This debate roams the Internet on a daily basis. How much time do we invest in online relationships versus how much time do we pour into our IRL friends and family? For homeschooling mothers, it really is a delicate balance, because we are, in many ways, isolated from the opportunities most other women have to nourish friendships. And it’s one of the reasons I am intimidated to intentionally create community here on this oft-neglected blog.
We all need friends. Period. The end. If you say you don’t
need friendships, you are wrong. Our husband should be our first and best
friend, but since as women we were created with different gifts than men, women
need women. Girls need girls. A man can do his best to try to understand our
thoughts and emotions, but ladies, they just aren’t built the same way. It’s
important to remember that Christians are not meant to live in an
inward-focused isolation. Our Catholic Church is an invitation to live in
Christian community with one another, in service and in love. How do we do that
when we are at home most of the time
in order to homeschool?
This generation has a tremendous gift in the web and social
media. We can make and nourish online friendships in a variety of forums from
blogs to Facebook, from Twitter to hangouts, from email to Instagram. Online
relationships can be convenient for busy mothers, because conversations usually
happen outside of set time frames. You often don’t have to be in the same place
at the same time to enjoy one another’s company. I also find that online
friendships work for both extroverts and introverts, because you decide how
much you talk and there is a layer of protection between a shy individual and
her keyboard.
But we still need the flesh and blood interactions, too. A
hug from another woman, a smile, even a raised eyebrow and a snarky chuckle are
essential to our humanity. IRL friendships with faraway friends are often
inevitably converted into online relationships. I propose we need to be more
intentional about nourishing our nearby IRL friendships and maybe step out on a
limb to make new friends or deepen existing friendships in order to grow in
humility and holiness.
Years ago, most families didn’t move from state to state,
following jobs and dreams, over and over. Consequently, we often don’t have
those tight-knit life-long friendships or nearby extended family that our
grandparents enjoyed. The internet allows us to keep in touch with IRL friends
from far away and to find friends who share the same values and mesh with our
lifestyle even if they live far away.
A skill we might be losing, though, is how to make friends
with just about anyone. If we are only making friends with people like us,
which I have deliberately chosen to do in certain seasons of my motherhood, we
cannot truly be open to the prompts of the Holy Spirit to influence change in
our lives or to be an instrument of change in the lives of others. Stepping out
of our comfort zone at the park with moms who are “strangers” or joining a new
group to meet new women can give us that shot in the arm we need.
I also believe that online interactions can be key to
filling our emotional tanks as homeschooling mothers. We need a sense of
community that, perhaps, men don’t need as much as we do, and it’s very hard to
find the time to meet with local friends with nursing babies, teenagers in
transition, math lessons, soccer practices, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and
everything else. It’s hard enough to find time for the occasional date night with
our husbands. Being online can mean the difference between surviving and
thriving in this 24-7-365 vocation we have chosen!
Still, I also believe we need to nourish those friendships
we have with women nearby, even the ones that seem to take more work than we
are willing to give. We were created with a need for one another. Couldn’t you
use a real human hug more often than not? To ignore that desire, is to ignore
how God created us.
Saint John Paul II said both, “The feminine foundation is
relational and other-focused,” and “Friendship, as has been said, consists in a
full commitment of the will to another person with a view to that person’s
good.” Surely, it is putting our femininity to good use by developing friendships
and nurturing other women both online and in real live.
How can you reach out today to a friend IRL? Can you call or text her? Stop by with a plate of cookies or flowers from your yard just to say hello?
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