Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Seeing Things Differently
Everything looks different through the lenses of this new place I mentioned yesterday.
While friends IRL and on FB are endlessly discussing presidential elections and politics, I am stepping away from that chaos. I do care who wins the election, but I cannot expend too much energy there now. When various friends and acquaintances share dramatic situations of their own, I find myself pulling back a bit, listening perhaps, but not diving in. Our current reality is that my husband and children need me and my mind here in this present moment, not thinking about others as much.
My husband's civilian job requires unpredictable hours. I do not always know when he will be home in the evening, and my orderliness often sticks to our dinner, bath, prayer, bedtime routines whether he is here or not. But if there's a chance he'll be home, I find myself tweaking the plan to make room for him now. We are consulting on things more than before and trying not to go our separate parallel ways, as we sometimes do, to maximize our time together.
I have canceled attending a homeschooling conference this week that I had been looking forward to for months. As I reviewed the schedule of talks this weekend, I realized I am no longer excited about attending. A dear friend helped to name the cause of my ambivalence. When I told her I am sure if I still go I will hear inspiring ideas and much food for thought, she finished the thought I couldn't articulate - "none of which you will be able to process, right now." Yes. That.
The physical health of my family, including myself, seems more pressing now than it did a few weeks ago. I know I can personally handle stress best when I am regularly eating well, sleeping enough, exercising even just a little bit, and enjoying our marital embrace. So I know my children and husband need this, as well, and will need these things in the coming year. Besides, it's easier to blink back the tears when I'm well rested.
Basically, the entire paradigm in my mind of what this spring, summer, and next school year will look like has shifted. I am mentally preparing to ask for and accept the help from friends and family that I know I will need. Asking for help is for the weak! But, not really. Accepting help is giving another person a chance to serve, and that's a strong thing. Part of me thinks I will need to simplify some aspects of our already very simple life, but the other part realizes I can't simplify much more because we will need added distractions when missing Dad.
So, for today, I am respecting and accepting this great dignity in supporting my husband as he serves our beloved country. I fell in love with and married a man who holds service to the United States of America as a core priority in his life, because he values the privileges of our freedom. I am grateful for the many men and women who currently serve and have served this great nation, and I honestly believe patriotism is a virtue, despite the chaos of our current government. I suppose homeschooling this year will include tremendous and irreplaceable lessons in all these things.
Thank you for your continued prayers.