of special interest to family life.

9. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: Building a Beautiful Family Culture in a Turbulent World by Stephen Covey --- There is a lot to cover with this book! If you are familiar with Covey's seven habits, you will especially enjoy how he applies them to family life, providing testimonials and practical steps to ensure that your family's relationships are being continually strengthened. We could never read an entire chapter in one meeting, but applying his principles to the domestic church was even more inspiring to me than applying them to my personal life.

10. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger --- I know you are laughing at me for putting this title here, but if your group can get past the drama (and sin) in the stories Dr. Laura tells to make her points, this book provided some of the best discussions I have had in a moms' group! There is so much practical advice here and fodder for wonderful conversations about how we serve our husbands. Just be sure you set some ground rules before beginning, like no husband-bashing and make sure your husband is comfortable with what you share. I found our discussions centered on the positive ways we enrich our marriages and sharing success stories about what has worked in our relationships.


Other suggestions I think would be fantastic by Catholic authors, but I have not personally tried in a group setting:

• The Little Oratory: A Beginner's Guide to Praying in the Home by Leila Lawler & David Clayton
• Divine Mercy for Moms: Sharing the Lessons of St. Faustina by Michele Faehnle & Emily Jaminet
• A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms: 52 Companions for Your Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul by Lisa Hendey
• The Hidden Power of Kindness: A Practical Guide for Those Who Dare to Transform the World One Deed at a Time by Fr. Lovasik
• Growing in the Virtues of Jesus: The Marianist Method of Virtues for Use in Groups by Fr. Hanenewerth
• Smart Martha's Catholic Guide for Busy Moms by Tami Kiser
• Imitating Mary: Ten Marian Virtues for the Modern Mom by Marge Fenelon
• The Domestic Church Room by Room: A Study Guide for Catholic Mothers by Donna Marie Cooper O'Boyle
• The Grace of Yes: Eight Virtues for Generous Living by Lisa Hendey
• Random Moments of Grace: Experiencing God in the Adventures of Motherhood by Ginny Moyer

What other books (not full studies; I'll cover those soon) would you recommend for a moms' group to give a try?

The Easiest Moms' Group You'll Ever Lead

Our vocation of motherhood is a busy one. You want to socialize with other moms, but you barely have five minutes a day to give away to pursuits outside of your home. When you get those moms together for your first gathering, here are a few things that have worked for the groups I have led that require minimal effort and preparation.

When I was a new mother, the moms' group I joined at that time, would encourage the mothers in the group to take turns bringing various articles or excerpts from books to share with the group. Each mom could sign up to lead one of the gatherings, and she would make copies of the articles/excerpts she wanted to share, usually writing 3-5 discussion questions to go along with the material. At meetings, we read out loud, just going around in the circle, each reading a paragraph or a few. Then we discussed the questions. It was fairly simple, and the leader wasn't responsible for coming up with new material each week. I also felt it was a wonderful opportunity to explore a variety of topics, because each mom wanted to share something near and dear to her heart, often material I would not have read on my own and sometimes ideas with which I disagreed but still found fascinating to hear.

Another option that requires even less preparation is to simply reflect on the Sunday Gospel(s) for the upcoming week(s). The above group was founded with this practice and thrived on it. Everyone would bring a Bible, and the leader would look up the passages to be discussed. They read the Scripture aloud and paused to discuss in between each passage their thoughts and how to apply it to our lives as mothers. Sometimes the leader prepared questions or had a Bible study resource as supplement to the Gospels but not always.

If that still sounds like too much effort or might not fit the vibe of your particular group, consider gathering simply to pray a Rosary and then just chat. In a smaller group, opening up the discussion to any topic would work. In a larger group, you might have moms jot down a conversation starter on a note card as they walk in the door and pull those out after the Rosary to keep things flowing. Since one of the main purposes of gathering with like-minded women is to fulfill Matthew 18:20, and Our Lady is the perfect role model for mothers, praying the mysteries together can be extraordinarily fruitful.

Maybe your group needs to get to know one another in a more relaxed atmosphere over wine and margaritas! Moms' Nights Out are a fantastic way to either begin a moms' group or supplement a planned discussion group. Every time I have planned a Moms' Night Out, women come, and even when it's only one or two other women, we rejoice in one another and are refreshed by the night out. You can meet at a restaurant or plan a fun activity like painting or bowling. I guarantee you will have interest, and the Holy Spirit will guide your fellowship to provide each attendee with the graces they need if you allow Him.

Too tough to get together without kids? Several of the above options could certainly be done with children either in the room with you or in the next room. Put on a Catholic video during the Rosary to keep them quiet in the next room or hire some teens to help babysit while you have an uninterrupted discussion. But if you don't think those options work for your fellow moms, just meet at a park. Choose a time of day when the weather is best and get together with moms and kids! We can be nourished immensely by one another's company whether the setting be structured or informal. The point is that we need to get together.

I hope you can see that once you get women together, it is not that difficult to keep going if you choose a format that works for most moms. There are other options, like book studies and Bible studies that I will review soon, but if you are looking for simple, these ideas will get the job done!

Which of the above ideas most appeals to you and why?

Start a Moms' Group: 3 Easy Steps

You agree moms' groups are important. You might even agree that YOU need to be the one to get one started in your area. But you are skeptical on the amount of work involved, amiright? After all, we are all busy mamas with way too much on our plate to add one more thing!

I have found that getting a group started is the easiest part! And I believe that if the Holy Spirit is allowed to lead the group, keeping it going can be easy, too. Here is your homework assignment, if you feel called to lead your own group.

1. Choose a location.

2. Choose a date and time.

3. Invite women.

Yes, it is that simple. Do not overthink the location or date and time. Just pick something that works for you. After that initial gathering, you can change up both, because you will get plenty of feedback from mamas who want to come.

You do not have to plan a book study or schedule topics. You do not have to determine the format of your group or the rules or finances, if applicable. There will be plenty of time to do that after you have some invested women who will likely be willing to help make those decisions.

If you want some ideas on what locations, dates and times, and types of women have worked for the groups I have led in the past, I will share those soon. But your group is unique, and what worked for us might not work for you. So do not be afraid to take that leap of faith and send an email now to set up your first gathering. Say a prayer, click send, and let the Holy Spirit lead the rest!

Commit now to planning at least one gathering of moms and share your chosen location below!

I Don't Have the [blank] to Start a Moms' Group

Excuses! I know you have them! You do not have time to do this. You do not know how to do this. You are not the right person to do this. A few days ago, I tried to convince you how important moms' groups are, especially for homeschooling moms. But if you need more convincing that YOU should be the one to get the ball rolling, listen carefully, and come back tomorrow for the 3 easy steps to make it happen!

1. Somebody has to do it. Really. We can all agree that moms need to get together and that we need each other, but unless we make the time and give the little bit of effort needed, it simply will not happen. We all have too much on our schedules for gatherings to happen magically or spontaneously. If we all act as if it is someone else's job, those moms who always do the leading will get burned out or it just won't happen.

2. It is an act of service to start a group. Many of us wish we could volunteer at our churches or soup kitchens and food pantries, but our primary vocation of mothers of small children often does not allow us the flexibility to do that. Being the one to pull moms together is a way for you to serve your neighbor and demonstrate to your children that it is important to always be a giver, not only a taker. (They do not see your service to them in the same way, although it IS service, of course!)

3. You will benefit personally. I always maintain that I host moms' groups, because I am selfish. When I am able to set the time, date, location, and format, I can choose what I know will benefit me rather than try to fit into someone else's plan. If there is a group near you that works for your family, be a supporter, but if not, even if there is a group right next door that does not fit your needs, start your own! My husband is grateful I lead these gatherings, because he sees a happier me after each one!

4. Starting a group is easier than you think. It does not have to be some formal, pre-set group. Just start getting moms together (I will tell you how tomorrow) and do not stop. A one time gathering is great, but for everyone to benefit the most, building relationship and community, you need to keep meeting. But all it takes is three things to start. It is not rocket science!

You, yes YOU, really need to prayerfully consider inviting some moms to meet. Be sure you have your husband's support and go for it! I bet you will find that as soon as you start, you will have more than enough support and additional help to keep it going.

What's your excuse for not attending and/or starting a moms' group in your area?

Why YOU Should Start a Mom's Group!

Apologies to my friends pictured,
these were taken by my youngest child!

Yes, you. The one reading this saying you don't have enough time or space or skill. None of that matters. If you don't attend some sort of group for mothers to connect with one another IN PERSON, you need to just do it.


Why? I am so glad you asked. I have been leading various moms' groups on and off for over ten years in three different states, and nothing has been more encouraging and inspiring to me as a mother than sitting and sharing with other mothers who are in the trenches with me! Let me try to convince you why it should be you, and soon I will give you the practical how-to.


1. Catholic mothers, whether they work outside the home or not, are especially vulnerable to loneliness and isolation. Our neighbors' and family members' lives are often so far afield from our daily concerns that it can be difficult to even hold a conversation sometimes. We are changing diapers and teaching our kids how to make the sign of the cross, and to us, those are the most important parts of our days worthy of discussion, not the show on television or the latest neighborhood gossip. When we find our people, those striving for Heaven and trying to follow a similar vocation path, we realize we are not alone and that makes facing opposition just a little bit easier.

2. Mothering is a hard and never-ending job. The work is never done. There is always another meal to make and another load of laundry to run, until our children grow up and move away. It is crucial that we find ways to stop and refresh our weary spirits. Joining together with other moms for prayer, fellowship, study, and/or fun can be that pause in our repetitive days that allows us to recenter and remember the joy in all the drudgery!

3. Memes and viral videos abound on the internet about the Mommy Wars. We are constantly wondering if we are doing it right, whether that be cooking or disciplining or whatever. There is some truth to the African adage when spoken simply, "It takes a village to raise a child." We need each other and only recently in history have most mothers not had their mothers and/or mothers-in-law within walking distance to provide encouragement and practical support. Moms' groups foster unity despite our differences, just as the Body of Christ has many parts but is united in Christ Jesus.

4. Similarly, we need various points of view to properly reflect on our parenting and choose the paths best for our individual families. And reading those points of view on the internet only get us so far. Those opinions are not subject to our questions and personal circumstances like an in-person conversation might be. Most importantly, sometimes we need friends and even acquaintances with the same understanding of family life to challenge us and point out some flaw in our lives that we may not have eyes to see!

5. Most importantly, "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them." Matthew 18:20. We need Jesus. Therefore, we need to gather with one another as often as possible with like-minded women to pray and offer our thanksgiving and petition to the Lord, Who then will nourish our souls and draw us ever closer to Him. That is how we survive and thrive as busy moms on our way to Heaven.

There are many more reasons why to participate in or begin your own moms' group, but to me, these are the most significant. This topic is so dear to my heart that I will be writing more about what types of groups you might start, ideas to get things going, and troubleshooting common problems.

Are you a part of a moms' group? How has it benefited you?

A New Place

Today I write from a new place. A little over two weeks ago we learned that my husband will be deploying overseas this summer for a nine month support (non-combat) mission. This is his second year as a JAG reservist and will be our first deployment. I am so proud of this accomplishment and his heart for service, but that doesn't make it much easier emotionally as a wife and mother. 

While we previously knew it was a matter of when, not if, he would deploy, I don't think one can truly prepare for such news. It's not real until it is. I was initially in shock and emotionally distraught. We told the children, resilient little things, who shrugged off the seemingly faraway plans. My teen daughter said she understands it is just a part of Dad's job. My oldest son wanted to know if he would get to travel on a ship or military plane. I listened hidden in the next room, not yet able to show them the peaceful strength they need from me.

So for about a week I was in a daze, mindlessly putting one foot in front of the other, doing the things that had to be done, and letting the gravity of it sink in. Tears sprang to my eyes whenever I thought of being away from my husband so long and coping with the emotions of my children when they miss him (which broke my heart in two when he was gone for eight weeks of training a year and a half ago).

 

Then I realized I had to see people and answer questions (besides those very close friends and family who I pretty much demanded begin praying for us immediately) and I really didn't want to think about it. Details started to attack my brain whenever I imagined him away. All the work. All the responsibility. Little relief. There was so much to think about that I couldn't handle it, so I chose not to think, not to talk. I spent about a week feeling bitter and deliberately not thinking about or talking about all the things. I reluctantly sent an email to our homeschool group to share our news and explain that I wasn't able to talk about it in front of my children yet. Of course, I received a flood of prayers and offers of practical support from our generous community.

 

Last week I started to come out of that stage. I made a list of things to do in the next couple of months before he leaves for advance training. My husband and I started to chat about expectations while he is gone. I'm not sure what this new stage is, but I know I need to move on. I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I also know I cannot move towards the sorrow of him leaving but towards the joy and hope of Christ. I am taking things one day at a time and trying to keep the worries at bay.

 

Humbly I ask for your prayers. I know this is only a tiny corner of the Internet, but I like it here. It's my place to share how God is working in my life, and I have a feeling I will have a lot to share in the coming year. But time to write might be more challenging! God has never failed to provide abundant graces for our family when we need them, and I know He will do the same during this new opportunity.

 

How Can We Sin if We Love God?

I think we sometimes forget that our actions must demonstrate and prove our love. It's not that we don't love God all the time, even when we sin. It's that we forget we must act in love at all times. We must strive to remember. Starting each day in prayer and stopping several times throughout each day to pray can help jog our foggy mommy brains.

Think of your children. You love them at all times. You would probably give your life to preserve theirs. But, like all parents, we are human and lose our patience. We sometimes do not always act as lovingly as we feel. This doesn't mean it is okay to yell at our kids; we should discipline firmly but screaming and insulting them (which most of us sometimes do) is unacceptable. So part of this answer is that we do love, we just don't act lovingly.

On the other hand, if we consistently, time after time, do not obey God, then we must not love God as much as we think we do. It is important that we admit our sin and actually TRY to change. We ARE capable of improving.

I try to remember that "Only God is perfect, and I am not Him," but, I also remind myself that I cannot ever give up on myself. God never does. It is our calling to constantly reform our lives towards holiness. This Scripture helps me (Hebrews 12: 1-4):

"1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us,
2 looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.
4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood."

We are told to let go of our sin and not let it weigh us down but also to keep running the race, never giving up. Christ will ensure we do not grow weary if we only ask for His help to persevere.

Praying, though, is the most important thing we can do as mothers. A priest told me once in Confession (oh, and getting to Mass and Confession regularly is the second most important) that our children were given free will just like we were. For them to see us fail and apologize and keep trying is a better lesson than to see that we are perfect. No one is perfect but God. I am not God. They need that lesson to humble them, and in that process, we are humbled, too.

When children see their mothers humble, they will learn humility. This priest also pointed out that we are imperfect people trying to guide other imperfect people to perfection. The process is going to be ugly and require us to change little by little. It was encouraging to hear him remind me that the Christian life is all about perseverance, not giving up, no matter how frustrated we are. It's a grace for our children to see that.

Children are going to disobey and backtalk. The best thing we can do is to admit to our children that being a mommy is the best job in the world but the hardest job in the world. We should ask them to pray for us and to forgive us when we mess up.

Mamas, don't seek perfection, just improvement, little by little, day by day. Choose one thing in your life to focus on for 2-3 weeks before trying to make another change. I get overwhelmed and want it all better now, but that is not the road our Lord has chosen for us. Slow and steady wins the race.

7 Weapons for Battling Burnout

While media can certainly be a source of stress for any homeschooling mother, I am continuously in awe of how talented individuals provide inspirational resources in such abundance. Today, I'm sharing seven weapons that can help you battle burnout in this season of blahs.

1. The free REFRESH Midwinter Virtual Conference is a gift from Homeschool Connections to all homeschooling parents. This series of webinars includes ten live sessions on a range of topics all designed to inspire you to survive until summer! I hope to be participating in the Staying Positive, Giving Thanks, and Managing Distractions webinars. Once upon a time I presented a couple of webinars, and you can still view my Homeschool Help Webinars free by logging in as a guest.

2. The Pray More Retreat is a Lenten opportunity from Pray More Novenas to anyone who wishes to deepen their prayer life. Each of the 16 video presentations is available to view at your convenience for a pay-what-you-can registration fee. You know how important I think prayer is to successful homeschooling, so I look forward to viewing these presentations in the weeks ahead!

3. It is not too late to sign up for access to the Faces of Mercy Online Catholic Conference 4 Moms with my $4.00 off coupon code (mother). I have viewed all of the English presentations, some more than once, and they are all fabulous! These ideas for living the Jubilee Year of Mercy in a practical way are a helpful addition to my list of resources for celebrating in my home.

4. This is my third year joining Elizabeth Foss's Restore Workshop. The core materials include a collection of 21 essays compiling years of hard-earned wisdom on how to avoid and crawl out of burnout, as well as daily devotionals for Lent, which focus on restoration. If you are ready to do the hard work of healing mind, body, and soul, this workshop is for you. Read about the additional bonus materials here, but please register for the workshop using my affiliate link if you would be so kind.

5. One of my all time favorite books is Seasons of a Mother's Heart: Heart to Heart Encouragement for Homeschool Moms by Sally Clarkson. (affiliate link)  Her gentle testimony of homeschooling her four children through the varied seasons of life inspires me to keep moving forward while relying on Christ for my strength. Every time I hear her speak (her podcast is excellent) or read her words, I feel like a personal mentor is holding my hand and helping me through these busy days.

6. And those who know me well know I am a champion cheerleader for Sarah Mackenzie's incredible book Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakeable Peace. (affiliate link)  While I was part skeptic after reading her book the first time, I can truly say that embracing the Godly advice in this book has changed my life. It has changed me and my homeschooling for the best!

7. This one is for those of you who read the other six takes and lamented that you don't have time for virtual conferences or the money to invest in another resource: Invite a friend or acquaintance, preferably a fellow Catholic homeschooling mama if you are one, for tea (or coffee if you insist). You can meet in the wee hours of the morning or late at night at a coffee shop or restaurant. You can close all the doors in your house, tidy the open space, and invite them to bring their kids to your house (or not, but there is joy in this kind of tidy). That's it. Just get together. I am constantly setting up these kinds of chats and opening my home to other mothers, because it's what I need to refresh my soul!

I hope that one thing here can help you out of your February blahs. What has helped in the past when burnout threatens you?

A Mom in Need Is a Friend Indeed!

So often I hear moms talk about wanting to serve the poor and being frustrated that they cannot practically serve with young children. There are many local organizations that do not allow children to volunteer or even be present at their facilities due to liability issues. And it can be difficult to feel that you are living the Gospel even if you do intentionally serve your family as a way to live the Good News.

But I guarantee you there are moms around you that are in need. They are just like you. They might be you. Just today I have been texting two friends who are significantly suffering emotionally this weekend, pledged to pray for a friend of a friend with a terribly difficult pregnancy situation, chatted with two moms facing the challenges of live-in mothers-in-law, shared my own struggles with uncertainties in the near future, and listened to a couple of other women share about family members whom they struggle to love.

I have had two mom friends share with me they have had a panic attack in the past two months. Two moms told me last month about the real challenges to cut back on their families' extracurricular activities to reduce their stress levels. Three mothers I know are enduring the hassle of moving across the country, as well. And two other friends bear the cross of a spouse who doesn't practice the faith.

That's eight of us today and another nine in the past two months, and those are just the ones I can remember at the moment. All these women are in need of mercy. We are, at the moment, the poor in spirit. What can we do to lift them up even if they don't ask for help?

• Pray! I would hope this goes without saying, but I know it needs said. We say "I'll pray for you," but how often do we remember to pray for those intentions? Do you have a book of intentions or another place to record those needs? I use the Echo app to keep track of who needs my prayers, because in my life, if it's not written down, it doesn't exist!
• Text! This a very easy way to say hello and check in on friends. Send them a Scripture verse or just a smiley to brighten their day. Checking in to see how they're doing allows them the freedom to respond or to hold things in their heart, as needed.
• Drop off a meal/flowers/chocolate/wine! If you are at the store and see something that might lift the spirits of a fellow mom, grab it and leave it on their doorstep. Or make a meal that can be easily frozen and call to ask when would be a good time to deliver it (rather than ask if you can bring a meal).
• Call! Make a commitment to call a friend once a week. You don't have to call the same friend every week, but nourishing friendships by making the personal connection of a phone call can dramatically impact those who are suffering. Not only do you give them the chance to vent if they wish, you make it clear that you are there when they need you.
• Meet for coffee or a margarita! There's nothing quite like one on one face to face time to build relationship. I have been trying to make this a priority with several of my friends, and I can't tell you how beneficial the quality time is to our weary souls. Sometimes it's with kids, and sometimes it's just us. But seeing the face of a friend always fills my cup!

One essential note: If you are the one in need, please ask for and accept offers of help from others. You are actually extending grace by allowing them to serve you. You are giving them the opportunity to witness to the mercy of Christ. Both the giver and the receiver are blessed, so do not feel embarrassed or weak by asking for assistance!

Has there been a time that someone unexpectedly reached out to you when you were in need? How did that impact your suffering?

Love Does Not Insist on Its Own Way

Fr. Nathan Cromley in his Faces of Mercy* presentation talked about the parable of the Good Samaritan in a way that convicted me. He said all those who did not stop to help the injured man kept walking, because there was something in their minds that was more important than stopping to help him.

If we truly trust God to direct our lives, then we should stop and do what's in front of us truly needing attention and trust He will work out the rest. I think of 1 Corinthians here: "[Love] does not insist on its own way." But we do, at least I do. Ridiculously, I believe that sticking to my plan and getting it all done is better than doing what the Lord puts in front of me at a given moment.

We think that we do not have time for certain things, a phone call from a needy friend or relative, a child begging to play or read a story, or pulling up the daily readings to reflect for a few minutes. When we put first things first, God rewards us. As I told my teenager the other night, when I stop what I am doing and give the little boys a few minutes of focused attention first, they often then play joyfully for a long while, allowing me to accomplish more than I would have if I kept rebuking their interruptions.

Rather than taking the attitude of Parkinson, "work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion," and worrying about the abundance of tasks that are more important in my mind, I advise taking the Life's Little Instruction Book way:

Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.

Have a blessed day, letting God lead the way!

* It's not too late to register for access to the Faces of Mercy Online Catholic Conference 4 Moms! You get access for the duration of Lent to over twenty fantastic presentations for only $10.99 with coupon code "mother"

Five Ways to Survive (Actually to Thrive) This Lent!

I really had hoped to have this post up last week. Does anyone else feel like Lent is racing toward us like a freight train, giving one very little time to prayerfully prepare? Well, maybe that's a good thing that will keep me humble. If I don't have a carefully thought out plan for Lent, God can't laugh at me when the plans don't go my way, right?

I want to share five ways you can have the best Lent ever! While most of these are resources to purchase, I chose to highlight them, because they can take us all the way through Lent. I don't know about you, but somewhere around the third week, I often begin to neglect the spirit of Lent, even if I miraculously stick to my Lenten prayers and sacrifices. I need something to keep me on track all the way to Easter, and I hope one of these tips/resources will help you do just that!

1. Get an Accountability Partner! I had this idea last weekend, as I was debating my Lenten sacrifice. Find a friend who understands you and can be positive and encouraging. Share your Lenten commitments with each other and text or email daily to share successes and challenges. Help each other not to give up, especially when you fall on your face! A friend and I did this once when we both admitted having a tough time getting out of bed in the morning and starting our days with prayer. A quick "good morning" text made it so much easier to get out from under the covers! Having another woman to both keep me accountable and push me to persevere this Lent might just make these 40 days more meaningful than ever before.

2. Join the Waiting in His Word Scripture Study! This lectio divina study is an ebook ($11) designed especially for mothers of young children by a team of women, which includes a dear friend of mine. I used their Advent study and found it was a simple addition to my daily routine. Each week of Lent provides reflections written by fellow Catholic moms in the trenches and five related Bible verses with which to pray. Pope Francis said he wants us to grow closer to the Lord by "listening to God’s word and by practising the works of mercy" this Lent, so this is a great way to follow his wisdom!

3. Immerse yourself in Elizabeth Foss's Restore Workshop! (affiliate link) If you are a Christian mother feeling depleted, this study is for you. I have enjoyed participating in this online workshop for the past two years. The meaty essays and daily prayer prompts in the bargain bundle ($15) provide both a spiritual balm for a wary mama's soul and practical suggestions for finding joy in our daily lives and avoiding burnout. Plus, there are podcasts, printables, and more if you purchase the full bundle ($49). In fact, if you feel worn down by motherhood, doing this workshop is an act of mercy for yourself! Read more here, and please consider purchasing at my affiliate link above.

4. Grow with the Catholic Conference 4 Moms: Faces of Mercy! This is another online resource that I'm excited to join for the second year. Starting February 20 through Easter, you can view over 20 online presentations ($14.99-$4 with coupon code "mother") by such well-known speakers as Kimberly Hahn, Fr. Frank Pavone, Gary Zimak, and Simcha Fisher whenever you want. The flexibility of the online conference concept and the quality of the topics combine to make a perfect plan to meditate on mercy during this Jubilee year! In fact, our mom's group has signed up for the group conference, so we can use the presentations at our meetings over the next several months! Read more here, and please consider purchasing at my affiliate link above.

5. Just breathe. Remember that it's not about choosing the most challenging sacrifice or prayer plan. The Lord is waiting for you and simply wants you to turn to him. Even simple sacrifices offered with a heart for Christ can radically change you. All God asks is faith.

What are your ideas for a way to keep the spirit of Lent for all 40 days?

Divine Mercy for Our Children

I am not putting up any links today. Instead I want to share a gift of understanding the Lord gave me at Mass on Divine Mercy Sunday. I was appropriately pondering the mercy of God and how He continues to embrace us despite our weaknesses. My reflection focused on how I continue to fall short in the same areas over and over again.


Whoever approaches the Fountain of Life on this day will be granted complete forgiveness of sins and punishment. (Diary,300)

Just then, my toddler needed redirecting. Mission accomplished, I refocused on the homily. Jesus' mercy is open to us all at all times. It is a free gift given generously, not begrudgingly to us. He looks upon us with love when we accept His mercy despite our numerous failings.

Souls that make an appeal to My mercy DELIGHT me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion (Diary, 1146).

Just then, my toddler needed redirecting. He was a little more indignant this time, wishing to do it "his way." When he settled down, I began to listen again. Jesus' love for us is tender and ever-patient. We cannot imagine the magnitude of His mercy. It is waiting for us to submit to His love.

O my Jesus, the life, the way and the truth, I beg You to keep me close to You as a mother holds a baby to her bosom, for I am not only a helpless child, but an accumulation of misery and nothingness.(Diary, 298)

Just then, my toddler needed redirecting. I started to feel frustrated. I could feel the heat inside. Why won't he just sit still? Right. He's a toddler. In Mass. But, I have to correct him over and over again in the same way. It gets old. Right. I am his mother. It is so challenging to repeat the same redirection over and over with such little change in his behavior. I love him, so I must persevere. And, here is where the 2x4 hit me in the head.

I demand from you deeds of mercy, which are to arise out of love for Me. You are to show mercy to your neighbors always and everywhere. You must not shrink from this or try to excuse or absolve yourself from it. (Diary, 1317)

This is how Jesus must feel when I repeatedly sin. He is the perfect parent and looks upon me not with frustration or scorn but with pure love. Perfect love from the Father is merciful love. I am called to share that mercy with my children, but most importantly, I must first accept it from Him Who loves me perfectly. Every day, no matter my inadequacies, He offers His mercy to me.

My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners…[I]t is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. (Diary, 367)

If I can accept His mercy every day, He will enable me to pass His mercy on to my children. I can pass on His gift of mercy to others only when I allow it to pour over me on a daily basis. I simply must acknowledge that I need His perfect mercy every single day of my life and will continue to need it until the day I die.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Blessings,

This Job Is Hard

Falling into the couch the other night after a long day, my husband says to me, "This is hard work!" He was referring to the complex task of raising three children that day. His simple comment stuck with me, as I realized I needed to be reminded of this fact.

So, here is your reminder, Friend. This job is hard. Motherhood. Homeschooling. They are not easy tasks, and we should not keep hoping for the day when it will get easier. Don't get me wrong. It does get easier. Different seasons of life result in different levels of difficulty. But, in the grand scheme of things, this job is hard. It is hard, because it is important.

Physically, by the end of the day (or the middle of the day) you want to fall to the ground and surrender. Of course, this may not apply if you are under the age of 30! You may ache from pregnancy, ache from a night with a toddler flopping all over you as he slept, ache from running to rescue dare devil children from certain injury, ache from rocking an infant for hours, ache from keeping up with children at a park or zoo, ache from standing all day long (the last time you sat was to go to the restroom, and that was yesterday), or other similar feats.

Then, there are the worries. Are they eating enough? Sleeping enough? Are they behind in math? Ahead in spelling? Do they know Jesus? Will they keep the faith? Who are their friends? Are they healthy? How do I keep them safe? Do they have kind hearts? Will they get to Heaven? These and more spin in our heads, as we try to do what's best for our babies. A mother's worries never end...unless she finds the peace in giving it all to God.

The heart of a mother is stretched like her bulging belly during pregnancy. We are forced to love harder than we ever thought possible, which makes loss that much more painful. Someday our children will "leave the nest." Even though my oldest is only nine, I am starting to see evidence that she will one day walk away from me and have "her own life." The years of my influence are waning, and so I feel called to love her ever more each day. I work harder to help her grow into the strong, delightful young lady I know God has created her to be. But, this mother's heart knows I am not in control. God will lead her. I just have to keep trying to steer her back towards Him over and over again.

To raise virtuous children, I must grow in virtue. I must control my reactions. I must never let my guard down. It is exhausting, as it should be. We are called to give our all to God to fulfill His will for us. His will for me is to raise these babies and give them back to Him, so if I do not give every ounce of myself every day to glorifying Him in this vocation, I fail. It is okay to be tired. I must acknowledge that I am working hard.

Note: I do not mean that if your sanity is compromised by your exhaustion, that is excusable. Sometimes we truly do need a helping hand, whether from another person or by giving ourselves a break and/or cutting something on our to-do list. I am speaking here about the general day-to-day weariness that comes from loving until it hurts but still knowing in your mother's heart that you can do it all over again tomorrow.

For God has designed motherhood. Our model of motherhood, the Blessed Virgin Mary, had the most difficult motherhood of any. She saw her son ridiculed and crucified, knowing that He was the Son of God. What a painful way to let go of your only child! In Mary's strength, we can find strength for this job. We can endure its struggles and be renewed in mind and spirit to carry on with a loving, gentle, mother's heart.

How do you cope with exhausting days? Have you found ways to stay consistent despite the weariness?

Blessings,

Mom Achievement Award - MH

These awards were conceived after my husband received an achievement award at work, I shared my pride with my best friend, and she responded by emailing me the first Mom Achievement Award.

We are mothers. We do not see recognition for changing diapers, washing laundry, or mopping floors. Our achievements, such as getting dinner on the table and settling a dispute between irate siblings, are significant only to our immediate family. But, they are still significant.

Yes, God has called us to this vocation. It is impossible to have children without His hand, and He has sent us the perfect number, ages, genders, and personalities to bring out the best in ourselves. Of course, that means many, many character building days, as He chisels away our undesirable attributes and leads us to holiness. The only reward we truly seek is our eternal reward.

So, my dear friend, as publicly as I can, I want to recognize you for your achievements as a mother. For even if no one else sees your hard work and dedication, God sees, and I know from being your friend, that He is pleased.

MH, I hereby declare that your loving sensitivity to the needs of your children has been noticed. You never fail in seeking what is best for each one of their minds, bodies, and souls, and that is to be applauded. And, of course, your unconditional love for your children, demonstrated by the continual pesronal sacrifices you make on their behalf, is officially recognized in this declaration. May our Lord bless your family and your vocation as a mother!



Blessings,

True Confessions

One of the greatest lessons this recovering-perfectionist has learned since becoming a mother is to cut myself some slack. Have you learned that yet? It is a work in progress over here, but I think I am doing pretty well. If you know me, and you doubt me, I will post photos to prove it! (once my Internet cooperates!)

Last week, my husband was out of town, and I night-weaned my little guy (well, I use past tense, but...). I barely cleaned. I napped daily. We ate off of paper plates at every meal. "Meal" is a term I use loosely, since my children are happy with cheese and crackers or deli turkey rolled in tortillas most days. Dishes sat in the sink for a couple of days; I did manage to rinse them most days. There was a pile of clean laundry on my living room floor all week (see photo proof), but I was at least getting things washed! We sorted through it when we wanted to find something.

Our schoolwork was light; just the basics got done. We are technically behind, but I figured out a way to rearrange my school calendar that just has us finishing up a few things before Christmas. I had planned very few outings and invited a few people over for various meals (some of which got cancelled when I thought my daughter was coming down with the flu). And, worst of all, I did not shower every day. Two of the times I did shower, I had to scurry out, barely rinsed and dripping wet, to fetch the baby who had woken up at that very moment.

As a new mom, nine years ago, this would have horrified me. I am orderly. I am organized. I do not like cleaning and laundry, but I cannot stand a messy house. But, you know what? I love my kids and know that mommy's sanity requires cutting myself some slack when I am tired and playing single mom for a week!

Are you a recovering-perfectionist who has learned to cut yourself some slack? Or are you one to naturally let things go and struggling to create order?

Blessings,

Everything Changes

except the talent of Marie Bellet! I purchased her newest CD as a birthday present for myself. What a wealth of wisdom for Catholic mothers.

If you are not familiar with her music, Marie Bellet is a Catholic mom of nine who lives in Nashville and writes her own music about being a mother and a wife. I am an addict. I have been to two concerts and own all four CDs. Her songs keenly share the joys and struggles of our vocation.

Her latest, titled Everything Changes, includes "This House Is the Place to Be" which ends with:

On the glider, on the front stoop with my tension tamer tea

and the very next song, the title track, begins with:

Whenever I think that I know what I'm doing, everything changes


But my very favorite words come in "How Do I Look to You?":

No I'm not qualified for my own life
Much less a mother and a wife
They all need more than I can give


It's all wonderful. Check out her music! Be inspired!

(I get nothing for my thoughts here from Marie Bellet, Elm Street Records, or any other entity or person)

Blessings,

Mom Achievement Award --- TG

Recently, my husband received an award at work. I was so proud of him that I immediately emailed my very best friend, because I knew she would understand. And, I was pretty sure my husband wasn't going to tell anyone at all, since he is far from the bragging type.

In response, she wrote this:

Consider this email your "[Antonina] achievement award." Your friends know how fabulous you are because you stick by us and love us unconditionally. Your family knows how amazing you are for being so loving and committed. We just hope YOU know how great you are. God loves you and so do we!!!

Her words made me grin from ear to ear. We are mothers. We do not seek recognition for changing diapers, washing laundry, or mopping floors. Our achievements, such as getting dinner on the table and settling a dispute between irate siblings, are significant only to our immediate family. But, they are still significant.

Yes, God has called us to this vocation. It is impossible to have children without His hand, and He has sent us the perfect number, ages, genders, and personalities to bring out the best in ourselves. Of course, that means many, many character building days, as He chisels away our undesirable attributes and leads us to holiness. The only reward we truly seek is our eternal reward.

So, my dear friend, as publicly as I can, I want to recognize you (and hopefully others in the future) for your achievements as a mother. For even if no one else sees your hard work and dedication, God sees, and I know from being your friend, that He is pleased.

TG, I hereby declare that your admirable determination to bless your children with profound faith in God and noble spirit of service to others has been noticed. You consistently maintain the priorities of prayer and selflessness in your family, and that is to be applauded. And, of course, your unconditional love for your children, demonstrated by the continual personal sacrifices you make on their behalf, is officially recognized in this declaration. May our Lord bless your family and your vocation as a mother!

Who deserves a Mom Achievement Award from you today?

Blessings,