Lessons from the Lord in 2009

As I begin 2010, I am reflecting on lessons learned in 2009, just like Jen and many others. Below are the significant things I feel the Lord wants me to remember. Will you join me by sharing your lessons learned by posting a comment below?

• Be patient --- Both in my marriage and in my faith, the Lord urged me to wait. At the start of the year I had begun to begrudge the state of my faith and the toll three years of law school had taken on our marriage. I was desperate to move forward at full speed, but the only part I could control (or so I mistakenly thought) was my faith life. So, I tried to fit into a deeper spirituality that remains truly meaningful to me and seemed like a straight shot to God, but to my pleasant surprise, that did not work out. Silly me, after ten years of marriage, I thought I could pull my husband along on a string behind me towards God. Nope. I had to wait, and in time, our marriage healed, then soared, and our faith is taking significant steps together, as well.

• Have confidence ---Some of the year was spent doubting my homeschooling abilities. We all do this. I listened to other mothers and compared my efforts to theirs. I questioned my curriculum choices and wondered why I could not seem to do as much as those moms with four, five, six, and more children. In my heart, though, the Lord reminded me that I love my children, and my choices of books and materials do not have to be perfect for them to learn. My daughter's annual evaluation forced me to see that we accomplished an enormous amount of learning, despite my constant worries. So, I was given the gift to let go of the comparisons and the doubts and simply enjoy teaching, knowing that I truly am the best teacher for my children, despite my inadequacies. And, you know what? Things went very smoothly after that, and I feel good about the remainder of the year.

• Be content --- Suffering a lifetime of subfertility had really taken its toll on me in 2009. We had been TTC for two and a half years (this time) with assistance from the Pope Paul VI Institute, and mid-year, we decided it was time to let it go. I told the Lord it was okay if He only wanted me to have two children and that I would do my best to focus more of my positive energy on them in preparation for whatever else He had in store for my life (instead of the huge family I have wanted for so long). This summer, I felt a freedom and happiness I hadn't felt in forever, and I fell in love with my children all over again, truly enjoying them.

• Trust me --- But, God kept whispering painful things in my heart. He seemed to be telling me that someday I would again have and nurse another baby, giving me hope that I was afraid to accept. I also heard a prompting to make a complete offering of my soul as a willingness to accept whatever trials God was planning to send me. I realized His plan for our family likely would include suffering, perhaps significant pain in the coming months or years, and I felt Him preparing my heart. With hesitation, I agreed to trust Him, knowing that whatever His will is, it is always far better than any plans I could make.

• Be quiet --- You can read more about my initial lessons of silence and my hope to continue this instruction of my soul in 2010 here. I became very quiet in August, September, and October. I gave up a few outside commitments that pained me to cancel. My faith remained my rock intellectually, but externally and internally I kept God at arm's length from the door to my heart. Being sick for much of this time, it was hard to muster any prayer or much conversation. Some of the silence was good for my soul; it needed to heal.

• Praise me --- Because of my decision to trust the Lord, He invited me to a mantra that became my strength during those quiet months. I firmly decided over the summer that I would praise God no matter what. Praying Morning Prayer from the Divine Office truly inspired this declaration, as the psalms chosen are full of words of praise. He is always worthy of praise, regardless of the ups and downs of our lives. I watched a dear family live this to the fullest, when their precious baby girl was prenatally diagnosed with many medical challenges and was taken to the arms of Jesus when she was only nine days old, and they still praised God. What admirable faith!

• Be amazed --- This was truly the greatest lesson of 2009. To our amazement in August, we found out we were finally pregnant (without the aid of our fertility medications) but lost the baby only a week later at six weeks. Anyone who has ever lost a child knows a deep pain that will never go away despite the circumstances of the loss. I have been blessed with that pain and am amazed at its permanence and the fog of quiet in which I lived those three quiet months. But, God is not to be outdone in generosity, and to humble our faith beyond comprehension, He sent us another life immediately. I conceived two weeks after losing that precious little soul. Our little guy is due in early June, and he is gently kicking me now, as I write this. I am amazed (and will be forevermore) by every lesson of 2009. (I just saved the best for last!)

What lessons did you face from the Greatest Teacher in 2009?

Joy at Christmas

These ideas were developed by me for my local group and are not a part of the official Little Flowers Girls Club ® created by Rachel Watkins. To purchase the excellent materials and begin your own local group, please visit www.beholdpublications.com

I had truly hoped this would be posted sooner, despite the busy-ness of the holidays. Oh well. In December, our Little Flowers Girls Club met to discuss the virtue of JOY! This was so appropriate as we approached Christmas and completed our Advents of prayer and preparation. So, here is my very detailed description of our meeting for those who missed it or those who just really want to know!

What a miserable rainy day it was! We had heavy thunderstorms all day long with some flooding, even a tornado warning in the morning. Because the forecast looked like things would settle down for the afternoon, though, I decided not to cancel the meeting. A few moms called me, doubtful they would be able to get their cars out of their driveways or down their streets, but all were safe, and our meeting went well.

After our usual opening prayers (offering, spontaneous prayer, Hail Mary, St. Therese Song), we began to talk about this virtue of joy. I chose to use the whiteboard this day to illustrate a few things, so I wrote JOY in large letters at the top. The girls shared with me their thoughts on joy and then I shared my thoughts on the differences between happiness (usually based on material things or experiences) and joy (a much deeper feeling). We also briefly touched on mirthfulness, since the manual uses that word. I kept that simple, explaining that mirth is like having a positive attitude and being of good humor.

Then, I went back to the large letters at the top and told them that I had learned a secret to how to live the virtue of joy your entire life. We discussed how joy, like any virtue, is a gift from God and that for the gift to grow, we have to practice using it. Writing "esus" under the J, "thers" under the O, and "ourselves" under the Y, I shared that the secret to practicing joy lies in remembering these three things in order. First, we live for Jesus. Second, we live for others. Last, we live for ourselves. I had the girls recite "Jesus, Others, Yourself" several times to remember this unique acronym.

To get the girls moving, I invited them to imitate "If You're Happy and You Know It" and clap their hands if the things I said made them happy. My ideas included ice cream, candy, vegetables, new toys, spiders, sharks, funny movies, playing games, etc... Then, I told them there is an old saying about jumping for joy and asked them to jump if the things I said gave them joy. My ideas included new babies, family times, funerals, the Eucharist, getting lost, Jesus, etc...

By the end everyone was laughing and smiling, so I used the opportunity to ask the girls if laughing and smiling always indicate joy. We talked about how these can be outward signs of joy, but sometimes people laugh or smile at material things (or bad jokes) even when deep down they are not full of the joy that comes from God. I mentioned briefly the Ecclesiastes verse regarding a time to weep and a time to laugh to illustrate that sometimes, even when we may be very joyful, it is not an appropriate time to laugh, especially loudly (such as at funerals or in the middle of Mass).

Finally, we talked about whether it was possible to be joyful even during hard times in our lives. We discussed that one does not have to be rich to have joy and that even a homeless person might have true joy. I reminded them that many of the saints have found joy in mundane tasks or difficult circumstances, like St. Therese and Bl. Teresa of Calcutta. I also told them the flower for joy is a tulip, because tulips are found in the spring when everything is fresh and new and inspires great joy!

Our craft was simply to color this adorable nativity scene below with markers. As you can see, most of the girls did not finish, but I was glad this would give them an opportunity to pull out their posters the last week of Advent to remind them of our meeting and the joy of Christmas.

Before snack, I wanted to let the girls work up a bit of an appetite and move around. I taught them the song "I've God the Joy" and motions to go with it. Here are the lyrics and my motions are below. This mommy was worn out from all the up and down and spinning!

I've got the --- point to self
joy, joy, joy, joy --- clap four times
down --- squat to ground
in my heart --- stand up, hold heart
(where?) --- shrug shoulders with arms extended in questioning
down --- squat to ground
in my heart --- stand up, hold heart
(where?) --- shrug shoulders with arms extended in questioning
down --- squat to ground
in my heart --- stand up, hold heart
I've got the --- point to self
joy, joy, joy, joy --- clap four times
down --- squat to ground
in my heart --- stand up, hold heart
(where?) --- shrug shoulders with arms extended in questioning
down --- squat to ground
in my heart to stay --- stand up, hold heart

And I'm so happy, so very happy. --- twirl with a partner, linking arms
I've got the love of Jesus in my heart. --- switch partners, twirl
And I'm so happy, so very happy. --- switch partners, twirl
I've got the love of Jesus in my heart. --- switch partners, twirl

We all needed snack after that and were blessed by a special treat of cupcakes for our holiday meeting. Then, we sat down and talked about St. Clare. I read the first part of the story of St. Clare from my beloved worn copy of Sixty Saints for Girls by Joan Windham inserting the word joy wherever it was appropriate. We discussed how Clare had such a deep joy that giving up all her riches and struggling to lead her sisters did not discourage her. I also read this amazing story about St. Francis, reminding the girls that it was St. Francis who taught St. Clare, and so his explanation of perfect joy was her understanding of the virtue. This sparked some wonderful discussions on having joy in miserable situations, both those the girls encounter in daily life and more devastating trials.

I asked the girls to tell me how we can make sure we stay joyful even when life gets difficult, and they remembered Jesus-Others-Yourself. Then, I told them I had one more secret to share with them that day, the key to staying joyful. This is modeled after this game I found online. The girls lined up in two lines facing each other and stood about five large steps apart. I gave each of the girls in one line a Hershey kiss (for the holidays). They threw the kiss to the girl across from them. Not very many were able to catch the kisses, chasing them to pick them up, and I asked them how easy it was to catch that sweet treat being so far apart. Of course, they said it was not easy, so I told them to take one giant step towards each other. Then, the girls threw the kiss again. This time I had them raise their hands if they caught the kiss and only about half of the girls did. So, I told them to take another giant step towards each other. At this time, they were only about a step apart. They threw the kiss one last time, and pretty much everyone caught it.

I reminded them how much easier it is to receive something sweet the closer you are to the one giving it. I told them the kiss was to represent the sweet virtue of joy and asked them from whom we get joy. Since God was the answer, my next question was to ask them how they can stay close to God, so it would be easier for them to be joyful at all times. The girls had many wonderful answers from going to Mass to helping the poor to saying prayers. I was impressed how the Holy Spirit took this simple, quick game and made it a very meaningful object lesson. And, yes, at the end I gave all the girls kisses to eat and put a few more handfuls on the tables to eat during our next activity.

While enjoying those sweets, the girls completed their virtue pages on joy. You can see the quotes and images I chose to include below. Now that the girls have done several of these, they are getting quite creative and beautiful.

As the girls were finishing their pages, the electricity went out in the church where we were meeting. This caused a bit of excitement and worry among the girls, but fortunately, the room we were in has excellent emergency lighting. The light was dim, but we were not in the dark. Our biggest difficulty was having to sing the Scripture song without the accompanying CD. I had to call on other moms to help, as I am not confident in my ability to teach a tune.

All ended well, after we sang the Scripture song, we said our closing prayers (St. Therese Prayer, intentions from the girls, asking the saints of this wreath to pray for us), and I distributed patches for Mercy and Courage to those girls who completed their patch projects. Most girls did not get to finish Courage due to the busy Advent season. They took home their Patch Project Sheets and Practice Pages, which you can see below. Some families are really enjoying the Practice Pages and some are not using them, which is great! I wanted to add them as an optional component this year and am glad it seems no one feels pressured to add them where it would be too much for their family and/or daughter(s).

Also, as they were leaving one of the moms had brought goody bags for the girls to take home for Christmas, and I gave each girl this ornament pictured below wrapped for them to open whenever they wanted and hang on their Christmas tree, as the perfect reminder from where true joy comes!

Per the request of the official Little Flowers Girls Club ® I have removed the downloadable patch project sheets and practice pages. If you are interested in learning about how I used these documents in my group, please contact me directly.

A Silent Heart

A word has finally settled in my heart to remember throughout this new year of 2010. Many others have similarly chosen meaningful words or themes such as now and yes and peace. There is an excellent thread on 4Real Forums where many mothers share their words for 2010 and why they were chosen. For me, it will be ~

SILENCE

When this word first came to mind, it was before I was reading about moms choosing a word or theme for the new year. The Lord simply put on my heart a challenge to work on the virtue of silence in the new year. I had long lost sight of any daily time of silence for prayer or reflection, and I had been seeking distraction and mindless occupation online and with television. As I began to read the choices of others, I discovered the depth of this lesson the Lord is trying to impress upon my heart.

I could see the Lord trying to teach me to reduce my constant need for chatter throughout the past year, but my pride did not welcome it. I attended mom's groups and mom's socials and homeschooling gatherings, hoping to find a kindred spirit with whom to share the struggles of my soul. At each meeting, to my dismay, I felt prompted to listen, to ask questions, and not to try to fulfill my own needs, letting God do that. In the fall, I scheduled a trip with a dear friend and planned in my mind the late night discussions we would have after the children were in bed. Her sweet little ones all got dreadfully sick, and our reunion and, thus, the extended conversations were cancelled.

It was after that disappointment I realized these deep thoughts were not meant to share with anyone except my God. Since at that point I was barely speaking to Him, this forced me to embrace my solitude. I often feel alone in large groups or isolated in small groups, like I do not quite connect with the others, and this has bothered me more than ever over the past year. But, once I began to embrace the solitude, I learned there is great peace to be found in the silence of my heart.

With a husband home more over the Christmas holiday, I was also blessed with a much-needed glimpse into a mirror. He is always able to make such astute observations about simple things that would make my life easier or my soul cleaner in a way that does not offend me or put me on the defensive (a true challenge). One such comment had to do with how much I talk and how many words I throw at the children throughout the day. Yes, throw. You know what I mean. I give them instruction every second of every day from our schooling to their hygiene and chores. Internally, I pledged to be quiet more.

Then, of course, on New Year's Day, soon after reading others' choices for words for 2010, the words in the Gospel of Luke jumped out at me at Mass ~

But Mary kept all these things, pondering them in her heart. ~ 2:19

The homily focused on several points, the last being to hold dear the treasure of our hearts and to deeply ponder His presence in our lives. This was fitting, as I had been reflecting throughout Advent on my spiritual journey of 2009 and how prayer was sadly lacking due to the absence of routine we had in the previous several months. A new aspect of Mary to imitate grew roots in my soul.

I also found this quote in my current daily reflection book, Thirsting for God: A Yearbook of Prayers and Meditations by Mother Teresa, on January 2 ~

Let us make this a year of peace in a very particular way: We will try to talk more with God and to God and less with men and to men. And then, from the silence of our hearts, we can preach the peace of Christ as he did, by going about doing good to others.

and this quote on January 4 ~

The apostles devoted themselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word. Their example teaches us that the more we receive in silent prayer, the more we can give in our active life. Therefore, on the streets, in the slums, at work, in the home, we should pray with our whole heart and soul. We must keep that silence which Jesus kept for thirty years at Nazareth. Even now, he keeps it in the tabernacle, silently making intercession for us.

Mother Teresa's words often speak of silence, so I am confident I will be blessed with more wonderful quotes throughout the year that will challenge me to remember my commitment.

Having so many confirmations that silence would be a gift to my soul and to my family, I have chosen to work on being silent, keeping more in my heart, and then giving those hidden things to the Lord more than ever before in 2010.

What is your word, theme, and/or Scripture for this year and why did you choose it?

Sunday, January 10, 2010 ~ The Baptism of the Lord

Note: These Sunday & Holy Day Gospel Reflections are written so that mothers may prepare for Holy Mass in advance either as a small group or individually (especially since we are so often necessarily distracted during Mass itself).




Luke 3:15-16, 21-22


The people were filled with expectation,
and all were asking in their hearts
whether John might be the Christ.
John answered them all, saying,
“I am baptizing you with water,
but one mightier than I is coming.
I am not worthy to loosen the thongs of his sandals.
He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.”

After all the people had been baptized
and Jesus also had been baptized and was praying,
heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended upon him
in bodily form like a dove.
And a voice came from heaven,
“You are my beloved Son;
with you I am well pleased.”




Reflection


On the day of our Baptism, we were baptized "with the Holy Spirit and fire," as today's Gospel reminds us. These words evoke two thoughts in my humble mind. One is that we are continually reminded of that fire by the daily sufferings and purifications we all endure, some minor and some more tragic, all continually designed to remove sin from our spotted souls. The other is that if we were truly baptized with such powerful elements, how can we live each day with an awareness of these strengths in our souls?

In a new year, we are all optimistic. This is a gift of renewal for which I am grateful. We hope for a year of grace, a year filled with blessings and joyful memories. Nevertheless, we will encounter pain. There will be struggles, all designed to return our souls to their state on the day of our Baptism. Are we preparing for these? Are we hoping for these? Many of the saints asked the Lord to bless them with whatever suffering would best lead them to Him. Maybe the challenges of this year will be large or small, but I feel called to assure God that I will accept whatever He wills for the salvation of my soul. Will you join me in this difficult prayer?

The Holy Spirit has been described as a rushing wind or a raging fire. These are images that challenge me to examine the zeal in my heart for my faith and for my God and frown that I do not call upon His power more regularly. I am guessing I am not alone in the fact that my daily duties often control my thoughts to the unfortunate exclusion of doing them with the proper attitude and reflection on what should be driving my every word and action. When I am worthless and weak and even when I am on solid footing, I pledge to call upon this inner power and beg the Holy Spirit to lead me with every thought and deed.

Jesus Christ humbled himself to be baptized by John to demonstrate to us the importance of this sacrament. There is power in the grace we receive at Baptism, enough power that the skies can open, and God can declare, "You are my beloved Son[Daughter]; with you I am well pleased." I want that. Don't you?

Twelfth Night

It is the Twelfth Day of Christmas! I pray your holidays have been full of great joy and many graces (and not too many drummers drumming). Reality and routine are so hard for me (especially after a break), and I have been tempted to pull out my Shakespeare and read Twelfth Night all day! Shakespeare scrumptiously entertains me with this one!

(If you want to join me in reading some of the play, you can download an eBook version for free here in English, Finnish, or Catalan! You could read the children's version to your littles, which is available here. Or, you can download the complete audio play to your computer or mp3 for free here. Maybe I'll have to add the movie to my Netflix cue, too!)

Sorry for the Shakespearean divergence. Where was I? Without telling you, I took a blogging break for these twelve days, but I am itching to write again. So, I thought I would tell you what is coming up here in the next few weeks at Heart of a Mother. Here are the posts I am drafting...

My Word for 2010

(jumping on that blogging bandwagon)

Sunday Gospel Reflections

(will be back weekly)

My Journey in 2009

(including a little announcement)

Little Flowers Joy

(from our December meeting)

Prayer Pages

(inspired by a friend)

Encouragement for Grey Days

(specifically for homeschooling moms)

Young Girls' Book List

(for those advanced but innocent readers)

How to Take a Snow Day for Homeschoolers

(even if you don't get snow)

What else do you need to hear in the next few weeks or months? I know you read me (because I have one of those nifty blog counter services), but I rarely hear from any of you. I am not interested in making this blog a chatty place (more on why later), but I am always hoping to hear what you like and don't like about what you read!

May this blog be a space of comfort and inspiration to all of us on our spiritual journeys this year!

O God

Who on this day

through the guidance of a star

didst manifest

Thine Only-Begotten Son to the Gentiles;

mercifully grant

that we who know Thee now by faith,

may one day be brought

to the contemplation of the beauty of Thy majesty.

Through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.

Benedictine Monastic Diurnal