Purgatory in the Narthex

Today I managed, via some excellent peer pressure, to get to daily Mass with my four children. As we arrived barely on time for the 9am Mass, I could see something was different. The church was quite crowded with professionally-dressed, broadly smiling women, and it did not seem anyone was at all ready to begin Mass on time. Then I remembered and leaned over to whisper to my daughter, "Didn't they say something last Sunday about the Mass time being different today due to the teachers' Mass?" She nodded, and it all came back to me: Mass at 9:30, back to school Mass for teachers of the diocese, the bishop. Yikes!

I had a quick mental conversation with God:

Me: Do I really need to be here?

God: Yes.

Me: But I have to keep these kids happy for 30 more minutes before Mass and then they have to sit still and be quiet for what will be a longer-than-usual, barely any kids here daily Mass.

God: But when is the last time you came to daily Mass to be with me? Don't you need my grace?

Me: Yes. Sigh.

Needless to say, after a short walk to discover the line for the ladies' room was at least twenty teachers long, we stayed for Mass, and shortly after the sign of the cross, I had to take my (loudly-spitting) three-year-old to the narthex, towing the (plugging-his-ears-from-the-loud-organ) six-year-old along. And we didn't get to go back due to what might have been more spitting, some brotherly kicking, and general flopping about from both boys. I was disappointed and eventually joined by five other parents with wiggly kids, possibly the only other adults who brought children.

I kept reminding myself that the grace was there and that it was a special grace to be at a Mass said by a bishop, but I was feeling kind of sad. I wanted to be able to at least see the altar! I gave thanks my two older children were mature enough to stay in the church and fully experience the liturgy. Between the distractions of the boys not able to sit still (since they couldn't see anything either) and the frustration at my expectations for a relatively quick and quiet daily Mass being crushed, I was grumbling inside.

But as I sank down on my knees near the pew against the narthex wall to pray during the consecration, I glanced through the floor to ceiling, wall to wall windows separating the narthex from the nave. I was separated from God by this wall. I could not quite see Him, but I knew He was truly present in the Eucharist just a few feet away, but at the moment, unattainable.

And I recalled that someone once shared with me that it is possible the most intense pain in purgatory is caused by knowing you are so close to going to Heaven, to be in God's almighty presence, but not able to get there just yet.

For a few minutes, I gave thanks that I was living that purgatory there (with wiggly boys climbing all over me and battling for lap space), because with the suffering of purgatory comes the guarantee of eternal life with God. I remembered that there would be crazy-wonderful grace later in addition to the grace of the moment.

Mamas, we have all been there. Our bodies often deflate as we make that seemingly long walk to the narthex, cry room, or outside with a wiggly, loud, or crying child. The next time it happens to you, look at that wall, window, or door separating you from the rest of the congregation and give thanks. God is there, just a bit out of reach, and someday we will be closer to Him than we can even imagine!

Inspiring Books for Catholic Moms' Group Discussions

If you want to start a moms' group but your group wants something a little meatier than my simple suggestions from a few days ago, I thought I would list my ten favorite books to discuss with fellow Catholic mothers. The first two are specifically homeschooling titles, and the last two are fairly secular, but all are fantastic!

1. Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakeable Peace by Sarah Mackenzie --- Those who know me personally know that I share this book every chance I get. There is so much to ponder in this slim volume. It is like slipping into a warm bath and letting the wise words soak into your skin. This book could be discussed in 3-4 sittings or split into a dozen. And, there's a companion journal with reflection questions already written! (not specifically Catholic)

2. Seasons of a Mother's Heart: Heart to Heart Encouragement for Homeschool Moms by Sally Clarkson --- With a gentle, motherly tone, this author helps us reflect on the seasons of mothering and homeschooling we all face by sharing intimate details of her joys and struggles as a homeschooling mom. This is another book I reread periodically to refocus my goals to be in line with God's goals for my vocation and provides a wonderful discussion starter for all homeschooling mothers, regardless of which season each currently enjoys. (not Catholic)

3. The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity by Sally Clarkson --- This book focuses on the relationship each mother has with her child and the ways we are called to form their hearts for Christ. Conversations about our relationships with our God, our children, our home, and eternity cover all aspects of motherhood in inspiring and specific ways, making this title a fantastic reflection for all mothers. (not Catholic)

4. Kimberly Hahn's Life-Nurturing Love series on Proverbs 31 --- Now a series of four titles, these guides to the historical and spiritual meaning of becoming a Proverbs 31 woman are beautiful. Step by step they take readers through the Scripture and expound on how wives and mothers are called to serve God and our families. Reading these books inspires moms to recognize our unique role in the world and what our vocation asks of us in the modern world.

5. Any Scott Hahn book --- I especially like First Comes Love and Hail Holy Queen for moms' group discussions, but many others would be suitable. The key about these books in groups is to take them slowly and pause frequently to discuss and ponder aloud the material. And while discussions about our beliefs as Catholics are important, be sure to talk about how to connect the teachings to our daily lives as mothers.

6. Holiness for Housewives and Other Working Women by Hubert van Zeller --- Another short read, this one is full of depth. Reading a short passage can provide incredible discussions about how to carry on the repetitive work of running a household and allowing that work to be our sanctification rather than a stumbling block to our holiness.

7. A Mother's Rule of Life: How to Bring Order to Your Home and Peace to Your Soul by Holly Pierlot --- I actually think this book is best read when you can discuss it with other mothers. The ideas in this book are incredibly practical, but because of my type A personality, I found them too idealistic and enjoyed bouncing ideas off other mothers to be sure my plans are realistic for my family's season of life. But the spiritual guidance in this is invaluable to making sure that, as in the above title, our daily life is a path to Christ.

8. The Woman's Guide to the Catechism of the Catholic Church by Susan Muta and Fr. Van Kaam --- Again, this is one best read and discussed with others. Each chapter even includes discussion questions, and you can bring along a Catechism to look up various points. This is a special way to walk through the new Catechism focusing on areas of special interest to family life.

9. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: Building a Beautiful Family Culture in a Turbulent World by Stephen Covey --- There is a lot to cover with this book! If you are familiar with Covey's seven habits, you will especially enjoy how he applies them to family life, providing testimonials and practical steps to ensure that your family's relationships are being continually strengthened. We could never read an entire chapter in one meeting, but applying his principles to the domestic church was even more inspiring to me than applying them to my personal life.

10. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger --- I know you are laughing at me for putting this title here, but if your group can get past the drama (and sin) in the stories Dr. Laura tells to make her points, this book provided some of the best discussions I have had in a moms' group! There is so much practical advice here and fodder for wonderful conversations about how we serve our husbands. Just be sure you set some ground rules before beginning, like no husband-bashing and make sure your husband is comfortable with what you share. I found our discussions centered on the positive ways we enrich our marriages and sharing success stories about what has worked in our relationships.


Other suggestions I think would be fantastic by Catholic authors, but I have not personally tried in a group setting:

• The Little Oratory: A Beginner's Guide to Praying in the Home by Leila Lawler & David Clayton
• Divine Mercy for Moms: Sharing the Lessons of St. Faustina by Michele Faehnle & Emily Jaminet
• A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms: 52 Companions for Your Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul by Lisa Hendey
• The Hidden Power of Kindness: A Practical Guide for Those Who Dare to Transform the World One Deed at a Time by Fr. Lovasik
• Growing in the Virtues of Jesus: The Marianist Method of Virtues for Use in Groups by Fr. Hanenewerth
• Smart Martha's Catholic Guide for Busy Moms by Tami Kiser
• Imitating Mary: Ten Marian Virtues for the Modern Mom by Marge Fenelon
• The Domestic Church Room by Room: A Study Guide for Catholic Mothers by Donna Marie Cooper O'Boyle
• The Grace of Yes: Eight Virtues for Generous Living by Lisa Hendey
• Random Moments of Grace: Experiencing God in the Adventures of Motherhood by Ginny Moyer

What other books (not full studies; I'll cover those soon) would you recommend for a moms' group to give a try?

The Easiest Moms' Group You'll Ever Lead

Our vocation of motherhood is a busy one. You want to socialize with other moms, but you barely have five minutes a day to give away to pursuits outside of your home. When you get those moms together for your first gathering, here are a few things that have worked for the groups I have led that require minimal effort and preparation.

When I was a new mother, the moms' group I joined at that time, would encourage the mothers in the group to take turns bringing various articles or excerpts from books to share with the group. Each mom could sign up to lead one of the gatherings, and she would make copies of the articles/excerpts she wanted to share, usually writing 3-5 discussion questions to go along with the material. At meetings, we read out loud, just going around in the circle, each reading a paragraph or a few. Then we discussed the questions. It was fairly simple, and the leader wasn't responsible for coming up with new material each week. I also felt it was a wonderful opportunity to explore a variety of topics, because each mom wanted to share something near and dear to her heart, often material I would not have read on my own and sometimes ideas with which I disagreed but still found fascinating to hear.

Another option that requires even less preparation is to simply reflect on the Sunday Gospel(s) for the upcoming week(s). The above group was founded with this practice and thrived on it. Everyone would bring a Bible, and the leader would look up the passages to be discussed. They read the Scripture aloud and paused to discuss in between each passage their thoughts and how to apply it to our lives as mothers. Sometimes the leader prepared questions or had a Bible study resource as supplement to the Gospels but not always.

If that still sounds like too much effort or might not fit the vibe of your particular group, consider gathering simply to pray a Rosary and then just chat. In a smaller group, opening up the discussion to any topic would work. In a larger group, you might have moms jot down a conversation starter on a note card as they walk in the door and pull those out after the Rosary to keep things flowing. Since one of the main purposes of gathering with like-minded women is to fulfill Matthew 18:20, and Our Lady is the perfect role model for mothers, praying the mysteries together can be extraordinarily fruitful.

Maybe your group needs to get to know one another in a more relaxed atmosphere over wine and margaritas! Moms' Nights Out are a fantastic way to either begin a moms' group or supplement a planned discussion group. Every time I have planned a Moms' Night Out, women come, and even when it's only one or two other women, we rejoice in one another and are refreshed by the night out. You can meet at a restaurant or plan a fun activity like painting or bowling. I guarantee you will have interest, and the Holy Spirit will guide your fellowship to provide each attendee with the graces they need if you allow Him.

Too tough to get together without kids? Several of the above options could certainly be done with children either in the room with you or in the next room. Put on a Catholic video during the Rosary to keep them quiet in the next room or hire some teens to help babysit while you have an uninterrupted discussion. But if you don't think those options work for your fellow moms, just meet at a park. Choose a time of day when the weather is best and get together with moms and kids! We can be nourished immensely by one another's company whether the setting be structured or informal. The point is that we need to get together.

I hope you can see that once you get women together, it is not that difficult to keep going if you choose a format that works for most moms. There are other options, like book studies and Bible studies that I will review soon, but if you are looking for simple, these ideas will get the job done!

Which of the above ideas most appeals to you and why?