Friday, January 23, 2009

Nuggets of Intimacy ~ Broken to Bits

In earlier posts I mentioned the Lord sometimes inspiring me with an idea or thought during my Holy Hours, usually at the end. For what it is worth, I feel called to share some of these with you. I refer to them as "nuggets of intimacy," because my feeble brain can only receive small portions at a time. Nevertheless, when the thought comes to me, I know it is from God, because I feel so intimate with Him at that moment. Here goes...

My attention was focused on the stems of wheat in the etched glass in the Adoration chapel. I recalled that wheat symbolizes bread, more specifically here, the Bread of Life. At that time, I more appropriately directed my eyes to the Eucharist before me, acknowledging that He is truly present and alive in the Bread of Life. Last summer I was given a fleeting but vivid moment of grace where for the first time ever I truly understood and believed that in what I saw as the host truly was Jesus, not merely His body and blood, but His living, breathing flesh.

Reflecting on the Bread of Life brought to mind simultaneously the loaves and fishes Jesus fed to the crowds, the Last Supper, and the Mass. In each instance, the bread is always broken and distributed to all. The nugget then came --- We are each called to be broken like this bread, broken to bits, and distributed to those around us. This was quite a shocking thought, because my blunt mind actually pictured my flesh being torn apart. But of course, this is more of a spiritual reality than anything else.

Have we all not said (or screamed) - I feel pulled in a million directions? As mothers, especially, we have so many demands on us that it can feel overwhelming and frustrating. We give to our husbands, our children, our parents, our siblings, our neighbors, our friends, our co-workers, our parish, our ministries, and it goes on and on. The reality is, though, that this is part of our vocation as mothers. We must give of ourselves bit by bit until we think there is nothing left. Then, God will multiply our efforts and supply us with endless bits of Himself to give to others.

We must die to ourselves and be ready to shed every last drop of blood to give to others. This is how we love. This is also how God loves us. He wants us to hold nothing back, deplete everything we have, so we will rely exclusively on Him. When we feel pulled every which way, all we have to do is turn to Him in true surrender, and He alone will energize us and fill us to overflowing once again.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving us so much. It is too much. We surrender everything to you and your Blessed Mother. May everything we give be a portion of you and not merely a part of us.