Heart of a Mother

Saint Catherine, Pray for Us

2012-01-28T06:55:00.000-05:00

I cannot count the number of friends who have shared their sorrowful miscarriages with me over the past week. It was truly shocking. This prayer is for all of us (thanks to a dear friend who gave it to me) and speaks almost perfectly for me. Miscarriage can be a silent suffering, but it should not be. A baby died, and the pain will stay with us forever. We mourn, but we are not alone.

prayer card available here

Dear Saint Catherine, patron of those who have suffered a miscarriage, you know the dangers that await unborn infants.

Please intercede for me that I may receive healing from the loss I have suffered. My soul has been deprived of peace and I have forgotten what true happiness is. As I mourn the loss of my child, I place myself in the hands of God and ask for strength to accept His will in all things, for consolation in my grief, and for peace in my sorrow.

Glorious Saint Catherine, hear my prayers and ask that God, in good time, grant me a healthy baby who will become a true child of God.

Amen.

Blessings,

Six Babies

2012-01-27T10:38:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl. They fell in love, got married, and wanted to start their family. They wanted a “big family,” five or six children (not to be confused with a “big Catholic family,” which is more like nine or ten children, LOL!). The girl knew she had some reproductive issues and waited for them to resolve once stopping “the pill,” as her doctors said they would. After all, she took “the pill” at their advice to solve the irregularities, but rather than solve them, it merely covered the symptoms.

When the problems continued, she sought help from no fewer than five different doctors, and the varied responses they got drove the boy and the girl crazy. “Why not wait and see if you grow out of it?” “You’ll never have children.” “I don’t know what’s wrong, but take this medication and let’s see if anything changes.”

Finally, through the gift of Natural Family Planning, they found a solution and travelled hundreds of miles from Texas to Nebraska to a trusted physician for surgery. A year later they were blessed with a tiny baby who was born nine months later (despite trying to come early during a move from Michigan to Texas) a healthy little girl. When her body was ready, the same physician advised the girl on ways to maintain fertility, and they began TTC again.

Becoming weary of the expense and medications, here and there they would take months “off,” and one of those months one spring they conceived a little soul and lost him before a test could confirm he was there. Since a doctor didn’t confirm the pregnancy, it was almost as if the miscarriage hadn’t happened, but the boy and the girl ached.

After a long summer of wondering God’s will, they conceived a third baby who was born nine months later, a delightful baby boy. Upon moving back to Michigan from Texas, the comments in the store ranged from, “You have your boy and your girl now!” to “You have one of each, so you’re all done.” And, their hearts ached for another tiny soul.

Again, on and off with the medications and blood tests and nothing for many years. The girl, now a mommy, one summer allowed God to finally give her peace, whether she was able to cradle another newborn or not.

They conceived at the end of that summer. What a miracle! What a lesson! Relax. God’s timing, not ours. However, that baby was called home to Heaven one short week after the positive pregnancy test. Devastating. Depressing. Incomprehensible. She was precious and now awaits us in Heaven.

Determined to praise God no matter what, the boy, now a daddy, and the mommy mourned their loss and hugged “the big kids” a few more times a day and that very next month conceived again. Overjoyed. Humbled. Incomprehensible.

How they were anxious! Thankfully, nine months later another baby boy was born, and the family of five moved from Florida to Texas (are you seeing a pattern here?). Every moment of this little one’s life is treasured, as he might be the last baby. The mommy and the daddy both truly enjoy each milestone together for the first time. (Daddy worked nights during the baby girl’s first year and was in law school for baby boy’s first three.)

Yet, a few weeks ago, the mommy wondered. Could it be true? As a nursing mama, things were unpredictable, but three dollars would clear up any doubt. She fully expected the test to be negative. It wasn’t. Really? Another? Oh, yes! We are hoping to build a house this year. We must continue the moving + baby pattern.

How exciting! God is really going to let us have another baby? Oh my! What a gift! Two in diapers? We haven’t yet had that privilege. The mommy imagined the tiny fingers and toes with delicate pink skin. The daddy searched for floor plans with one more bedroom. The “big kids” danced and sang – “we’re having a baby!” over and over!

But, God’s will is incomprehensible. We lost that baby last week. He was our sixth child, and he now awaits us in Heaven with two siblings. Six babies. Our big family.

The mommy and daddy are sad. The “big kids” were sad but are already praying for another baby. They all know that these three little saints are praying for us. And life goes on, but the hurt is real. God’s will is unknown, but they trust Him anyway.

And in moments of exhaustion, I ask: Is this mother’s heart strong enough to endure this pain?

but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Blessings,

What on earth is He up to?

2012-01-21T23:54:00.000-05:00

reposting this amazing quote Elizabeth pointed out on Jen's blog, just wow...

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself." ~ C.S. Lewis - Mere Christianity

Blessings,

Tim Tebow's Fire!

2012-01-12T14:23:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the goofy way videos are embedding here. I'll figure it out eventually!

But I just cannot get over this...

"British musician John Parr re-recorded his smash-hit "St. Elmo's Fire," to pay homage to the young star."

What a blessing to have such a role model for our boys!

Blessings,

If You Love Books Like Me...

2012-01-10T14:31:00.000-05:00

not only will you enjoy this video, you will envy the creator who spent hours upon hours making it happen!

HT Marcel

But, of course, I completely agree with Jennifer and cannot wait to finally get a Kindle (basic version)!

Blessings,

Only Three Came...But They Came

2012-01-09T16:14:00.000-05:00

Our homily at Mass yesterday, Feast of the Epiphany, was wonderful! Father kept reminding us that only three wise men saw the star and had enough wisdom and prudence to follow it to Bethlehem. Surely others saw the star in the sky, but only these three had enough perseverance to figure out what it meant. They were THE three wise men! Well, not quite.

As Marcel points out, actually following the star led them to evil Herod. They were experts in astrology, which today has evolved into horoscopes and other maladies. It was only when the scribes recited Scripture that the wise men knew they were to go to Bethlehem to find the newborn king!

And, Matt hysterically reminds us that their visit to evil Herod actually caused the massacre of the Holy Innocents, and it took an angel's visit for them not to go back and report on the newborn king's exact location. Their wisdom was clearly in heeding the angel's caution.

But seriously, we honor these men, for one simple act. They bowed down and worshipped the Baby Jesus. They did not entirely understand who He was or what He was going to do, but they recognized His royalty. It is a daily reminder to us to bow down and worship, to submit ourselves to the authority of Christ the King, even when we are completely bewildered by Him and/or His plans for our lives.

Do you have the wisdom to spend 10 minutes a day with Jesus?

Blessings,

Women of Inspiration

2012-01-06T17:55:00.000-05:00

Today was our monthly Catholic homeschooling group's First Friday Mass and lunch. I was completely overcome in Mass this morning by being surrounded by such awesome women and their families! Truly, it was humbling and inspiring to look from face to face and see the faith and devotion these ladies have. In my experience, Catholic homeschooling mothers are some of the most beautiful images of God I have ever seen.

While I know personally only about half of the families there, I know I could ask any one of them to pray for me or help me in some need, and they would provide in abundance. I know that they are all watching out for my children in the lunch hall and on the playground when my two eyes cannot catch all three little ones, because every one of them treasures every child as a miraculous gift from God. I know these women are the friends who will pray me to holiness, as we walk together in this vocation, teaching our children and leading them to Him.

And, amazingly, whether a large group or a small group, I have found such women in all three states in which we have homeschooled (Michigan, Florida, and Texas). The Body of Christ surrounds us, and to be together with like minded women who have similar days and nights helps me walk this walk better than anything I can do with my own power. With them and trust in God, I am confident I can not only survive this lifestyle but thrive amidst the gifts that are my children and the opportunity to teach them at home.

So, ladies, near and far, thank you for walking with me. Thank you for surrounding me with joy and love and peace and faith. Just your presence is enough to lift me up, whether I need lifting or not!

Do you know the women of whom I speak? Where can you find them in your town?

Blessings,

This Job Is Hard

2012-01-06T11:03:00.000-05:00

Falling into the couch the other night after a long day, my husband says to me, "This is hard work!" He was referring to the complex task of raising three children that day. His simple comment stuck with me, as I realized I needed to be reminded of this fact.

So, here is your reminder, Friend. This job is hard. Motherhood. Homeschooling. They are not easy tasks, and we should not keep hoping for the day when it will get easier. Don't get me wrong. It does get easier. Different seasons of life result in different levels of difficulty. But, in the grand scheme of things, this job is hard. It is hard, because it is important.

Physically, by the end of the day (or the middle of the day) you want to fall to the ground and surrender. Of course, this may not apply if you are under the age of 30! You may ache from pregnancy, ache from a night with a toddler flopping all over you as he slept, ache from running to rescue dare devil children from certain injury, ache from rocking an infant for hours, ache from keeping up with children at a park or zoo, ache from standing all day long (the last time you sat was to go to the restroom, and that was yesterday), or other similar feats.

Then, there are the worries. Are they eating enough? Sleeping enough? Are they behind in math? Ahead in spelling? Do they know Jesus? Will they keep the faith? Who are their friends? Are they healthy? How do I keep them safe? Do they have kind hearts? Will they get to Heaven? These and more spin in our heads, as we try to do what's best for our babies. A mother's worries never end...unless she finds the peace in giving it all to God.

The heart of a mother is stretched like her bulging belly during pregnancy. We are forced to love harder than we ever thought possible, which makes loss that much more painful. Someday our children will "leave the nest." Even though my oldest is only nine, I am starting to see evidence that she will one day walk away from me and have "her own life." The years of my influence are waning, and so I feel called to love her ever more each day. I work harder to help her grow into the strong, delightful young lady I know God has created her to be. But, this mother's heart knows I am not in control. God will lead her. I just have to keep trying to steer her back towards Him over and over again.

To raise virtuous children, I must grow in virtue. I must control my reactions. I must never let my guard down. It is exhausting, as it should be. We are called to give our all to God to fulfill His will for us. His will for me is to raise these babies and give them back to Him, so if I do not give every ounce of myself every day to glorifying Him in this vocation, I fail. It is okay to be tired. I must acknowledge that I am working hard.

Note: I do not mean that if your sanity is compromised by your exhaustion, that is excusable. Sometimes we truly do need a helping hand, whether from another person or by giving ourselves a break and/or cutting something on our to-do list. I am speaking here about the general day-to-day weariness that comes from loving until it hurts but still knowing in your mother's heart that you can do it all over again tomorrow.

For God has designed motherhood. Our model of motherhood, the Blessed Virgin Mary, had the most difficult motherhood of any. She saw her son ridiculed and crucified, knowing that He was the Son of God. What a painful way to let go of your only child! In Mary's strength, we can find strength for this job. We can endure its struggles and be renewed in mind and spirit to carry on with a loving, gentle, mother's heart.

How do you cope with exhausting days? Have you found ways to stay consistent despite the weariness?

Blessings,

A New Year's Gift

2012-01-05T09:00:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year’s! I received a gift from Jesus on Sunday, and I want to share it with you.
We had a wonderful Christmas, enjoying intimate family time here at home before I took the children to visit the grandparents while Daddy went back to work. The time visiting was hectic but so blessed by love and laughter! Coming home was a great shock to my system, as my husband quickly noticed I needed a vacation from my vacation.

In fact, for a couple of days, all of the things I needed to accomplish before the new week could begin were swimming in circles in my head, not unlike those sugarplums dancing just a week prior. I thought about them, complained to myself how much there was to do, and did... Absolutely.Nothing!
I was overwhelmed, much like a deer in headlights, a character trait of mine I often lament. There was conference work to be done, homeschooling plans to make, bills to pay, laundry to do, email to answer, and football to watch. It was simply inconceivable to me how I survive on a daily basis with so many responsibilities.
Confession. I did not do absolutely nothing. I watched football, drank Shiner, and napped for a couple of days. And I did a few loads of laundry, so we all had clean necessities.
Then, it was Sunday. Sunday, of course, is a gift in and of itself, but all I could see was Mass, more football, more Shiner, and more napping! Hooray! The rest was way too much to face. If I ignored it, would it all go away?
As these thoughts were swimming in my head, I walked into Mass somewhere just before communion.
Explanation. Unfortunately, my youngest child has not yet mastered a good night’s sleep, and so if he falls asleep during the thirty-minute drive to Sunday Mass, we let him sleep. The alternative is waking him up, which results in a grumpy boy who will not stay quiet or still in Mass anyway and must be taken out.

Anyway, I say my Rosary in the van and try to pray while waiting for him to wake up. Usually, I get to hear at least half of the homily, because he naps about 45 minutes total. On the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God, however, he slept longer. So, we walk in, stay at the back, and I try to enter into worship for the last few minutes of Mass.
I try to shed all the moaning I just did in the van, telling God I just have no motivation to get started on any of the daunting tasks in front of me in the days to come. Jesus, please help me, I beg. With that slight opening of my heart, He enters. An angelic voice from the choir begins singing the Ave, and it hits me.
None of my concerns have anything to do with this.
I am before God Almighty working out my salvation, and nothing else is nearly as important.
At all.
This gift, this realization, gave me new life. It was just a moment, but on my knees, snuggling a still groggy toddler, gazing upon His Body and Blood in the Eucharist, I knew I could do it all for Him. I could do it all with Jesus.
That night, after a day of naps, Shiner, and football (and some giggly family time), I made a to-do list, and I dove in head first. A few days later, I have still not made a sizable dent in that list, but these tasks will not defeat me. One thing at a time, He will see me through.
Is your list too long? How do you maintain the proper perspective while dealing with the day to day? Jesus, I trust in You!

Blessings,

Already a Word...the Word for 2012!

2011-12-27T09:46:00.010-05:00

I can hardly believe it, as lately I have been unable to make decisions or proper plans in advance. In fact, it has been a theme for 2011 for me. It took me all of January to settle on my word for 2011.

Nevertheless, I have chosen a word for 2012, or rather, He chose me.

Jesus

It hit me during Christmas Mass that this is the Word I need for myself and for my family. He needs to be more present in our minds and our actions, especially mine, and I want to call upon Him name more often and worship His name more fervently.

My youngest, 18 months, can say maybe two dozen words. Jesus is one of his favorites, as he shouts His Name upon seeing a crucifix or nativity scene! I am so excited to see how God can lead me closer to His Son in the new year, especially through my sweet children.

What ideas do you have for making Jesus more present during our daily, busy lives? Thank you for your suggestions!

Blessings,

Play Imitates Life

2011-12-26T10:52:00.002-05:00

We are taking a holiday break from school, so what do the children do? They play school! My two oldest are covering a variety of subjects when I hear my daughter (9 yo) collecting little "Johnny's" paper (6 yo) and say, "Wow, Johnny! This is really good. Your handwriting is nice. I like the story. Your spelling is...well...(pauses, searching for the right word)...interesting."

Do I say that? ;) LOL!

Blessings,

Mom Achievement Award - MH

2011-12-26T10:10:00.003-05:00

These awards were conceived after my husband received an achievement award at work, I shared my pride with my best friend, and she responded by emailing me the first Mom Achievement Award.

We are mothers. We do not see recognition for changing diapers, washing laundry, or mopping floors. Our achievements, such as getting dinner on the table and settling a dispute between irate siblings, are significant only to our immediate family. But, they are still significant.

Yes, God has called us to this vocation. It is impossible to have children without His hand, and He has sent us the perfect number, ages, genders, and personalities to bring out the best in ourselves. Of course, that means many, many character building days, as He chisels away our undesirable attributes and leads us to holiness. The only reward we truly seek is our eternal reward.

So, my dear friend, as publicly as I can, I want to recognize you for your achievements as a mother. For even if no one else sees your hard work and dedication, God sees, and I know from being your friend, that He is pleased.

MH, I hereby declare that your loving sensitivity to the needs of your children has been noticed. You never fail in seeking what is best for each one of their minds, bodies, and souls, and that is to be applauded. And, of course, your unconditional love for your children, demonstrated by the continual pesronal sacrifices you make on their behalf, is officially recognized in this declaration. May our Lord bless your family and your vocation as a mother!

Blessings,

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T08:07:00.016-05:00

As some of you figured out and some of you were recently informed by email, I have begun blogging again. This month's posts have been very random. Some are good (imho), but some are not. I have not been following the blogger's rule of including pictures with every post. Perhaps I will get there soon. I simply wanted to begin sharing my mother's heart again with you all.

If you have never been here before, I write about whatever is on my heart, from football to suffering, but mostly about my vocation as a Catholic wife and homeschooling mother. Please consider following me by email or in your reader. You can find links on the right to sign up. ------------->

I cannot promise you will always find something meaningful to you or specifically helpful here, but I am a firm believer that God calls us to certain things even if only for the benefit of one person. He has blessed me with a love for words and (some say) a gift for writing, so it is my hope...

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.

~ Emily Dickinson

Thank you for visiting me here, and may your Christmas Season be blessed with joyful celebration for the Incarnation and quiet adoration of the tiny Baby Jesus.

Blessings,

Asking for God's Will

2011-12-22T23:25:00.000-05:00

Lately, I am having difficulty being specific with my prayers. I know the Lord wants to hear my needs and the cries of my heart, but it all sounds so selfish when I ask Him for what I think I need. Really, I have no idea what will best lead me to holiness, lead me to Him. Only He knows.

I can ask for healing for a friend's mother if it be His will, but I fail to ask God to help me not to yell and to help my sweet son sleep through the night. I am pretty sure I over analyze my requests. Part of me feels the yelling is up to me to stop, but, of course, I can do nothing without Christ, which is probably why I still holler orders across the house at my children! What if, right now, lack of sleep will lead me to holiness faster than a good night's sleep? It certainly gives me more opportunity to choose virtue in challenging situations (not that I choose it more often, just that the opportunity is there).

I am also constantly working on being grateful for my many blessings and content in the present moment. So, to pray for things to be different seems somehow to contradict this goal in my feeble mind. Yet, I cannot deny that being content with my own faults is contrary to unity with God. Being grateful for gifts and sufferings while asking for aid in overcoming faults and sufferings surely is a balanced prayer life.

Often I do not feel I know how to pray anymore, knowing that God knows what is best for me. My favorite prayer of late is simply repeating, "Jesus, I trust in you." He knows my heart; he knows me better than I know myself and knows what will lead each one of us to our salvation. I let Him lead.

But, I also must follow. I cannot sit idly by expecting Him to drag me along. That is the temptation, I think, of nonspecific prayer. Instead of decidedly walking in Christ's path, I wander aimlessly around, expecting to be guided as a blind woman. I am blind if I cannot see the way to Christ.

He cherishes each one of us and rejoices when we give Him our hearts, not one time, but daily over and over, exposing the vulnerability in making requests for what will delight us. True, He knows what is in our hearts, but the action of supplication unites us more closely to Him. For even Jesus asked Our Heavenly Father to let the cup pass from Him.

Is it as simple as ending each prayer with "thy will be done?" Perhaps. I believe it is more, though, about the disposition of our hearts. I simply am not at peace asking God for little things when there is so much need in this world. Obviously, He is asking me to grow in this way.

Lord, please help me to muster the courage within me to ask you for the desires of my heart. Just as I teach my children to make wish lists for their birthdays and Christmas without expecting to receive everything (or anything) on these lists, send your Holy Spirit to move my tongue to tell you my wishes. Even though you already know the list, I want to offer you the act of love of sharing it with you. I want to love you more!

Have you learned to make requests of God without feeling like you are rattling off a shopping list? If so, please share your wisdom!

Blessings,

His Will Be Done in Everything

2011-12-21T15:56:00.000-05:00

Speaking this week of God’s will, I am beside myself with excitement about the San Antonio Catholic Homeschooling Conference I am co-chairing this May! We hope this conference will be the “First Annual” and will start official publicity soon. So, this little post is unofficial publicity.

The whole thing started with a casual conversation. My co-chair and I were just acquaintances, and a small group of moms was chatting at our Catholic homeschooling co-op about the upcoming conference season. We all agreed there really should be a conference in San Antonio, as there are ones in Dallas, Houston, and Austin. The only question remained who would initiate such an undertaking?

Well, the conversation just kept going from there, and we agreed to pray about taking on the project. In fact, we very specifically agreed to pray that God’s will be done. We were (and continue to be) confident from the beginning that the Lord will lead us if we trust in Him.

Through prayer, we both felt that the timing was right, and after discussing it with our families, decided to begin researching how to put on a Catholic homeschooling conference. We put out a survey to as many local Catholic homeschoolers as we could to ask them if they would support a conference and to share ideas for our planning. The response was very positive with over 80 individuals saying they would like to attend!

Pretty soon, the Lord inspired a friend to mention the idea to a friend who mentioned she had just spoken with the principal of a local Catholic high school who was interested in collaborating in some way with homeschoolers. Still believing that God would open doors if we were on the right track, I contacted the principal who promptly offered us the entire school for free any weekend of our choosing for our conference. This was an absolute confirmation to us to proceed, and so we chose a date and began to assemble a leadership team.

Those who responded to the survey were asked if they would like to be on the leadership team, and so our team began with a few of our friends and some remarkable new friends, all very talented, motivated, and devoted to the vision and success of the conference. In fact, as we continued to pray for God’s will, each person that stepped forward to join our team perfectly filled a needed role from website design to hospitality needs.

Soon we had chairs for the vendor, speaker, and registration committees and a volunteer to chair a fundraising committee, which we had originally not planned to have. We had additional volunteers serving with these chairs and only lacked chairs for the publicity and hospitality committees.

Meanwhile, my love of books urged me to put together a used Catholic homeschooling curriculum sale to benefit the conference and give us a little seed money. It was a remarkable sale where many families donated books for us to sell and others allowed us to keep a commission of their books that sold. Once the sale was over, I posted the unsold donated books online, and in the end, we made almost $1000 to benefit the conference. Another confirmation we were on the right track!

At this point, we felt it prudent to seek approval from the archdiocese, given that we are a Catholic organization operating within the archdiocese. Again, our entire team prayed fervently for God’s will. Although the prospect of the meeting was intimidating, we had a very fruitful discussion with a Bishop, and he approved our plans, promising to share them with the Archbishop and wishing to continue our relationship.

With a still very limited budget our first year, we knew we would have to invite almost exclusively local speakers or those willing to waive their speaker fees. Another casual conversation among mothers at co-op about this limitation resulted in one mom stepping forward and offering to donate the speaker fee if we could get someone really well known. She invited us to dream big and within a few weeks we had confirmed Dr. Ray Guarendi to be our keynote speaker thanks to her anonymous generosity!

God continues to surprise us as we move forward. We have one family donating hotel rooms for speakers and two other families donating frequent flier miles to fly in speakers. A couple stepped forward to chair our publicity committee, and a dear friend accepted our invitation to chair our hospitality committee. Our meetings are always professional, and our team has been outstanding in completing the tasks assigned. We recently gained the support of a holy young priest to say our closing Mass and give an inspiring talk. We have been truly, remarkably blessed!

I share this lengthy story to point out that even in such practical matters, if we continually seek God’s will and give Him our fiat, He will provide. When we officially announce the conference, I will be sure to post it here! Please pray for our efforts and pray that God’s will be done! Our primary goal is to glorify Him.

Blessings,

Fiat

2011-12-20T23:56:00.000-05:00

Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord.
May it be done to me according to your word."
Then the angel departed from her. (Luke 1: 38)

How are you preparing for Christmas this last week? Is it hectic baking, shopping, preparing for guests? Take a few minutes with me and think of Mary.

I only caught bits and pieces of our beloved priest's homily on the above Scripture this past Sunday, but one comment has truly stuck with me. He was speaking to a gathering of young adults, most specifically, about choosing a vocation. I presume most of my readers have already committed themselves to a vocation, but the spiritual advice he offered can be applicable to us all at some point.

Father invited us to think of the greatest desire of our heart and then to think of the opposite thing. He asked if we are prepared to give our true Fiat to God as Mary did by saying yes to the opposite of our heart's desire. Yes is easy when it is something we approach with confidence after much discernment, but God asks for our Fiat even in uncertainty and doubt.

There have been two distinct times in my life when I have struggled to give my Fiat but been rewarded miraculously for my doubtful yes. When I was nearing the end of my senior year in college, I felt with confidence the Lord was asking me to discern seriously a call to religious life. I felt drawn closer and closer to the vocation and further and further from marriage. But, then, I went on a Nun Run and was challenged to see the vocation of marriage in a different way. The Lord was asking me if I was open to the opposite of what I desired at that time. (I keep thinking I have written a post on this story already, but I cannot find it to link. I guess I need to write it!)

He continued to require my unconditional Fiat as he introduced me to the idea of dating a young man I barely knew, which led to discussing marriage with him less than a month later, getting engaged after only three months of dating (we actually met with our pastor after two months to discuss marriage preparation), and marrying a year later (based on our pastor's advice to do so). It was a crazy time, but once I was open to both vocations with all of my heart, the Lord led me to His will for my life, my beloved husband.

Only two short years ago, I had a very early miscarriage. It was after three frustrating years of trying to conceive and was heartbreaking. Through it all, I just felt called to accept God's will. If that meant the desire of my heart to have more children would never be fulfilled, I would praise Him. No matter what. It was a different kind of Fiat, but again, the Lord blessed. A month after we lost Anna, incredulously, we conceived our sweet little boy, who is now 18 months old!

The power of complete surrender to God's will cannot be underestimated. Giving ourselves to Him utterly and completely, knowing that His will is better than anything we could ever imagine is essential to progress in the spiritual life. Ponder this these last few days in preparation for Christmas, just as Mary did. Ultimately what God asked of her is more challenging than anything we will ever face. May Our Blessed Mother pray for us and lead us to her Son by the holy example of her Yes!

Blessings,

True Confessions

2011-12-19T15:18:00.003-05:00

One of the greatest lessons this recovering-perfectionist has learned since becoming a mother is to cut myself some slack. Have you learned that yet? It is a work in progress over here, but I think I am doing pretty well. If you know me, and you doubt me, I will post photos to prove it! (once my Internet cooperates!)

Last week, my husband was out of town, and I night-weaned my little guy (well, I use past tense, but...). I barely cleaned. I napped daily. We ate off of paper plates at every meal. "Meal" is a term I use loosely, since my children are happy with cheese and crackers or deli turkey rolled in tortillas most days. Dishes sat in the sink for a couple of days; I did manage to rinse them most days. There was a pile of clean laundry on my living room floor all week (see photo proof), but I was at least getting things washed! We sorted through it when we wanted to find something.

Our schoolwork was light; just the basics got done. We are technically behind, but I figured out a way to rearrange my school calendar that just has us finishing up a few things before Christmas. I had planned very few outings and invited a few people over for various meals (some of which got cancelled when I thought my daughter was coming down with the flu). And, worst of all, I did not shower every day. Two of the times I did shower, I had to scurry out, barely rinsed and dripping wet, to fetch the baby who had woken up at that very moment.

As a new mom, nine years ago, this would have horrified me. I am orderly. I am organized. I do not like cleaning and laundry, but I cannot stand a messy house. But, you know what? I love my kids and know that mommy's sanity requires cutting myself some slack when I am tired and playing single mom for a week!

Are you a recovering-perfectionist who has learned to cut yourself some slack? Or are you one to naturally let things go and struggling to create order?

Blessings,

Everything Changes

2011-12-15T10:06:00.005-05:00

except the talent of Marie Bellet! I purchased her newest CD as a birthday present for myself. What a wealth of wisdom for Catholic mothers.

If you are not familiar with her music, Marie Bellet is a Catholic mom of nine who lives in Nashville and writes her own music about being a mother and a wife. I am an addict. I have been to two concerts and own all four CDs. Her songs keenly share the joys and struggles of our vocation.

Her latest, titled Everything Changes, includes "This House Is the Place to Be" which ends with:

On the glider, on the front stoop with my tension tamer tea

and the very next song, the title track, begins with:

Whenever I think that I know what I'm doing, everything changes

But my very favorite words come in "How Do I Look to You?":

No I'm not qualified for my own life
Much less a mother and a wife
They all need more than I can give

It's all wonderful. Check out her music! Be inspired!

(I get nothing for my thoughts here from Marie Bellet, Elm Street Records, or any other entity or person)

Blessings,

The Birthday Post Part 3

2011-12-14T12:53:00.007-05:00

I began this list Monday...continued it yesterday...

And, so, for my 35^th birthday, I rejoice in these 35 gifts from a generous God. My cup overflows.

BCS Homeschoolers ~ The C & K families let me visit their homeschools and showed me how possible homeschooling is!

AA Friends ~ While my husband was in law school, I relied on my fellow “law school widows” to get by. Their friendships, and others I found, were a source of support and inspiration during a time that greatly tested my faith and my marriage. Thanks especially to AD, KA, CP, CK, and latecomer LM!

M Friends ~ Friends in another city helped me get through two of the darkest times in my personal and spiritual life. These are true friends who stick by you no matter what. Thanks CO, MP, TR, CB, and others!

SA Friends ~ It was so easy to make friends here! I am blessed to be surrounded by positive, faith-filled women devoted to their families. Thank you for welcoming us with open arms!

Holy Priests ~ The Body of Christ is amazing. In addition to always providing dear friends for me, every new city included the discovery of remarkable, holy priests to guide our family. Praise be to Jesus for the vocations of Frs. MS, DK, KG, JV, GG, OH, CM, JM and MoJ!

My Organizational & Leadership Skills ~ These things come naturally to me, and they have opened up so many wonderful opportunities to work and serve in my life. It is through such experiences I have encountered wonderful friends and mentors.

My Health & That of My Family’s ~ With the exception of my father’s miraculous perseverance through heart disease, everyone in my family has been remarkably healthy without serious health issues.

Books ~ I truly enjoy good books. There is nothing better than these fonts of knowledge and inspiration. Whether fiction or nonfiction, I truly savor the opportunity to dive into a good book.

Internet ~ The world wide web is certainly not without its challenges to virtuous living, but I love having information at my fingertips! I enjoy the opportunity to answer my children’s difficult questions (and my own) and connect with friends around the country.

Chocolate ~ God is good. All the time!

the Eucharist ~ Eucharisteo = Thanksgiving. I cannot imagine a gift more substantial than the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ available to us every day. The Real Presence of Our Lord in the Eucharist has been a font of grace in my life, and I simply would not be who I am without it.

My prayer for the next howevermanyyears echoes Ann’s:

I speak it to God: I don’t really want more time; I just want enough time. Time to breathe deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory and rest deep and sign joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done – yesterday…I just want time to do my one life well.

That is my birthday wish.

Blessings,

The Birthday Post Part 2

2011-12-13T14:11:00.000-05:00

I began this list yesterday...

And, so, for my 35^th birthday, I rejoice in these 35 gifts from a generous God. My cup overflows.

The Catholic Church ~ Without Her, I would be nothing. I give thanks to my parents for raising me in the Truth and…
St. Mary’s Catholic Center ~ No time in my life was as influential as when I was a student at Texas A&M University and attended St. Mary’s. The people there taught me the faith and how to be open to God and then challenged me to use my talents and skills to glorify Him. I am especially grateful to NP for inviting me to Mass with her my freshman year after the They Might Be Giants concert!
Pope Paul VI Institute ~ I simply cannot give thanks for my children without giving thanks to Dr. Hilgers and his staff. The treatment I received there for my infertility issues over the years has made me a healthier, happier, mommy!
These United States of America ~ I am a patriot. I love this country and its foundation, and I cannot imagine living anywhere else in the world. And, since freedom is not free, I give thanks for our troops, as well.
Texas ~ There is a bumper sticker that says, “I am not a Native Texan, but I got here as fast as I could!” Having lived in PA, IN, and CT as a child and MI and FL as an adult, I can truly say I hope to never leave this great state!
WF my HS BFF ~ She is the only friend who has stuck with me since high school, and while our lives have been very different thus far, we still stay in touch and pray for one another!
GM my College Roommate ~ She was truly my friend and not just my roommate. We had fun together and went to church together (at St. Mary’s, of course). She was an engineer, and I was an English major, but we loved each other just the same.
TG my College BFF ~ We jokingly tell people that we were college roommates and are still best friends a dozen years later, but it is true! I am blessed to finally live in the same city with her after over ten years apart, and even more blessed that we can still count on each other for anything, despite how difficult it is for us to get together these days!
That Sister Who Asked Me “Have you ever considered religious life?” ~ What a journey she initiated! My discernment that followed was so instrumental to my spiritual life and, of course, to finding my dear husband!
KC Who Asked Me “Would you ever consider dating him?” about my future husband ~ While the thought had never crossed my mind before, her question started a great journey towards marriage to this man I barely knew.
The Nun Run ~ 25 college girls visiting a dozen convents in 9 days sounds crazy, but we did it! That trip led me to such a greater understanding of both the vocations of religious life and marriage. God spoke clearly there, “Go home and marry that guy you barely know!” Now, that’s crazy faith!
BCS Married Couples ~ C&L, Z&E, J&J, D&M, R&M, and more taught me how to have a successful marriage. Thanks for your friendships and your model of faith-filled married life!
KISD & CSISD ~ The teaching positions I held in these districts were fun and challenging. These experiences convinced me of my love for learning and teaching and of my desire to stay home and teach my own children.
Bethany House ~ My extraordinary opportunity to be an assistant to the director of a Catholic youth retreat center proved to be a grace-filled year of joy. I treasure the confidence and faith I gained that year, my last before-children year.

More tomorrow! Thanks for rejoicing with me.

Blessings,

The Birthday Post Part 1

2011-12-12T21:32:00.002-05:00

This weekend I turned 35. I am absolutely delighted! There is no time in my life I can recall being more in love with and at peace with my life.

Grateful does not even begin to describe how blessed I feel! The graces that God has poured out on my life are too many to count, and yet, as Ann Voskamp points out in her beautiful book, One Thousand Gifts:

If all these were gifts that God gives – then wasn’t my writing down the list like…receiving. Like taking with thanks.

And, so, for my 35^th birthday, I rejoice in these 35 gifts from a generous God. My cup overflows.

Jesus’s Love & Mercy ~ There is no other way to begin this list. I am entirely unworthy of my own life and yet because of His love, I am infinitely blessed.

My husband ~ My beloved, my best friend ever has a heart of gold! We are an amazing team, the two of us become one, and the love and fun we share continues to surprise me. Of course, as he wrote about a year ago, the best part is still just being in the same room together!

Mom ~ Her loving hands are tireless in care of me (and now my children), and I am only now beginning to understand the personal sacrifices she made to be such an extraordinarily gentle and encouraging mother. She is the epitome of unconditional love.

Dad ~ He gave me my drive for life, and I am so grateful for his constant praise and unending support. His optimism in any situation has been a huge motivator to me to persevere through tough times, and in these most recent years his zeal for life sustains me.

My only brother ~ While my brother and I are six and a half years apart, I treasure the bond we share despite our distinct personalities and seasons of life. We are family, and he always honors that with his heart of compassion!

My firstborn daughter (9 yo) ~ She has changed my life and given me my vocation. Her passionate love for life reminds me daily to seize the moment, and her attention to detail challenges me to be faithful through and through!

My firstborn son (6 yo) ~ He makes me smile just by being near. His energy and positive attitude are contagious, and he never fails to amaze me with his creativity. Bringing balance to our busy days, he challenges me to slow down and play ball!

One in Heaven ~ Yes, I am grateful, too, for the loss of our little Anna and the suffering that followed. She gave me faith I did not know I could have.

My baby (18 mo) ~ I simply delight in his life! He teaches me to love the little things and savor every stage of babyhood. His joy and loving heart engage me and challenge me to laugh more and hug more!

My In-laws ~ It is a great blessing to have supportive in-laws and a relaxed, uncomplicated relationship with them!

More tomorrow! Thanks for rejoicing with me.

Blessings,

Smiley Boxes

2011-12-09T12:07:00.004-05:00

You do know that the smile on the end of these boxes is intended to remind parents to let their children play with them?! Hours of happy fun with an empty box and packing paper! Great for all ages! We even had a Juan Diego tilma! You can't beat the simple toys! This one is number 2 on the 5 Best Toys of All Time!

Blessings,

Mary's Stories

2011-12-08T13:11:00.001-05:00

I am trying to keep Advent simpler this year. We are narrating the stories of Christmas, and the children truly do capture the simplicity of the story. Here are two to honor Our Lady on this Feast Day:

The Annunciation
by 6 yo ds

There’s Mary. A angel goes to her and tells her that she’s going to have a baby and she should call him Jesus. The end.

The Visitation

by 9 yo dd

Once Mary heard the news, she went to Elizabeth’s house and when John the Baptist, who was in Elizabeth’s tummy, heard that Mary was going to have a baby called Jesus, he jumped for joy. The end.

May your Advent be filled with the simple truth and beauty of the stories of Christmas!

Blessings,

Mom Achievement Award --- TG

2011-12-07T13:56:00.007-05:00

Recently, my husband received an award at work. I was so proud of him that I immediately emailed my very best friend, because I knew she would understand. And, I was pretty sure my husband wasn't going to tell anyone at all, since he is far from the bragging type.

In response, she wrote this:

Consider this email your "[Antonina] achievement award." Your friends know how fabulous you are because you stick by us and love us unconditionally. Your family knows how amazing you are for being so loving and committed. We just hope YOU know how great you are. God loves you and so do we!!!

Her words made me grin from ear to ear. We are mothers. We do not seek recognition for changing diapers, washing laundry, or mopping floors. Our achievements, such as getting dinner on the table and settling a dispute between irate siblings, are significant only to our immediate family. But, they are still significant.

Yes, God has called us to this vocation. It is impossible to have children without His hand, and He has sent us the perfect number, ages, genders, and personalities to bring out the best in ourselves. Of course, that means many, many character building days, as He chisels away our undesirable attributes and leads us to holiness. The only reward we truly seek is our eternal reward.

So, my dear friend, as publicly as I can, I want to recognize you (and hopefully others in the future) for your achievements as a mother. For even if no one else sees your hard work and dedication, God sees, and I know from being your friend, that He is pleased.

TG, I hereby declare that your admirable determination to bless your children with profound faith in God and noble spirit of service to others has been noticed. You consistently maintain the priorities of prayer and selflessness in your family, and that is to be applauded. And, of course, your unconditional love for your children, demonstrated by the continual personal sacrifices you make on their behalf, is officially recognized in this declaration. May our Lord bless your family and your vocation as a mother!

Who deserves a Mom Achievement Award from you today?

Blessings,

Talents

2011-12-06T13:32:00.003-05:00

We all know the story of the talents in the Gospel. God blesses each of us with various talents, and we are called to multiply those talents to glorify Him. (Matthew 25: 14-30)

God has given me the people and responsibilities AND talents that will enable me to best glorify Him everyday. I am a wife, a mother, and a homeschooler. I have three remarkable children and a devoted husband. Each of these personalities and relationships are specially designed by the Lord to lead me to Him.

What is my greatest talent? What unique attribute has God chosen for me to give back to Him in service? What does He want to multiply in me to profound effect in my life and the lives of those around me?

I have often been the subject of jokes praise about my gift of organization. At my wedding, to begin the homily, our pastor shared with everyone that the morning of my wedding, when most brides are hurrying and scurrying about with last-minute preparations, I took the time to change my old hotmail email address from my maiden name to my married name. (I really didn’t have anything else to do!)

In college, I held numerous leadership positions where organizing a large number of people (i.e. 300+) and/or organizations (50+) was crucial. After college, I continued to take on leadership roles that required complex organizational skills with scheduling, personnel, and activity coordination. Even after having children, I continue to take on volunteer roles, intending to use this God-given talent of organization.

I enjoy organizing things, actually. It comes naturally, and I take pleasure in seeing beautifully mapped out schedules and orderly systems. Lists and charts are my friends, and I create them constantly.

This is my fifth official year of homeschooling, and I realized this summer that I have not utilized my talent of organization to its potential to allow the Lord to work as mightily as He could. I recognize that I was stopping short of giving my very best. I was doing a good job but wanted to challenge myself to do more.

Part of my fallen nature must block the part of my brain that says it makes sense to give my all to those closest to me. We do this all of the time, speaking more kindly to strangers than to our family, saying yes to those outside of our home while too many things inside are undone.

So, I have this talent, and if I use it as God intends in my family, it follows that we should be even more blessed than we already are! What gift is God asking you to use more effectively in your daily life?

Blessings,

May the Force Be With You

2011-12-05T17:28:00.000-05:00

Just a quick fun post for a cold Monday! I was at a friend's house this morning watching her little ones while our big kids went on a field trip. Her four-year-old remembered from visiting my house once last year that we have pool noodle light sabers!

These have been one of the most fabulous toys ever! Our home is not opposed to toy weapons, per se, but we definitely want them to look like toys and not injure anyone. Enter my daughter's request for a Star Wars birthday party one year and a quick Google search finding these instructions! Pool noodles and black duct tape? Even this non-crafty mom can do that!

Yes, I have been corrected for making a yellow light saber. According to Wiki, they are only in certain video games. And, I was also chastised for not finding a purple or red noodle (the only ones that were close to red were pink). The party was in September, so I really was lucky to find any pool noodles left at WalMart!

If you have any pool noodles left from the summer and any Star Wars fans, this is a great way to burn off some energy indoors on these cold winter days. Even my 18 month old participates in light saber fights here and often will bring me a light saber, holding one himself, to request a battle!

Blessings,

My Quest for Quiet

2011-12-02T13:23:00.002-05:00

How can a busy wife and homeschooling mom find quiet? It seems next to impossible. On Thanksgiving Day, after cooking all day and feeding my family, I put the baby in the stroller and took a short walk around the neighborhood. The quiet was so alluring that it was difficult to go back home.

In that quiet, I could really talk to God, honestly. I knew He was with me, near me, could truly feel his presence.

Late at night when I am up with my wakeful toddler, I try to pray. I can get through one or two decades of a Rosary with a sincere heart. Then, I either get too tired or too frustrated to pray meaningfully. My words are empty.

In the morning, if I remember to stay in my nursing chair for just a few extra minutes to pray an offering, I am already being pulled in several directions by the needs of my family. Breakfast, schoolwork, laundry, and more beg my attention. Two minutes is something but not enough.

We periodically have quiet time in the middle of the day, but when the toddler is ready for his nap, my older two children are still finishing schoolwork, often needing my assistance. Taking time away from them for prayer escapes me. Most often I just escape online, an easier way to “get away.”

Several times in my life as a mother I have made early morning quiet time work for me, before anyone else is up. That time has been like precious gold and fed me in miraculous ways. It has not worked, however, in quite a while. I am generally trying to keep the wakeful toddler quiet long enough for everyone else to sleep.

And, so this Advent, I am begging God to show me the quiet. I want to be with Him and talk with Him, to share my joys and struggles, to open myself to His love and His mercy, both of which I so desperately need. I know He is all around me; I pray for my eyes to see and my ears to hear.

I have all confidence that God will give me opportunities for quiet. He wants me to be with Him even more than I desire to be with Him (but I am the one who *needs* Him). My greater prayer is for the self-discipline to accept these gifts of quiet, to allow myself moments with my Lord.

I pray for you, my friend, that in ways and times that suit our seasons in life, we may both embrace the quiet we are given to be with the Lord in peaceful anticipation of the Birth of His Son.

Blessings,

Why I Love Homeschooling

2011-12-01T15:07:00.000-05:00

Because yesterday morning we began reading this book, which we picked up from our local library system a few days ago...

at the recommendation of the Serendipity American History Trails.

And yesterday afternoon at the playground we met Baxter, a five-year-old, 116 pound, Newfoundland dog that looked like this...

Our family calls these circumstances God-incidences (instead of coincidences). It was so awesome to see up close and personal the kind of dog that accompanied Lewis on his adventures!

Why do you love homeschooling?

Blessings,

In God's Hands

2011-12-01T14:02:00.001-05:00

I was sharing with my parents last night something that has been bouncing about in my mind the past few months. As parents, we make millions of decisions about raising our children over the course of their childhoods. Some decisions are small and seemingly unimportant (can she wear mismatched clothes to the party? should they eat McDonald's franken-nuggets?), and some are important life-defining choices (when should they receive sacraments? where should they go to school?). We try to discern God's will and do the best thing in each circumstance.

To put it simply, I am amazed that my parents did this same thing for me (and my brother, of course). As a child, even as an adult, I was not aware of the conversations they must have had about what was best for me. It is clear to me that they had these conversations, because I know they are intentional people who do things deliberately, not randomly.

And, because I was completely unaware of this master-planning of my upbringing, it is stunning to me the responsibility parents have for their children. (well, parents who intentionally set out to raise responsible adults, that is) In fact, I often feel my husband and I are orchestrating some grand symphony whose many parts are dizzying as we try to juggle them all!

The reality is that we can steer our children one way or another. We can attempt to instill in them the same priorities that we decide are most important in life. Yet, they will, in the end, be in God's hands. They will do whatever they want (like get engaged to a guy they have only dated for three months and move across the country a few times with him to chase dreams even taking your grandchildren thousands of miles away from you...) and as parents we have to embrace it all.

Yes, we can try to be the conductor of our children's lives and dreams. We can hope to lead them towards the best path, especially the road to sanctification. But we also just need to love them and trust that God is truly the master planner of their lives. Because at some point, they will leave us, and I can only hope and pray that they will not leave God.

Thanks, Mom and Dad, for all your careful decisions in raising me. I think I turned out okay! As I parent my own children, now, I beg God's guidance in leading them to be what He created them to be, and I pray for their faith so that when I am far away, they will follow God's will, not mine, not theirs.

Blessings,

God's Unique Will for Each of Us

2011-11-30T15:14:00.000-05:00

Being in the public eye is something I never wish to encounter personally. I am happy to live my quiet unknown life as a wife and homeschooling mom! Three times this week I have noticed public criticism of Christians who I sincerely believe are trying to follow God's unique will for their lives that made me want to jump up on my soap box and shout. (yes, two involve football!)

Tim Tebow - I read his autobiography, Through My Eyes, and while I will not say it was especially well written by his co-writer, I found it compelling. Mostly I was fascinated how a homeschooled kid found success in the highly secularized world of college football. I learned that he was taught and still believes that his football talent is God's way of providing him a platform through which to share the Good News. He loves football with a passion and has been successful, because he is always seeking to glorify God.

The sports pundits will tell you that he is not a good NFL quarterback. They are only partly right, IMHO. Yes, Tebow has some room for growth in his skill and development as a professional player, but the bottom line is he is winning games. I fully believe, and I am guessing he does, too, that this is God's way of making sure he continues to have a platform to share Jesus Christ with as many people as possible. Of course, there is the continued criticism that he always mentions his faith when in public, and doing is is "getting old." To me, this is merely the persecution we can all expect when being openly religious in a God-less culture.

Urban Meyer - Sorry. I cannot help it. I absolutely love football. And, my mother was born and raised in the Buckeye State! Most media has been positive about Meyer's decision, but there have been a few hints of skepticism about his ability to coach successfully after his personal near-collapse a year ago. The most blatant criticism I read was on a friend's Facebook status, which read (and I imagine was dripping with sarcasm) "I guess Urban Meyer has had enough time with his family." Really?

Why are we second-guessing someone's personal decision about his career? His family is supportive of his decision to take the head coaching job at Ohio State. He made no secret in press conferences about their family meeting and the tough scrutiny his wife and children gave him before agreeing to the position. He even shared the details of the "contract" his daughter wrote, explaining her requirements for supporting the decision. They have prayerfully chosen to go home to Ohio as a family. Enough already.

Danielle Bean - The most egregious criticism...Elizabeth Foss beautifully articulated my soapbox points already on Mrs. Bean's new position as editor in chief of Catholic Digest. For faithful Catholics to judge her decision to take on this job while homeschooling her eight children is appalling. How dare they suggest she is neglecting her family by taking on this role? Do they know her personally to determine her capabilities?

I do not, but I can imagine that she also prayerfully made this choice with her family's support. Clearly she is an amazing woman of God, evidenced by her writing and leadership skills, but I am certain she is also dedicated to her family and the education of her children. The Bean family has discerned that she is capable of handling both the work at home and professional work. Perhaps they have help from family and friends to succeed in their homeschooling. Perhaps she has simply been gifted with an efficiency and generous heart that knows no limits. Only God knows all.

Homeschooling? - My point in sharing these three examples is that it is easy to love the life you have chosen for your family, but we should never claim to know God's will for another. Because I have embraced homeschooling, I do believe that it is the most wonderful vocation there is, and I do believe it is the best way to educate my children. But, your children are yours. You choose to educate them according to God's will for your family.

Whether you work out of the home or stay at home, a mother's heart is her own, and knowing the path that will lead your family to eternal life is between you and God. Accordingly, let us be very careful not to question the decisions of others, especially when we do not know them personally. Let us simply pray for God's will to be done and that they will accept His graces to fulfill His will, not our own.

Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

Blessings,

Outward Appearances

2011-11-29T14:40:00.001-05:00

My daughter asked me this morning how she can prove to me she has improved her attitude. You see, I had to exact a certain punishment for some mouthiness and noticing that I have had to do so numerous times in the past two days, I decided the punishment was in effect indefinitely until I could see her attitude improved. (that brought on quite the scowl!) We discussed how she needs to stop blurting out whatever complaint is on her mind and strive to be more positive.

But, how will Mom know she kept the negative thought to herself? (she and I already agree I cannot read minds, generally speaking) I pondered her excellent question for a moment before explaining that the only way I can tell her attitude is appropriate is through her voice and body language. Her responses to me and her expression have to be pleasant, and she should appear peaceful if not outwardly joyful. Easier said than done, of course, as we all struggle with self-control on a regular basis.

And yet, how many times do I internally remind myself that I am doing this motherhood thing for all the right reasons and yet not externally prove that to the people around me? My mind is constantly racing with many things throughout the day, and so my expression is often anything but pleasant while my attitude may be positive (or at least neutral). Once again, the Lord uses my children to teach me.

After all, it has become a habit for me to deliberately force a relaxed smile once my little guy has fallen asleep in my arms before putting him down, because that simple smile relaxes my entire body and increases the likelihood that he will stay asleep once his body touches the mattress! So, I guess that in order to receive a pleasant attitude from my daughter, I should force a few more of those smiles.

Per my own advice, my inner disposition is only proven by my outward appearance, and something tells me that a little more effort on my part will radiate to my little girl and make it easier for her to grow in virtue. Win-win! (Duh, Mom!)

Take notice of the impression you make on others with your body language today and see what attitude you convey.

Blessings,

Advent Change

2011-11-28T14:10:00.001-05:00

Yes, the words of the Mass changed yesterday, and everyone is talking about it. But, did you change?

Did you go to Mass in need and come away fulfilled? Did you allow Christ in the Eucharist to transform your life? Did hearing the words of the Mass elevate you just a little higher towards God? Isn't this what we should pray for every time we encounter Him?

I have been asking myself: What good is it to meet God on Sunday and be the same on Monday as you were on Saturday? And, what good is a morning offering, a noon Angelus, or an evening Rosary if there is no substantial change after each?

The Church's liturgical seasons are opportunities for change. Lent is especially seen as a chance to better ourselves through sacrifice. But, I typically think of Advent as preparing myself to receive Jesus, getting myself ready for Christmas Day, not necessarily doing the hard work of change.

This year, however, I am approaching Advent not as four weeks before Christ's birth, but as today and tomorrow and the next day. I want to embrace the opportunities to encounter God each day and strive to be open to the stirrings in my heart that beg me to more closely imitate Jesus. I pray I will allow Him to transform me a little more each moment I visit Him in prayer and service to others.

Because every encounter with God is an opportunity for change. He is coming. I want to be there to meet Him. Will you join me?

Blessings,

Bye for Now

2011-05-02T14:40:00.000-05:00

Friends,

Christ Is Risen, Alleluia! He Is Risen Indeed, Alleluia!

I did not intend to take a blogging break for Lent. In fact, I had hoped to discipline myself to write more regularly. Alas, clearly, that did not happen.

So, even though I want to write and have a million ideas swimming in my head to share with you, it is evident to me that I need to let this blog go for now. Who knows when or if I'll be back someday.

I just wanted you to know not to expect new posts anytime soon. Thanks for reading! Please pray for me.

Blessings,
Antonina

Keeping Track of Sacrifices

2011-03-08T23:10:00.000-05:00

Lent begins tomorrow. Are you ready? In some ways I feel Lent is overdue this year. I started some practical resolutions last week to get my days in order, knowing I could not begin to make spiritual progress without such simple rules. Last week, I strived to:

wake up at 6AM every morning, shower and pray by 7AM whether the baby is asleep or not
begin school at 9AM on school days
give my children only one warning before a consequence (stop nagging)
pray the Angelus before lunch daily
take my children outside at least 30 minutes each day
get out my old chore lists and check them off

The week was quite successful, even though John Bosco had the flu. I did not do all these things every day, but I did do most things pretty closely every day and at the end of the week, I was pleased with my progress. This week, I wanted to add a few more things before settling in to prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. So I came up with this list to add to the above items:

write a meal plan for all 3 meals for the week and mostly stick to it
use fewer words to communicate more clearly, especially with my children
engage my children in preparing for and beginning Lenten practices
spend 30 minutes a day writing

As of now, this week is about the same as last week, insofar as keeping these resolutions goes. I share these details to tell you the two things that have motivated my success. Perhaps they will aid your success in keeping your Lenten resolutions. Perhaps you don't need them during Lent but can file away these ideas on personal growth for another time.

1. I found a friend with the same vocation and a similar family situation. We both are Catholic homeschoolers whose husbands are rarely home during the week and whose children are not yet old enough to do a lot of work independently. We decided to be accountability partners. Each Sunday we email the other our list of goals for the week. We also text each other every morning upon waking (since we both chose the same wake up time) to ensure the other is up. Finally, on Fridays, we touch base to see how the week went.

This has been very helpful! It is a relief to know there is someone else out there struggling with self-discipline like I am. One benefit of homeschooling is that you make all the decisions and are entirely in charge - no school bell to beat, any teaching philosophy you choose. But, one challenge of homeschooling is that you make all the decisions and are entirely in charge - sleep in late, no paycheck to earn for a job well done. Plus, just the discipline of writing these things down and having to evaluate myself has been motivating.

Thanks, Friend!

2. Inspired by The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, I have created a chart to check off my goals daily. (more thoughts on the book later) My chart for Lent can be printed from my Scribd account here if you want a copy. Across the top, I simply wrote each goal, and I check them off each day I am successful. I have used a handwritten chart for the past two weeks, but I look forward to using the simple typed chart for the 40 days of Lent.

Having a chart like this has required me to be honest with whether or not I am fulfilling the basic responsibilities of my days and my weekly goals. I have tied some things to simple rewards, such as unless I do x, I cannot get on the computer. But, mostly, the chart merely brings to mind daily (several times a day, actually) my goals and has helped me to stay focused and motivated.

Thanks, Gretchen!

These two simple things have unstuck me from my deer in headlights indecisiveness about what to do each day or what personal changes to make first. I have a long way to go on my path to holiness, but these little helps might just make it a little easier for me to get a little closer a little sooner.

May this Lent be life-giving to you!

Monday...Again

2011-03-07T22:13:00.000-05:00

In the quiet dark, save for the hum of the dryer, I scoop up scattered rattles and stacking cups from the living room floor, my throat sore from the exertion of the day called yelling. Monday. The hardest day of the week. And yet it always catches me off guard, no matter how optimistically I prepare for it.

The children were not giddy over completing math, reading, writing lessons. Why does this surprise me? Their dawdling tried my patience, and the teething baby whined. I am pulled in all directions at once, and I open the window to welcome spring breezes, hoping to change the air.

It does not work. They grumble and complain. Hours later we finish the short lessons, break for lunch, the oldest and I finish spelling, which drags, punctuated by my middle child's interruptions for attention, his feet conveniently getting in his sister's way one too many times.

That's okay. We have a playdate scheduled for the afternoon. A chance for children to play carefree and mothers to encourage one another. Yet, they cancel. We are home alone, and I collapse on the floor with the whining baby, dumping a toy bin of rattles and stacking cups to occupy him.

As I doze in and out of sleep, the older children are busy. My daughter approaches with coupons for a hug, a game, a tickle. My son bounces his silly putty about. They play carefree, and I try to recall I am not alone. The UPS man calls through the open window so as not to startle me as he approaches, and I cheerfully accept the package.

For, there are millions of mothers out there having the same day as me. Motherhood is not easy. More importantly, holiness is not easy, and this is the path God has chosen for me to grow in holiness. I am weak, and I beg Him for mercy to cover my faults.

Today was not a good day, but fortunately, several good days are still fresh in my mind from last week. We will start again tomorrow. I end the day with an extra-long squeeze for each big kid, looking them in the eyes and reminding them that tomorrow is a fresh beginning for us, encouraging them to sleep peacefully and reminding them of my love and His.

Dearest Texas,

2011-03-01T16:07:00.000-05:00

I love you. I really, really do! For five years, I suffered Michigan winters and then the foreign land of Miami, always pining to move back to my home, sweet, home. The joy I have had since moving back and finding kindred spirits, friendly neighbors, and a new connection for my children with their grandparents is incomparable. My heart has been glorying in the ambitious plans my husband and I have concocted to finally buy land (at least 10 acres) and create a home for our children with space, privacy, safety, and above all lots of nature! BUT...

We have never been as sick as we have been this winter. Among the five of us, we have had: migraines, several cold viruses, a sinus infection, the stomach flu, random coughs, an ear infection, croup, and most recently, the common flu, culminating with another bout of gastroenteritis. Please stop the madness!

I realize this has been a hard winter for many families, partly due to the incredible cold weather across the country, but we are generally very healthy people. I think we get maybe one or two cold viruses each winter. This season has really made it difficult for me to stay on top of anything at all.

So, pretty, please! Out with the germs! In with the bluebonnets already!

Sincerely,
A Devoted Fan

My Word for 2011 - Little Part 1

2011-02-10T14:43:00.002-05:00

As I said before, I have found a word for 2011. I am writing about it a bit late, because I don't know about you, but our family has been hit with every sick bug around this winter. We are usually really healthy, so this season has thrown me completely off.

(insert photo when blogger cooperates)

Without further ado, here is the first of four reasons I am trying to focus on the word little this year.

1. I must decrease. He must increase.

Some days I see how much bigger I think I am than I really am. Ann so sincerely shared my thoughts a few weeks ago much better than . While my job is incredibly important, I cannot allow my ways to get in the way of God's ways.

I recently shared with a friend that I find myself caught between two truths. First, God will not give me more than I can handle. Second, I cannot do anything without God. These truths require faith to blend them together seamlessly, and I have been doing a lousy job. Typically, I teeter between believing I can do so much more than is humanly possible and desperately begging God to help me fix everything.

Instead, I need to become little and allow Him to take over and be bigger than me. My controlling nature struggles with this in the small moments of everyday life, although I think I have a decent handle on submitting to God's authority on the big stuff.

Sometimes He Just Needs My Words

2011-02-09T14:19:00.000-05:00

(blogger is not letting me post photos again, sorry)

I have a love affair with words. I like to speak them. I like to read them. I like to write them. I like to hear them. But, it occurred to me today when I was rocking the baby that my prayer life as of late has been without my own words.

Now, that is not always wrong. Different seasons in our lives require different methods of prayer. The Lord will lead us to pray the Rosary when He feels we need the meditation. He will lead us to pray in silence when our spiritual life needs such food. And, He will invite us to share the depths of our hearts with him, too.

My prayer life used to be full of my words. For many years, I spent most of my prayer time pouring out my heart to God, and it was good. At some point, however, I noticed that my words ceased being words of faith and praise but merely words of worry and whine. So, I stopped.

I turned to spiritual reading and meditating on Scripture and the Rosary, all very good things. Of course, with a new baby, I lost my rhythm of these prayers. My mother's hear merely exhaled aspirations throughout my days...and sleepless nights, also good. About a month ago, however, I began longing for more.

And, in keeping with my realization that it took me about a month to get started in this new year of 2011, today, I hear the Lord ask for my words again. My own words formed in this mother's heart and spoken in the voice of my soul while I rock a fussy baby to sleep once again. After all, I had become frustrated unable to hold a Bible or book without little hands grabbing fistfuls of delicate pages.

He needs to hear my words. In fact, He longs for them like I long to be close to Him. Sometimes nothing else will work to bring us closer together but the words that I conceive in my heart. Lord, help me to speak words of faith and praise in prayer today.

What season of prayer are you called to these days?

Reader Readers...

2011-02-03T16:34:00.002-05:00

I finally made some long overdue design updates to the blog, which included changing the feed settings for you. I know I am more likely to read a post in my reader than click over to the actual blog, so I wanted to make that easier for you. As you know, my goal is not how many hits but how many hearts. :) So, click on over and tell me what you think. Disclaimer: my eye for beauty in graphic design is quite underdeveloped.

A few reads that made me smile this week...

Who Is Praying for Snow? by Marcel at Aggie Catholics
The Magic Hairbrush and Other Tales by Elizabeth at In the Heart of My Home
The Big, Black Boot...Risk, Trust, & Love by Kate at Momopoly
M&M Math by Charlotte at Waltzing Matilda

We are expecting snow here in Texas tonight which cancelled our homeschool co-op classes, so I will probably get some blogging done!

Blessings,

Review: My First Prayers for Christmas - Catholic Board Book!

2011-02-03T14:11:00.001-05:00

So untimely of me! Through the generosity of TiberRiver.com, I received a copy of My First Prayers for Christmas by Maite Roche. Part of my delay in posting this review is that I wanted to be sure to include my children’s responses, and the book ended up being the perfect Christmas present for the baby.

To me, it is so rare to find quality Catholic children’s literature, much less in board book format. Most religious board books I find are beautifully Christian but not authentically Catholic. This book is just that, and I am thrilled to see there are three other board books in the series put out by Magnificat and Ignatius Press: My First Prayers with Mary, My First Bedtime Prayers, and My First Prayers for My Family.

In this title, there are seven unique prayers, and each one can play a special role in a child’s preparations for and celebration of Christmas. The first prayer is a prayer of anticipation, and it echoes the joy children have in preparing their homes and hearts for Christmas. The next two prayers are of rejoicing and thanksgiving for the birth of Christ. The fourth prayer is appropriate for Christmas Eve, while the fifth is in thanks for the happiness of Christmas Day. Finally, there is a prayer to honor the three wise men, appropriate for the Epiphany, and another to honor the Holy Family on the Feast of the Holy Family.

Such a subtle yet meaningful touch to this book is that each page begins with “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. The words are simple and clear, printed in a text that is both bold and clean, spaced and sized perfectly for little eyes. A beginning reader could certainly read the book with only a little help from mom or dad.

The illustrations are done in bright colors, often depicting a family of five with wonderful detail, such as wedding rings and cross necklaces. There is great joy and peace on the faces of everyone depicted, whether it be Mary and Joseph or a cat playing with an ornament. These pictures are delightful to study as you pray the corresponding words for both young and old.

The baby is not quite old enough to fully appreciate board books yet, but he did seem to enjoy looking at the colorful pages. My older children read the prayers together and were inspired by the ease with which they could pray together with the book. My son, an emerging reader, mostly enjoyed looking through the illustrations and seemed to spend quite a bit of time before bedtime one night really soaking in the scenes.

Overall, I am thrilled to find such a quality series for my littlest children! I look forward to bringing this book out next year during Advent to read with my youngest, who will be a toddler more capable of understanding the prayers. I will definitely look for the other titles in the series, as I think they would make wonderful gifts for Easter and Baptism Day! I really do not think you will be disappointed in these treasures, as the care and thought put into them show through in the sincerity of each page.

Review: Little Acts of Grace 2

2011-02-02T17:16:00.000-05:00

If you have the first volume of this set, Little Acts of Grace, and love it (which I know you do if you own it), you will also love the second book. These slim little gems are nearly perfect in sharing sometimes overlooked and/or underemphasized elements of our faith to our children. These books are affordable, too, and might just be the perfect thing for your family's upcoming Lenten journey!

Little Acts of Grace 2 is every bit as wonderful as the first volume! We received the original Little Acts of Grace as a gift from godparents several years ago. The Catholic Company was gracious enough to send me a copy of the sequel to review for you and my family. Rosemarie Gortler and Donna Piscitelli have once again put together a gem of a volume on small ways our children can show their love for and faith in God.

The book’s focus, in fact, is how we can show our love for God in little ways. Each section speaks eloquently of common ways to honor God. The first section reminds me of St. Therese’s Little Way, as children are invited to “Seeing the Lord in the Little Things.” The suggestions in this section, and throughout the book really, are quite simple and easy things for children to do, giving them an immediate sense of accomplishment and connection to God.

Subsequent sections introduce children to the ideas of choosing to attend Mass, participating in the Mass, noticing the candles and incense, loving others through service and forgiveness, and loving Jesus by spending time with Him in prayer. Each section has numerous suggestions for children of all ages, from lighting a candle to celebrating birthdays with family and friends.

My children have truly enjoyed the first volume of this series. My daughter, in particular, often struggles with how hard it is to remember to do everything in love for God, but she finds these books comforting. The simple actions done with sincere and loving hearts can easily lead our children towards greater virtue and charity.

As before, Mimi Sternhagen has created pictures that illustrate the ideas in the book beautifully. The drawings are soft but use bold colors and depict children doing the many things suggested in the book. I am again impressed at how she is able to combine several different “acts of grace” into one drawing, so children have a visual reminder of almost all of the little things in the book and not just a few chosen ones.

Whether you have the original Little Acts of Grace or not, Little Acts of Grace 2 would be an excellent addition to any Catholic home! The books can stand alone; you do not need the first book to appreciate the second one. But, they both do offer different ideas for living our lives in love for God. In fact, they are a wonderful inspiration for me, as well, since once I read a section with my children, I, too, am motivated to put forth the effort to remember these small steps to holiness.

This review was written as part of the Catholic book reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on Little Acts of Grace 2 . They are also a great source for serenity prayer and baptism gifts.

Favorite Superbowl Food?

2011-01-31T16:13:00.000-05:00

Okay, friends, I need your help! I am actually having people over to watch the Superbowl on Sunday for the first time ever. Yikes! We have this itty-bitty, non-HD television, which works fine for our sporadic viewing habits, but rarely invites company for viewing. Nevertheless, one of my husband's friends was looking for a place to watch the game. So, he and his wife are coming to watch here!

Many of you know that I absolutely LOVE football. This is the last game of the season, which always makes me a bit teary, but it is also in my top five games of the season, especially since my team is playing! Other favorites usually include the Aggie v. t.u. game, whatever bowl the Aggies are in, and sometimes the national championship game.

Anyway, my point? Oh, yes. Forgive me, we've all got the allergy/sinus/cold virus thing fogging our brains here. I need some ideas of Superbowl foods that (and this is vitally important) can be completely prepared ahead of time, set out just before game time, and sit out the whole game. I am the football fan in the house, remember? I do not get up to heat, stir, plate, or otherwise do any cooking, preparing, or serving except to refill my own plate. Okay, sometimes I beg my husband to do that, too, so I don't miss a play...or a commercial.

Please help! What do you like to eat? Our standards include chips and dip and pigs in a blanket, but I probably need to have more than that on hand for guests.

Oh, one more thing - GO STEELERS!!

My Basic Fertility Journey

2011-01-28T11:45:00.000-05:00

Note: I have written and told this story in many different versions but not yet here on my blog. I recently revised this version for a few people and thought it's about time I post my story here. This is certainly not a polished piece, basically just the facts.

When you’re fifteen and having irregular cycles, you do whatever your mother’s doctor tells you. When I was fifteen and naive, after my doctor tried one hormone shot, which was ineffective, Mom’s doctor quickly put me on the birth control pill. In fact, if you ask around, I think you’ll learn that is what most doctors do for women with irregular cycles. At first glance, the pill solved the problem. As far as I knew, now that my cycles were textbook normal, all was well.

Fast forward seven years. In college, I was blessed with a Catholic student center that provided solid formation and catechesis, something I lacked growing up. By age 22, I was adamantly pro-life, engaged to be married to a fellow faithful Catholic, and knew the pill had to go. So, I stopped taking it. And, the same irregular cycles returned. Since I had learned a bit about the birth control pill by then, I was only slightly surprised.

My fiancé and I started consulting gynecologists for answers while learning to chart using the Creighton Method of Natural Family Planning, the method taught at our student center. One laughed at me for wanting to use NFP instead of the pill. One tested me for a variety of thyroid problems and found nothing. At the advice of our NFP teacher, we traveled in-state to see a doctor trained in Creighton.

He immediately suggested several different medications that could regulate my cycles. The plan was to try a pharmaceutical for three months to see what happened, and if the drug didn’t work, we would switch to another one. After three medications, seven months later (one gave me such horrible side effects I stopped after a few weeks), we had no solution, and I gave up on that doctor.

We agreed to have our NFP teacher write Dr. Thomas Hilgers of the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha, Nebraska about our case. He is the inventor of the Creighton method of NFP and of NaproTechnology, a method of treating reproductive diseases that includes NFP charting as a vital component.

Our teacher sent Dr. Hilgers three months worth of our NFP charts and a letter detailing my medical history (not actual medical records). Dr. Hilgers wrote back within a month with his opinion on what three diseases were causing my irregularity and an explanation of the tests needed to confirm his diagnosis.

Since the previous five doctors had not ever given us any proposed diagnosis and only a couple had run any tests at all, we were overjoyed and promptly sent my blood to the laboratory at the Pope Paul VI Institute to, finally, get some results. Those initial results confirmed Dr. Hilgers’ theories, and we knew in our hearts we needed to go to him for the more invasive laparoscopy and other testing to begin to treat my reproductive problems.

The short story: Dr. Hilgers performed my laparoscopy in November 2000 in Omaha, Nebraska, removing the endometriosis he found and confirming the presence of polycystic ovarian disease. I returned to Omaha in January 2001 for an ovarian wedge resection to correct the PCOD, knowing that we could trust Dr. Hilgers to do what other doctors did not. Within one month of my surgery, my cycles were textbook normal with NO medications, and I felt healthier than I had in many, many years! To see the change in my charting is absolutely amazing.

Exactly one year to the date of my major surgery, we received our positive pregnancy test, and I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl in September 2002. Subsequently, with remote guidance from Dr. Hilgers and continual charting using the Creighton method, I conceived and delivered two healthy baby boys, born in June of 2005 and June of 2010.

I’ll share the details of conceiving and carrying to term my three babies, mourning the two we lost, and the miraculous healing of another reproductive illness at a later date. But, please know: whether your cycles are textbook normal or all over the place, the Creighton method of NFP, the researchers who created the method, the doctors who faithfully use the method in their practices, and the teachers who teach the method, all have one goal: your overall reproductive health.

Dr. Hilgers has recently published a book titled The NaPro Technology Revolution: Unleashing the Power in a Woman's Cycle, which I have not read but hear is excellent! If you have further questions regarding my experiences with Creighton Natural Family Planning, Dr. Hilgers, and/or the Pope Paul VI Institute, please feel free to contact me at anytime. God bless!

Dear My Sons & Daughter,

2011-01-27T16:46:00.000-05:00

I want to tell you something important. You are a child of God. You are really not all mine. I love you oodles and caboodles, but He loves you infinitely more. And, His love is perfect. It will never, ever fail you. Mine is imperfect, and I fail you daily. But, that is what God has created - the imperfect trying to lead the imperfect to His perfection.

All of your lives you will seek a greater union with God. Sometimes you will be consciously aware of this desire, but sometimes it will be an empty ache for which you cannot identify the cause. The search never ends. Each day is a new beginning. The Christian life is entirely about perseverance. We sin daily, but we pick ourselves back up, dust off our clothes, and begin again. You and I are blessed to run this race together and help each other up when we fall. We seek the same eternal reward of His ultimate love.

Never stop desiring God. If your heart feels cold or dry, ask Him to light it with His fire. For we face daily struggles and overcome some of them through diligence and virtue, but God is the one who changes hearts. It is our job to simply allow Him to be present to us, always giving Him opportunities to shower His graces upon us, not attempting to endure on our own strength.

As I sit here in the early morning darkness, I offer prayers for you. I ask God to bless your lives, to guide you gently towards Himself (more gently than He has and is guiding me, if possible). You belong to Him, not to me. You were His child long before you were mine, conceived in the mind of a generous God before being conceived in my womb. He has simply honored me by allowing me to be a vessel of His love for you. I pray you daily see His love despite my weak will.

Love and prayers,
Your Mom

Deer in Headlights

2011-01-25T11:33:00.000-05:00

That's me! I am suffering from New Year's-itis. A couple of weeks ago, I almost "sat down and made a list about everything that's wrong. What's wrong with me. What's wrong with you. And how that list went on..." (Marie Bellet) I have been reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project and trying to figure out how to modify her ideas to make my own Holiness Project! Surely, if I just make myself a to-do list of all the things I want to change about myself, that will work, right?

Yikes! Listen to me! No wonder the priest started out with "You know yourself very well" during my Confession last weekend!

It is the New Year. In fact, I have spent the past 25 days pondering this fact. Wise women are discussing resolutions, sharing changes that worked. Many other bloggers are choosing a "Word for the Year" to guide their thoughts. And, I have been stuck in indecision.

I have been trying to figure out where to start. What goals are reasonable for this year? What fault do I need to correct first, because I certainly cannot fix them all at the same time!?

And, so, I have spent almost all of January trying to figure out how to have a better year than last year (and last year was pretty good), how to be a better person than last year (never-ending process), and I have failed miserably. I have failed in making resolutions and amending my life, because it is all too overwhelming. I can not seem to prioritize and just start something, anything.

Then, in the darkness last night, nursing and praying, inspired by Elizabeth's post, I asked God for a word. Words, you see, are very important to me. I love words! It only took a few minutes, and I am very surprised by the result (I'll explain its meaning in my next post) ....

LITTLE

Sometimes I Just Don't Get It!!!

2011-01-12T12:00:00.001-05:00

If you hadn't noticed, I haven't been blogging. True to the New Year and organizational revisions like Charlotte and others, we are working on a new schedule (which isn't working so well yet) and I have yet to squeeze in time for writing. The schedule is a work in progress, of course!

This morning during my prayer time, though (that is a new thing that IS working well!!!), I read something in Scripture that hit me like a 2x4 that I want to share with you:

Mark 8: 14-21
14 Now they had forgotten to bring bread; and they had only one loaf with them in the boat.

15 And he cautioned them, saying, "Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod."
16 And they discussed it with one another, saying, "We have no bread."
17 And being aware of it, Jesus said to them, "Why do you discuss the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened?
18 Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember?
19 When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?" They said to him, "Twelve."
20 "And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?" And they said to him, "Seven."
21 And he said to them, "Do you not yet understand?"

I feel completely like these poor apostles! Here they are complaining about forgetting to bring bread on the boat. Fretting, worrying, panicking that they will be hungry. And, Jesus JUST moments ago fed 4000 people with 7 loaves of bread and a few fish! They clearly just don't get it!

And, neither do I. Our first two days back to school this semester have been brutal. My expectations are high. The baby is teething. The students are definitely not as excited as the teacher. And, I am lamenting over how my children will ever learn anything. How they work so.very.slowly. How smart they are and what potential they have that I am failing to bring to fruition!

Yet, until this morning, I had not really offered this work to God. Sure, I begged him for help as I lost my patience and told Him to fix everything when I walked away from a tantrum or two (or three, but who's counting?). Today, finally, after reading this Scripture, I decided enough was enough. It was time for God to be in charge, not me, because I was doing a miserable job.

We still started our day with P.E. this morning to wiggle and dance off a little energy after breakfast, but then I had the children write a prayer to God for us to say for our homeschooling each day. I told them it would help our school days to be more fun. They each took pen to paper and without reading what the other wrote or sharing came up with these:

translation of the first: "Dear God help us to do schoolwork"

From the mouths of babes! How did you start your school day today?

Review: Cat Chat Vol. 4 - The Mass Comes Alive

2011-01-05T11:36:00.000-05:00

I requested Cat Chat Volume 4: The Mass Comes Alive, because my daughter was preparing for First Holy Communion last spring, and I really wanted to excite her about the Mass. She loves the other Cat Chat CDs we own (I think we have all of them now), so I hoped she would especially enjoy this one.

I was not disappointed! As usual, the creators of this series have presented the Catholic faith in a solid way with songs and stories full of contagious enthusiasm for the Holy Mass! If you have never listened to Cat Chat before, you should know that the entire show is presented as a father teaching his children about the faith. This simple but ingenious way of presenting the audio show always makes me feel like I am sitting in the Millers' living room, benefiting from a loving parent guiding his beloved children.

The stories are real and meaningful to my children, ages 5 and 8, and even to me! On this show, there is an excellent explanation of the Creed and beautiful reminders of the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. My enthusiasm for the faith (and for teaching it in a way that will excite my children) is definitely renewed whenever we listen to a Cat Chat CD.

The quality of the music continues to amaze me, compared to some other Christian songs for children. These songs are catchy, memorable, and beautifully sung, not at all irritating to adult ears. I especially enjoyed "Come Live in Me," since my original goal was preparation for receiving Jesus in the Eucharist.

The Mass Comes Alive is now a favorite in our van, and we enjoy the sincerity of the programs so much that we feel like we are a part of the Miller family! It helps, I'm sure, that we have a cat just as tenacious as Moses!!!

Also, I was excited to see that they have a Catholic Vacation Bible School program based on this audio show called "Marvelous Mystery!" I will be looking into that for next summer!

You can purchase this CD here.

I wrote this review of Cat. Chat Volume 4 for the Tiber River Blogger Review program, created by Aquinas and More Catholic Goods. For more information and to purchase, please visit Aquinas and More Catholic Goods.

Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases.

I receive free product samples as compensation for writing reviews for Tiber River.

Must. Have. Mud.

2011-01-04T12:47:00.000-05:00

I am popping in for a moment to share a funny story and to let you know I'll be scarce this week, as I try to take my own advice, avoid being a hypocrite, and actually write some lesson plans before diving into this semester! Then, the posting should be more regular again!

Yesterday, we had some friends over to decorate graham cracker gingerbread houses, an annual tradition in our family. The children were playing outside in our woods when one came with a bucket of dirt to get water from the hose. I told the child we were not playing with water today. It was cool and damp, and we had 15 children running around at that point.

My daughter came next, supposing the rule might not apply since this was her house. Surprise! I still said no. A bit later, they started asking if they could go inside to get drinks of water. When I noticed they were bringing their cups outside to the woods, I quickly declared no cups outside, please!

A few minutes later, one of the boys came out with his water bottle brought from home. I had said no cups - smart kids! We sent it inside and told the children to drink all drinks inside. What sent me into fits of laughter was the next (and final) step.

My daughter and another friend went in for a drink, came out running to the woods with puffy cheeks and tightly sealed lips, promptly spitting their stash into the waiting bucket of dirt. They got mud, and our final insistence that water not be used in any way shape or form outside today was pointless as they glued together the collected rocks with their concoction, effectively making a mud house!

When is the last time you let your children make mud? :)

Simplify

2010-12-21T10:21:00.000-05:00

I do not recall a day since December 8 where one of us was not sick. We have cancelled and missed all sorts of Advent and Christmas celebrations. Everyone has been sick but me, some of us twice. Or was I sick and just didn't notice? Moms are not allowed to be sick, right?

Anyway, I pray you are having a blessed preparation time these last few days before Christ's Birthday! We are blessedly focusing on the bare minimum. Mary and Joseph began their journey across our living room yesterday. Here is a Christmas card from my family to yours.

May Jesus simply be all you desire and all you seek.
Merry Christmas As You Celebrate His Birth

One Week Left - Thoughts from Katie

2010-12-17T14:58:00.000-05:00

One of my IRL friends (before we were both bloggers) "mentioned" me in a post this week that was an excellent reminder in this busy season (I'm "A friend"). Her quick reminder can help us be sure to stay on track or get back on track, keeping Christ as the center of Christmas!!! I have mentioned before this priest's advice. My moment of fame:

A friend was told by a priest once that she needed not an hour of adoration, but an hour and fifteen minutes of adoration every week. Why? This is the most interesting answer I’ve ever heard, and I think of it often when I am sitting in the Presence of our Lord, distracted as all get out.

It takes an hour to get the octopus of the world off your back.

Then you can have focused prayer for the next 15 minutes.

The octopus of the world.

Do you know it?

Read the rest.

She also posted this gem today that is perfect inspiration as we approach the last week of Advent. Thank goodness that I read it today! Since we have been sick for the past week and are still recovering, I am having to rewrite all of my "to-do" lists to be more realistic about what I can fit in before Christmas Day. She begins:

What are you doing next week to make Christmas holy? I always find a need to refocus on the point of the celebration, don’t you?

I want you to make a new list today.

I know, I know. You’re drowning in lists.

I promise, just one more.

Make a list titled “How to Have a Holy Christmas.”

Read the rest

Christmas Gift for Inactive Catholics

2010-12-16T11:57:00.002-05:00

What a wonderful letter from Bishop Tobin of Rhode Island to "inactive Catholics!" This is probably one of the best ways to start a conversation with a friend or family member who has drifted as an extra special Christmas gift. I have two family members in mind and am going to start praying for the courage to hand them a copy of this now!

UPDATE: I have received permission from the Diocese of Providence newspaper editor to post on Scribd an easy-to-print copy of this letter for you! It is nothing fancy, but it will print on one page front-back if you want to slip it into a Christmas card or gift! Download here.

Here is how the letter begins...

An Open Letter to Inactive Catholics

BY BISHOP THOMAS J. TOBIN

12/9/10

My dear Brother or Sister: In the spirit of the Advent and Christmas Season, and as the Diocese of Providence nears the end of its “Year of Evangelization,” I’m writing this letter to inactive Catholics of our Diocese – perhaps you’re in that category – to let you know that we miss you, we love you and we want you to come home to the Church.

The first dilemma I faced in writing this letter was how to describe you – an “inactive Catholic,” a “fallen-away Catholic” or a “former-Catholic.” I chose the first option.

I decided against “fallen-away Catholic” for it suggests someone falling off a fence or out of a tree. The image isn’t helpful.

And there’s really no such thing as a “former Catholic.” If you were baptized a Catholic, you’re a Catholic for life – even if you haven’t been to Mass for years, even if you’ve renounced the title and joined another Church. Your baptism infused your soul with Catholic DNA – it defines who and what you are.

Thus, I’ve chosen the title, “inactive Catholic,” because even though you haven’t been “active” in the Catholic community for awhile, especially by attending Sunday Mass, receiving the sacraments and otherwise participating in the life of the Church, you’re still a Catholic. Sorry . . . you’re stuck with us!

read more here

HT to Marcel (I am a proud Aggie Catholic!)

The Mystery-Loving Bookworm List

2010-12-14T17:32:00.000-05:00

As I have mentioned several times previously, my 8 year old Therese is quite the reader! She devours books, and it is a challenge for me to keep finding appropriate books for her to read that she also enjoys. Mostly, I have to remember that she is a young third grader, reading at about a seventh grade level, so the content of the books she is capable of reading is not always what I want her to read.

Therese's First Grade Pleasure Reading List

Therese's Second Grade Pleasure Reading List

Since I am now having to dig back into my files of book lists to find new reads for her, I thought I would post again about what she has been reading, with my approval. Remember, I do not buy books; we get everything from the library! One tip for authors you like or series you like: Go to Wikipedia and type in the author and/or series title, and you can see an entire listing of book titles. We print these out and keep them in a file, crossing out as she reads them, marking with an "R" those we have requested from our library, and noting those titles our library does not own.

Therese's Third Grade Pleasure Reading...

Boxcar Children books by Gertrude Warner (every single one up to #83, plus 18 more our library has, and all 21 "Specials")

Magic Tree House books by Mary Pope Osborne (all 43)

A to Z Mysteries books by Ron Roy (all 26 plus the 4 super editions)

Geronimo Stilton books by Geronimo Stilton (all 40 our library owns)

American Girl History Mystery books by various (9, so far)

Disney Fairies Tales of Pixie Hollow books by various (5, so far)

Encyclopedia Brown books by Donald Sobol (all 23 our library has)

Blast to the Past books by Stacia Deutsch & Rhody Cohon (3, and counting)

Beverly Cleary books (these are sort of a compromise for me, since I loved them growing up):
Henry Huggins
Henry and Beezus
Henry and Ribsy

Henry and the Clubhouse
Ramona the Pest
Ramona and Her Father
Ramona Quimby, Age 8
Ramona Forever
Ramona's World

Nancy Drew books by Carolyn Keene (she is up to #20 and still reading, but not at bedtime!, and I won't let her read past #56, too scandalous!)

Andrew Lang's Fairy Books (all in public domain):
The Green Fairy Book
The Yellow Fairy Book
The Pink Fairy Book
The Violet Fairy Book
The Orange Fairy Book
The Grey Fairy Book
More Catholic Tales for Boys and Girls by Caryll Houselander

The Doll People by Ann Martin

The Doll Shop Downstairs by Yona Zeldis McDonough

Little Bo by Julie Andrews Edwards

The Trees Kneel at Christmas by Maud Hart Lovelace

The Kitchen Madonna by Rumer Godden

As you can tell, we have been focusing on series, so far this year. It has been easiest for me with a new baby in the house to just request titles from these series than hunt for new ones. Like I said, though, the series are mostly exhausted, and it is time to get back to finding new authors to love! When we find them, I promise to share!

Hope, the O.R., & Buckeye Balls

2010-12-14T14:00:00.072-05:00

December 1 - One Word.

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Hope. There has been hope in new life for the first time in forever. After five long years of waiting, we welcomed our little Christopher in June! We had hoped to get out of Miami and return home to Texas, and that hope was realized in August. Now, we simply have hope to settle into this new reality and focus on love and life. I have hope we can become the kind of family we have always dreamed of being!

December 2 - Writing.

What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

I waste time. Often I wander around my Google Reader or email without really accomplishing anything when I could easily write a quick post (or sometimes even a longer one). I think I need to set goals for each time I sit down at the computer. Once or twice a day, respond to email. Once or twice a day, go through my reader. Once a day, work on the blog. I am certain this will involve a timer each time, but I have resisted that restriction no matter how many times I hear it helps another writer.

December 3 – Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

WARNING: A little graphic... the O.R. during my c-section.

I know it is crazy to choose this, but my experience was so drastically different from my first c-section that it was very vivid in a great way. The room was, of course, freezing cold, full of silver metal stuff, and brighter than anything ever could be! The only smell I remember was when they were making the incision, as my first one was not done with a cauterizing scalpel (is that even what they call it?). Yes, it smells like something is burning. Anyway, the voices were all positive and comforting.

My OB was very serious but loving, especially after while she was closing me when she told me I needed to do crunches daily after recovery due to my muscle atrophy! I was silent. She thought she offended me at first, but I was just trying to figure out how to respond. No, I have not been doing the crunches daily. The anesthesiologist, who probably thought someone already gave me some happy drugs, had a kind, almost playful voice and laughed at my silly jokes. My husband did not say much; he just held my hand, and I do remember that.

You do not see much during a c-section except the drape in front of you, which kept falling into my face. It was blue with dark spots on the opposite side (blood spatter). I remember my arms were cold, because they were stretched out with the IVs and other cords. Moving them to push the drape out of my face warmed them more than the warm blankets the anesthesiologist kept draping over them.

I was overjoyed when I saw my precious boy. He didn't look very good (a little blue from the cord being wrapped and quite bloody) but screamed loudly, proclaiming he was just fine. More than seeing him, though, was the moment they put him in my arms. I do not remember looking at him then. I know I looked at a camera, because we have a picture. But, I think, I closed my eyes. I just felt so very alive holding that newborn, screaming his head off, and full of such joy that God would bless me with this precious baby. My healthy body had carried yet another life to full term when before and during my pregnancies, there were so many doubts.

That moment was me. alive.
And, I stayed alive even after Daddy took the little man to the nursery. They sewed me up, and I laughed with the doctors and nurses. I declined the happy drugs to help me relax (read: put me to sleep), because I wanted to treasure every moment and keep feeling alive. Waiting to see my baby again was agonizing, but I simply was too full of joy to complain. During suturing, the assistant cut the knot, so my OB had to start over. She apologized. I giggled. It just seemed funny that such a simple mistake was made with such a serious surgery.

The tech who put the tape on my bandage was brutal. I remember thinking she was putting duck tape on to hold me together, but I smiled and tried to talk with her. Even the doctor who took off my bandage (with me squirming/climbing the bed in pain) remarked how much tape was used (and the pain was not from the incision but from the tape pulling at my skin). I was scraping off adhesive for weeks (literally) afterwards.

I was on cloud nine a few hours later when big brother and big sister came by to meet brother. What amazing joy! But, my moment was lying on the table, holding my newborn son for the first time. Both of us were so alive!

December 4 – Wonder.

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

Since Christopher has been born, I have been simply gazing at my children more often. All three of them. Just looking at their faces, their smiles, into their eyes. I listen to what they say with genuine interest and am in awe of each one of them. Christopher is just the smiley-est baby I have ever met (I often am tempted to tell strangers not to feel special, since he smiles at everyone!), and his innocent smiles from day one have just captivated my heart and begged me to pay attention. This has been such a gift from God to remind me to pay attention to Therese and John Bosco, as well. I see God's miraculous creations and am in awe.

December 5 – Let Go.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I could go two ways with this, but I think it is somehow all one anyway. In the spring, there was a huge division within our Catholic homeschooling support group. Several families contemplated leaving the group due to some misunderstandings and differences of opinion with the leadership. In the midst of the conflict, before anything was resolved, my husband and I made the choice to leave the group. At the time, we did not know we were moving to Texas, but it seemed that there were too many in the group whose lives, beliefs, and goals were vastly different from our own. We cut off ties completely with the group, and merely kept in contact with our close friends, a handful of families. Of course, a few months later, to our dismay, we learned we would be leaving those friends, too.

I have no regrets with how this all played out for me. I made the apologies that needed to be made and prayed for those who never offered their own. Separating from the conflict completely allowed my family to focus on the joyful birth of our son and not get caught in further emotional distress. And, as a result, we became even closer to our true friends, making our move more difficult, but also preserving some beautiful memories in those few short months, allowing me to look back fondly on all of my time there.

December 6 – Make.

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Do Christmas candies count? I made buckeye balls for my children's co-op teachers on Wednesday, using my grandmother's recipe. My mother makes these every Christmas, and I have carried on the tradition. They are made to look like the buckeye nut, which grows in Ohio where she was born and raised. These decadent treats are peanut butter, powdered sugar, butter, and vanilla formed into balls and dipped in melted chocolate. I used my ancient cheap hand mixer and did not break it (I have broken two making buckeyes in years past; the dough can get thick). I do need to make a few more batches and some St. Nicholas chocolates, but I am waiting until the stomach bug passes our family before making treats to give away! My father in law, in particular, cannot wait for these goodies each year. I am told they disappear within a day or two, even when hidden in the freezer under the meat!

December 7 – Community.

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

Most obviously, I have found community here in our new home. We have joined three Catholic homeschooling groups since moving here, and each one has welcomed us and created community for us in different ways. I have chosen to join a women's study at one of our co-ops in order to more deeply connect with those women on a spiritual level. I also hope to continue my monthly mom's breakfasts in order to share the more practical connection we have as Catholic homeschooling mothers.

more to come...

Reverberations 2010

2010-12-14T09:00:00.000-05:00

Somehow I discovered Gretchen Rubin's blog The Happiness Project before I heard about her book The Happiness Project. (I'm a little slow sometimes) And, I hope to post about her ideas once I have finished reading her book (next year).

For now, let me just say that I think she is on to something that the rest of the self-help world has mostly missed. Anyway, one of the projects to which she contributes is Reverb 10.

"Reverb 10 (#reverb10) is ... an open online initiative that encourages participants to reflect on this year and manifest what’s next. It’s an opportunity to retreat and consider the reverberations of your year past, and those that you’d like to create in the year ahead. We’re connected by the belief that sharing our stories has the power to change us." (from their website)

I do not tweet, because (I hope) my writing is more reflective and impossible to communicate in 188 characters. (I even had to look up how long a tweet is just now to write that!) And, there is no way I can promise to respond to a prompt every single day, so I did not sign up to officially participate in the project.

Nevertheless, I love their prompts! I found them on December 7 and signed up to receive them in my inbox. Every one begs me to write! In the spirit of self reflection, I am going to respond to their prompts, but in batches here and there. I truly think it is vital for us as Christians, wives, and mothers to pause periodically and ask the Lord what it is he needs from us. If we do not do so, we run the risk of never reaching our potential and regretting what could have been.

Look for my first reverberations soon!

Circle of Silence

2010-12-13T22:22:00.000-05:00

My year to consider silence has neared its end and has come full circle. I do not feel I have had any grand epiphanies regarding the role of silence in my life but rather many small yet profound realizations. More on that soon.

My Advent companion has been this gem - A Woman Wrapped in Silence by John Lynch. It is an epic poem, published in 1968, and while I have never yet finished it, I keep coming back to it every few years and beginning again. Here's why:

This was a little child who knew not man,
Nor life, nor all the needed frauds of life,
Nor any compromise, and when she turned
To raise the earthen jar, and faced the airs
Of Spring, she smiled for young security,
And she was glad. These were her own, these lanes
Of Nazareth. She'd known the slope and feel
Of them for all her years, and they had known
Of her, and she was walking now and was
Familiar, and the well she sought not far
Beyond the clustered houses was so old
It had become a part of permanence.
The sky around it was so clear, serene
With blue, and framed with hills that had been hers
For always, and which lifted up a silence
She had loved. These thresholds were her friends,
These white walls leaning, and the narrow doors,
And she could watch the shadows and the slant
Of sun, and turn a corner so, and hear
The farther crowing of a cock, and guess
That in the marketplace were dusty sheep
She could not hear; and passing on, she marked
With deeper care that from an opened window
Rose the sound of psalms. She was at home.
These few streets and the ruts in them were home,
And she was sure, and young, and now the others
At the well had called to her, and said
Among them it was Mary who had come.

You can read more (but not all) at Google Book here: A Woman Wrapped in Silence.

I generally try to reflect on Mary's role in the season of Advent. Last year, that was easy. I was in my first trimester and praising God for feeling so lousy, waiting joyfully for this little one! This year, I was drawn to pull this classic book off my shelf.

[One disclaimer - as I said I have yet to read it cover to cover, and it does not have an imprimatur; it was published by Paulist Press, and I have seen a few goofy things from them. So, read intelligently, my dear readers.]

The first few pages (quoted above) provide me with days of food for meditation. I have always been one of those women who have a hard time turning to Mary. As a mother, I am told, it makes sense to turn to her, because she knows what we endure. But, I know she can't know all of it. She was Created without sin. I wasn't. Boy howdy, I was not! And my children? Well, they are most certainly not God! I mostly feel like Kate's nana.

Yet, with these poetic words, Our Mother is finally accessible to me. I can picture her as a real person, with a personality (whether Lynch's description of hers is accurate or not is inconsequential to me). I can close my eyes and know she really lived on this earth and is not merely some foggy figure I imagine in prayer.

Once upon a time, in deep prayer (I was on a retreat), I was begging Jesus to bring me closer to Him. He seemed far away, as if down a distant, dark hallway. There was always space between us, even though I was moving forward and He was standing still. It was then I realized that I need help. I cannot get to Jesus all by myself. Out of the corner of my mind's eye, I saw Mary (okay, it was really a fuzzy light, but I knew what my imagination was trying to see) approaching me. As I recalled her role in leading us to Christ, I imagined her taking me by the elbow, much like someone would lead a blind person, and guiding me towards Jesus.

Since then, this is how I see Mary. She is loving, as Kate says, the Cause of Our Joy! Her generous heart leads us to her Son always, no matter our failings and weaknesses. She is always there waiting, kindly, lovingly, to help us grow in holiness. Lynch's words of peace and joy that Mary lived are how she hopes to nourish this mother's heart and yours, as well.

This Advent, if you have not done so already, take some time to be with Mary, in the reading of this poem or some other way. Get to know her better. She will lead you to her Son this Christmas.

Measuring Success

2010-12-07T17:23:00.000-05:00

Gospel for the Second Sunday of Advent, Cycle A
Matthew 3:1-12

John the Baptist appeared, preaching in the desert of Judea
and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!”
It was of him that the prophet Isaiah had spoken when he said:
A voice of one crying out in the desert,
Prepare the way of the Lord,
make straight his paths.
John wore clothing made of camel’s hair
and had a leather belt around his waist.
His food was locusts and wild honey.
At that time Jerusalem, all Judea,
and the whole region around the Jordan
were going out to him
and were being baptized by him in the Jordan River
as they acknowledged their sins.
When he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees
coming to his baptism, he said to them, “You brood of vipers!
Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath?
Produce good fruit as evidence of your repentance.
And do not presume to say to yourselves,
‘We have Abraham as our father.’
For I tell you,
God can raise up children to Abraham from these stones.
Even now the ax lies at the root of the trees.
Therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit
will be cut down and thrown into the fire.
I am baptizing you with water, for repentance,
but the one who is coming after me is mightier than I.
I am not worthy to carry his sandals.
He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.
His winnowing fan is in his hand.
He will clear his threshing floor
and gather his wheat into his barn,
but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire.”

Measuring Success

Inspiration for this post came from our deacon's homily at Mass on Sunday...well, the part of it I heard anyway! He is a fiery preacher, and he asked us to look at St. John the Baptist's life. He wandered without a home, preaching throughout the region, inspiring many to think he was crazy, wearing a camel's hair coat (scratchy), and eating locusts and honey (the honey to make the locusts not so gross, right?). He eventually had his head cut off by a dancing girl who wanted to impress her mother.

Yet, Jesus says, "Amen, I say to you, among those born of women there has been none greater than John the Baptist." (Matthew 11:11) Wow. It hit me once again that God's success stories are nothing like the success stories of this world! This echoed what I had been told in Confession the day before - stop being so hard on yourself; it sounds like you are actually doing quite well.

This world puts value on tangible accomplishments. Even my beloved husband and I are tempted to beg for a job with fewer hours and more pay (aren't we all?), but I silently remind myself that these things cannot measure our success. Our success cannot be measured by our time or money or things but by how we spend the time and money and use the things!

I actually have a bit of a complex about always needing to do more/better and never being satisfied with my own efforts. Call it perfectionism if you want, but I have long given up the illusion that anything I do can ever be perfect (since I'm not God). My issue is more in line with what most mothers eventually realize - our work is never, ever done. There is rarely a tangible way to measure our success as mothers, especially those of us who homeschool and choose informal evaluations over tests and grades.

So, I am hoping to keep in mind St. John and Jesus' high praise for him these busy days of Advent. That I stifled the urge to scream at my children one more time is a success in God's eyes. Jesus would be pleased that I sat down for ten minutes this morning as the baby slept to journal with Him rather than fold that pile of laundry at my feet. I choose to look each of my children in the eyes and genuinely smile at least once a day, and that pleases the Lord. We read a story about sacrifice and talk about how giving and receiving gifts at Christmas is truly about Jesus Christ.

For even if I sleep in my clothes and eat cold french fries (from yesterday) for lunch, but manage to read the a Jesse tree Bible story to my children and say the Angelus at lunch for the first time in ages, I can be successful today. Focus on Christ. That is success. Just like John the Baptist. Not that I did those first two things today. Not me. {innocently blinking}

Let Them In

2010-12-07T16:06:00.000-05:00

When I wrote this post a bit ago, I expected some people to fuss at me, either silently to themselves or "out loud" in the comment box. Maybe you did. How could I be so exclusive? How could I not welcome anyone God puts in my path?

Elizabeth shares how important it truly is to share with others as inspired by the Holy Spirit, because this can lead to deeper faith. These are not the kind of encounters to which I meant to refer. When I meet someone new or when I happen to encounter someone in my daily life, I do try to reach out to them for that moment. I cannot stress how important this is, because we cannot turn away when the Jesus in Others needs us!

My post was specifically intended to explain how I feel about my closest friendships, the ones I devote time and effort to nourishing. And, I felt like maybe I needed to clarify that one more time. Please do not turn away from those who need you today. Okay, now I feel better.

You Might Be a Homeschooling Mom If...

2010-12-01T10:53:00.000-05:00

You tell your wiggly 5 yo son to write just two words neatly in his handwriting book and then do two somersaults. Write two more words beautifully and jump five times. Write two more near-perfect words and do three jumping jacks. Etc... (and it works!!!)

Opening My Eyes to Jesus

2010-11-29T16:40:00.001-05:00

This blog started as a place for me to post reflections on the Sunday Gospels, as I noticed myself struggling to pay attention to them. Like most mothers of young children, getting through Mass takes an incredible amount of mental focus and awareness, and most of that is wasted on ensuring the children do not climb the pews or shriek into the echoing vastness of our church! But, it seemed appropriate to try this again, at least here and there, as we enter a new liturgical year.

Gospel for the First Sunday of Advent, Cycle A
Matthew 24:37-44

Jesus said to his disciples:
“As it was in the days of Noah,
so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.
In those days before the flood,
they were eating and drinking,
marrying and giving in marriage,
up to the day that Noah entered the ark.
They did not know until the flood came and carried them all away.
So will it be also at the coming of the Son of Man.
Two men will be out in the field;
one will be taken, and one will be left.

Two women will be grinding at the mill;

one will be taken, and one will be left.

Therefore, stay awake!

For you do not know on which day your Lord will come.
Be sure of this: if the master of the house

had known the hour of night when the thief was coming,

he would have stayed awake
and not let his house be broken into.
So too, you also must be prepared,
for at an hour you do not expect, the Son of Man will come.”

Open Your Eyes

Most homilies I hear on this Gospel appropriately focus on the Second Coming. We are asked to consider if we are truly prepared for Christ's return. Are we living our daily lives as if He could come any moment? This reading is selected for Advent, because the entire season is devoted to preparing ourselves for Jesus's Coming, both in the Incarnation and the Final Judgment.

As I reflect on this Gospel today, however, I find a simpler message. It is a simple reminder to stay awake every moment of every day for the ways Christ comes to me in my daily life. This Advent, I want to prepare my heart in prayer each morning to receive Him each day in every little way, whether that be joyous or inconvenient.

Do I see Him when my children wake me up before dawn? Do I hear Him when I hear a child cry out in frustration? Do I speak to Him when the child interrupts me for the fifth time? Do I touch Him when one child needs an extra long cuddle despite the mountain of laundry to fold? (do you see a theme here?)

Do I answer the phone when I see it is the mom who "needs to talk" one more time? Do I smile at my husband and throw my arms around his neck when he returns very late at night from a difficult work day? Do I reach out to a family member who deserves my attention but is often ignored? Do I speak kindly and smile to each cashier, server, or stranger I encounter while running countless errands? (where else can we find Christ?)

I have determined I must see Christ in my children this Advent. My too frequent sharp tongue and my sometimes stiff arms need to melt away and be replaced with gentleness. I am asking Our Lord to prepare my heart to be ready to receive Him in all ways, but especially through my children. Their innocence, their inspiring faith, and their unconditional love are the same as His. I welcome Him in them. How will you open your eyes to see Him?

'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me.'

Happy Tears

2010-11-26T14:48:00.005-05:00

I disappeared for a while, preparing to host Thanksgiving dinner for my family (first time as a married woman), but everyone is on their way home, and I needed to sit down! So, hello again! I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving! I did. Good food, loving family, great wine, crisp weather, and an Aggie W made for the perfect day!!!!!

In the past 24 hours, three random things have brought joyful mistiness to my eyes. I tend to think that these types of tears are always inspired by that which is true, good, and beautiful, the ancient criteria to prove something comes from God, our awesome Creator.

I am curious. What causes happy tears for you? Are those things true, good, and beautiful?

Exhibit 1.

This:

Exhibit 2

Seeing a good friend's beautiful baby bump for the first time (in a picture on FB)! I last saw her over the summer when she first announced her pregnancy. She just looks gorgeous! (this isn't her, but you get the idea)

Exhibit 3

Watching Therese and John in their pjs snuggle with grandma, grandpa, uncle J, and good books in my living room! Is there anything better? I turned to my husband and said, "This is why we moved back to Texas."

True. Good. Beautiful.

BFFs

2010-11-19T17:14:00.000-05:00

Friendships. This has been on my mind a lot lately even before I read Elizabeth's column on Facebook friends. Leslie touched on some of my thoughts lately, as well, and I can especially identify with her admission - "I'm the sort of person who's skin crawls at the thought of prolonged superficiality." Me, too!

Ever since middle school, I have had many acquaintances but only two to three true friends in each season of my life. You probably can call to mind those who were your BFFs. In middle school, I remember Jennifer, Andrea, and Stacey. In high school, I had Wendy and Emily. In college, they were Gina and Terri. One summer, Rachel became my pal. Early marriage, I found Margaret and Stephanie (more mentors than friends, actually). As a new mother, I was inspired by Lauren and Mary. In law school, God sent Katie, Kate, and Carolyn (then Lauren). In Florida, I met Cristina, Mimi, and Theresa. All so special!

My personality is such that new conversations either get deep really fast or die even faster. I like to get to know other people really well. So, by our second one-on-one conversation, we are either forever friends, polite acquaintances, or waving goodbye. This doesn't mean I will not invite groups of acquaintances to hang out (like at our recent Mom's Breakfast), but my forever friends are the ones I make a point to enjoy their company regularly!

Anyway, the reasons I have been pondering friendships are that we just moved to a new city where I only knew a handful of people, and I am gladly enduring another babyhood phase of my life in which free time is nonexistent. I admitted yesterday to a friend, IRL on FB (that feels so hip to type!), that I realized I am and feel I must be very guarded with my choices of friends in this season of life. My rationale appears quite selfish, but I am okay with that. What I am trying to do is put my family first, because if mama ain't happy...

My guidelines for making new friends IRL (so, dearest friends who are already loved and do not fit one or more of these, I will not leave you) are the following:

1. She must not require a lot of time from me. Honestly, God has filled my hands with homeschooling and raising three amazing children while seeking my own holiness and my beloved husband's. I do not have time for weekly play dates or daily chats on the phone, much less a more mature dessert, wine, or coffee date. If we are going to spend time together, it is going to be with my children. Therefore...

2. I must like her children and like them enough to want them to be friends with my children. If this is true, I know we have something in common. We have high expectations for the behavior and holiness of our children. Our children are our life and our vocation. Leading to...

3. She has to be a ~~stay-at-home~~ homeschooling mom. Honestly, my time is so precious that if I am going to spend time that is intended to nourish me, I need to spend time with someone who spends her time in a similar way each day, who faces similar joys and challenges, and who can relate to my lifestyle choices, giving me sound advice, support, and encouragement. Consequently...

4. It would be ideal if she is a strong Catholic in love with the Truth of Holy Mother Church. My faith is such an integral part of my life that I want my intimate relationships to include that faith. During this season of my life, I do not feel called to defend my faith on a regular basis. Religion is such a sacred, personal topic that to delve into deep conversation with anyone of faith automatically involves his/her beliefs. Sure, I could agree to disagree with someone on some things, but if it is a central Truth of my life, I would always feel uncomfortable truly sharing my heart.

Disclaimer: Yes, it is healthy to have friends who see things differently. No, I am not opposed to being friends with someone the Lord puts in my path who does not meet my guidelines. That is why they are guidelines not requirements! I am speaking here of those women I seek out specifically for friendship.

What do you think? Am I being too picky? Do you understand my reasoning? Are you happy with your circle of friends? What guidelines do you follow for carefully choosing friends? (and, let us talk soon about how to teach your children to choose friends carefully!)

On a Lighter Note...

2010-11-18T00:13:00.000-05:00

I know I am way behind on loving this lady, but I am looking forward to watching her Thanksgiving feast on Throwdown with Bobby Flay, which I DVR'd tonight (can I say that?). Even her announcement of the show is typically hilarious! It is too late now for me to properly enjoy a cooking show, but I felt like writing a quick post to make sure all of you have savored at least one or two or seven recipes from my very first favorite cook.

Actually, I almost titled this post "How I Am Becoming My Mother," but then you would probably think I was going to post about how I speak to my children. No, in that regard, I am nothing like my mother. Her voice was always calm and gentle in my recollection.

My mother does, however, love to cook and has watched cooking shows as long as I can remember. Every once in a while, I will turn one on, but not until today have I actually looked forward to watching a cooking show in advance. Unfortunately, I admit this is resulting in near panic as I plan the menu for Thanksgiving, because my mom is coming. And she insists I do it all "my way," whatever that is!

The reason I am excited about seeing the Pioneer Woman cook? Well, besides the fact that Mrs. Drummond is absolutely hilarious and a fellow homeschooling mom, my family has liked every recipe I have tried from her cookbook. Yes, every single one. Now, I have not tried them all, because I do not actually own the cookbook. yet. Sad, isn't it? I had it from the Miami Public Library for a month, and it is currently my turn at our new local library. My daughter suggested I put it on my Christmas wish list, but adults in our family do not get gifts anymore, except for the homemade scissors-paper-glue kind, which are the best ones anyway.

Wow. It is late, and I am rambling. My point? Buy her cookbook: The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Recipes from an Accidental Country Girl. Check it out from your local library. Visit her online. Catch the replay of Throwdown at 7PM ET this Saturday. You will love how simple she makes preparing such yummy foods, and your family will love her food!

Grace & Peace,

Antonina

My Horrible Wedding Week

2010-11-17T14:37:00.000-05:00

This post was very difficult to begin writing, but once I started, I could not stop. I apologize in advance for the lengthiness. Please know I could have written much, much more.

I could not post yesterday, although I intended to do so and had the time available. You see, this week is probably the hardest week for me every year, and what is on my mother's heart these days is tough to put into words. This Saturday, my beloved husband and I will celebrate eleven years of marriage! We were married on a Saturday, so this year it is particularly easy to remember each day leading up to our wedding.

Now, do not get me wrong. My beloved husband and I are very happy together. We have a wonderful marriage. These eleven years have been full of great challenges and great rejoicing, but we both know the same as we did when we began our friendship that we are called to lead one another to holiness. The Lord has most certainly given us many opportunities to do so, beginning with this week eleven years ago.

That week, my husband switched careers. I lost my grandmother who was living alone in Pennsylvania suddenly in a tragic accident on Tuesday evening. Living in College Station after both graduating from Texas A&M University, we were intimately involved in the horrifying Bonfire Collapse on Thursday. And, after all that, we still ~~had to get~~ got married.

The Job

My beloved husband's first love was being a police officer. At the time he was looking, however, hiring was limited, and he took the job he could get, working midnights in the county jail. So, part of my marriage discernment was whether or not I could be "a cop's wife," because that life has its unique crosses. Obviously, I had agonized over this but eventually concluded it was God's will I marry this man.

Then, he surprised me a few weeks before our wedding with a job opportunity at our university student center. Easier hours, great pay, and he wanted to serve God in this way. My beloved husband is a convert to Catholicism, coming into the Church at the student center just months before we began our friendship. On fire for his faith as most converts are, this was his chance to give back to the community that had brought him home to Holy Mother Church.

He announced the job change to our friends and family at our wedding reception, as the details had only been finalized the past few days. This huge, life-altering decision happened rather quickly amidst all the wedding preparations. At the time, I left it up to him, because I had already discerned to accept the harder road. This change would just make it easier for me, I thought. Regret is probably too strong of a word, but there are times, I know, he wishes he never made that career switch.

Tuesday Night

On Tuesday evening I called my mother, as planned, to finalize her trip down the next day to help me with remaining wedding preparations. My father answered, clearly sobbing, only the second time I remember such open emotion from him. He was confused why I was calling, because he was in the midst of phone calls between his only brother in Florida and the police in Pennsylvania (he lives in Texas).

Apparently, Grandma, physically in pretty good shape for her age but suffering from other issues for many years, had run into the street at night while unloading groceries from her trunk. The police speculated that perhaps a receipt or her hat blew into the street, and she chased it. There was no time for the car to stop, and she died instantly.

I only was able to get a few details from Dad before he had to get off the phone to allow the police and funeral home to call him back. My fiance and matron of honor sat with me, as we prayed and wondered if the wedding should go on, could go on.

It was not until late that night, I believe, that Dad called me and said I still had to get married on Saturday, that it was what she would have wanted, for me to be happy. They arranged to wait until the following Monday for the funeral. My family flew directly from my wedding to Pennsylvania. I went on my honeymoon as planned, too, honoring my new husband and leaving behind father and mother. It was what everyone else wanted me to do, and it was right but not what I would have chosen.

Because of Grandma's instability, she no longer traveled and was not planning on attending my wedding, but I was her favorite granddaughter (okay, I was her only granddaughter, but she certainly treated me like her favorite). She and I always had a special connection, even before the scary afternoon I saved her from choking to death when I was a teenager. So, a small part of me believed and still believes that the only way my grandmother could attend my wedding was in spirit, and with her physical body and mind no longer holding her back, in death, she was with me in the church on Saturday.

Thursday Morning

Every Aggie still close to Aggieland, remembers where they were when they learned Bonfire fell. For us, it comes close to "Where were you when the Challenger fell?" but, of course, is only a faint whisper to "Where were you when the towers fell?" My phone rang early, before seven, I think. It was for my matron of honor, who was staying in my guest room down the hall. I found it odd, her study partner calling at 6AM, but I stumbled down the hall and told her the phone was for her. After a few minutes, she came and climbed into bed with me (not weird, best friends do that) and told me Bonfire had fallen. and. people. were. trapped. inside.

She had already called her husband and parents to let them know, but they were out of town. I remember holding my breath, but not knowing why, while I waited for my fiance to pick up the phone where he was staying across town. Later, I would learn he had decided after saying good night to me around midnight that he would stop at his temporary home to change and then go out to Bonfire. He had never been to "stack" before (that's what they called putting all the logs on the tower), and he was inspired by the imminent loss of his bachelorhood to do something uber-manly.

Well, thanks to God and to Mike, he picked up that phone in the morning and told me he was on his way, finally, out to "stack." But, he was not going to work, as he had planned. Mike had been home when my beloved stopped by, and they started talking. And fortunately, the unlikely happened. They gabbed until the wee hours of the morning, and my beloved never made it out to work on "stack." They remember hearing the sirens, learning shortly afterwards about the tragedy.

My beloved still went out to Bonfire that day, but he went to work security. Even though he had switched careers, he still maintained a reserve capacity and went to lend aid. Mostly, he worked the perimeter, keeping onlookers out of the way of the emergency crews. The things he saw that day and into the next night as the experts worked to rescue whomever was left alive under those enormous logs were horrifying. At home, we kept the television on, rejoicing as they recovered the injured Aggies and crying as they released the names of the deceased. My bridesmaid's luncheon was surreal as we gurgled wine at a local winery, wearing maroon and white ribbons to honor the fallen.

I know most of my readers will not understand why a big bonfire was so important. At Texas A&M, Bonfire was one of those things that holds people together. If you have ever been to some sort of survival, team-building, or leadership seminar, conference, or retreat, you have a taste of what bonds can be formed by such work. Bonfire united Aggies to a common purpose, one that externally seems sophomoric, but one that strengthened each individual who took part in any way. So, when stack fell, it was more than just a tragedy where lives were lost. It was a devastating blow to the strength of each Aggie.

Saturday

Yes, we still had to get married after all this, mostly because God said so. That's a post for another day, though, how the Lord put it on my heart to seek a friendship with this particular young man and made it so obvious to both of us we were supposed to get married. Anyway, we had to get married, because death is a part of life. Entering our marriage, we knew that no one is a stranger to tragedy. It is all around us, and it is unavoidable.

But, this week is still hard. I remember the awkward moments, trying to celebrate our new life together amidst chaos. I remember the terrifying moments, not fully understanding what was happening or why. Mostly, I remember going through that week in a fog until Saturday morning. My precious gift of organization was supremely important to even get us to Saturday morning. In fact, every anniversary when we watch parts of our wedding video, I am reminded of our priest's amazement at my preparedness.

I woke up early the day of my wedding. Who doesn't? And, I had everything done. Maybe not so common? There was no racing around at the last minute. Everything was on schedule, but I was early. So, I sat down at the computer and changed my hotmail from my maiden name to my married name and emailed everyone in my address book about the change, including Fr. Mike, who was at that moment preparing his homily for our nuptial mass and heard the "ding!" telling him he had a new message.

What he told the witnesses gathered was that I was the most organized person he had ever met and that he had never (yet) met a bride who had extra time to change her email the morning of her wedding. (Remember, this was eleven years ago, before Facebook and iPhones!) He thanked God for my gift of organization and the ways I had used that gift to serve our university parish. And, let me stress, dear reader, organization does come easily to me only because it is a gift from God, and with such gifts comes great responsibility. (another topic for another time - why I am more at fault for disorganization than the average person)

What Fr. Mike did not say was what I only now realize looking back on that morning. The extra time I had, to take a bath and change my email, was an opportunity for me to go from mourning to rejoicing, to put things in perspective and truly focus on the grace I was about to receive with my new husband in the sacrament of holy matrimony. For, I had gone to bed after seeing my florist scrambling to squeeze in my flowers amidst the dozens of requests for sympathy arrangements and gathering to pray a rosary for my deceased grandmother and those fallen Aggies. I remember tears on my pillow, but I awoke to a new day and a new life.

Our wedding day still had drops of sorrow amidst the joy. In the church, someone placed a framed picture of Grandma next to the white candle I requested be burning on a window ledge during the wedding. Our ushers wore maroon and white ribbons, honoring the fallen Aggies. Fr. Mike included a special prayer for my grandmother's soul during the Prayers of the Faithful. From the top of the tower where our reception was held, we could see the carefully dismantled logs that once were Bonfire.

Everything

In all this, as in everything, God was there. I was grateful not to have to ask where He was in all this tragedy. My faith insisted and many outward signs of friends and strangers indicated that he did not abandon us in our hour of need. And, he has continued to stand by me, no matter what. Despite my own sorrows, I have always felt a confidence in the continuing presence of God. I just know He is working through all things for good. He does not leave us. He walks beside us in all things and tries to pull us closer to Him and, therefore, to each other.

Grandma, I miss you. You inspire me to make my children's relationships with their grandparents a priority. To the Aggie 12, you will always be remembered. I will never forget you, even though I did not know even one of you personally. Dad, thank you for pushing past your grief to celebrate my marriage and insist I do the same. Mike, thank you for being a great friend to my beloved husband and unknowingly preserving him from harm.

My beloved, I love you more every day. Thank you for everything. Yes, everything.

May the souls of the faithfully departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Grace & peace,
Antonina

Whoopy once, whoopy twice, whoopy chicken soup with rice!

2010-11-15T17:36:00.000-05:00

I am passing out the chicken soup today! One of my littles has a nasty cold, and I do not want it coursing through the family right before Thanksgiving visitors arrive. Admittedly, the lunch menu was chicken ramen, because it was all I had. But, I am working on something better for dinner! Maybe we'll dig out Chicken Soup with Rice, too!

Anyway, having one in bed (self-imposed) today actually enabled the rest of us to accomplish so much in school! I have been struggling lately with how long it takes for us to accomplish a day of schoolwork. A plan that should take two to three hours is easily taking five or six, because of the interruptions, mostly from the baby. And, one of the reasons I love the idea of homeschooling is avoiding wasting my children's childhoods and giving them regular time to play outside and inside imaginatively for long periods of time.

But, we are not getting that these days if I want to get school "done." Is that acceptable to me? I am still trying to decide. Some days we plow through and do all the work. Some days I give up and send them off to play. Both are probably good, in balance, right? This season in life will pass, and someday we will be able to finish school before lunch as Charlotte Mason recommends (and I believe is preferable).

For now, though, only on sick days will we get it all done. Of course, that actually means that only half of my students (I only have two) did any work at all today. So, we did not really get it call done, and that realization makes the day seem not quite as successful in hindsight. (although I should add that I mostly kept the large volume of work enjoyable, which is an accomplishment in itself!)

My point in sharing this with you, however, is to ask you - How long does it take you to get schoolwork done at each grade level and how much time do your children get to "just play" each day? I certainly want the proper balance, rather than all or nothing, and I would prefer that balance NOT include sick days!

Did I mention that to plow through the work and cope with the cold meant that I still have not showered? LOL! My beloved husband will be home in an hour or two, so it is definitely time to get clean!

Grace & Peace,
Antonina

The Season of Coming (Advent) Is Coming!

2010-11-14T23:34:00.000-05:00

(I know, the post title is pretty cheesy - that's my mood tonight!)

Advent begins two weeks from today! Are you ready? Do you have a beautiful binder like Dawn put together in which to keep track of all of your seasonal stuff? Are your plans ready? Do you need some inspiration to get started or to finish up your plans? I did!

Here is my post of ideas from last year, and this link will take you to all of my Advent posts. Every year is unique, however, and I had a special treat to motivate me.

Yesterday morning I basked in the delightful conversation of five wonderful women! We had breakfast with the intention of sharing Advent and Christmas ideas, and boy, did we ever share! I laughed to myself near the end of the meeting, as I realized we had covered nearly all of the 48 bullet points that I had ambitiously typed in our discussion starter handout!

Ideas for Advent in Our Domestic Churches
• Solemnity of Christ the King
• Thanksgiving
• Advent Wreath
• Advent Calendar
• Activity/Action Calendar
• Daily Prayers
• Jesse Tree
• O Antiphons/Novena (Dec. 17-23)
• Candles in Windows
• Christ Candle
• Purple Bows/Red Bows on Wreaths
• Christmas Lights
• Christmas Trees
• Nativity Sets
• Poinsettias
• Greenery & Holly
• Stockings (Jesus Stocking)
• Angel/Giving Trees
• Shoeboxes
• Advent Angels in the Home
• Straw in the Manger
• Sending Cards
• Receiving Cards
• Buying & Giving Gifts
• Making Gifts
• Making & Baking Goodies
• Christmas Mosaic
• Book a Day
• Lapbooks
• Christkindl Letters
• Music/Hymns/Carols
• Crafts
• Unit Studies
• Feast of St. Andrew – 11/30
• St. Francis Xavier – 12/3
• St. Nicholas (opt.) – 12/6
• St. Ambrose – 12/7
• Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception – 12/8
• St. Juan Diego (opt.) – 12/9
• Our Lady of Guadalupe – 12/12 (Sunday)
• St. Lucy – 12/13
• St. John of the Cross – 12/14
• Twelve Days of Christmas – 12/25 - 1/5
• Feast of the Holy Family – 12/26 (Sunday)
• Feast of St. John – 12/27
• Feast of the Holy Innocents – 12/28
• Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God – 1/1
• Epiphany of the Lord – 1/2 (Sunday)

We covered it all, and then some, encouraging one another to not overwhelm ourselves or our children but to truly make this liturgical season meaningful. To begin our discussion, I read aloud the beautiful piece by Jennifer Mackintosh from Wildflowers and Marbles titled "Preparing Our Hearts for Him: A Reflection on Nesting with Our Lady" printed in the recently released FREE electronic edition of mater et magistra, but more on that article another day! I just think it is amazing how each of these external practices can do so much to lead us closer to Christ if they truly come from the heart.

In case there is something on the above list with which you are not familiar or you are in need of inspiration for sharing one of these traditions with your family, below are the links used to compile the above list and shared in our breakfast discussion. Perhaps you will find some new idea to bring the joy of anticipation to your domestic church.

Links for Inspiration and Quality Resources
Fridge Art Ideas from DomesticChurch.com
Weekly Coloring Pages, Lesson Plans, and More at Catholic Mom
Jessica's Liturgical Posts at Shower of Roses
Charlotte's Beautiful Coloring Pages for Feast Days
Charlotte's Amazing Advent Posts at Waltzing Matilda
Articles, Prayers, and More at Women for Faith & Family
The Awesome St. Nicholas Center
Maria Von Trapp's Inspiring Advent Thoughts
Karen's No-Panic Advent Series
Advent Lapbook PDF Download for Sale
Lacy's Collection of Links at Catholic Icing
Mary Ellen's O Night Divine Blog
Free Christmas Around the World Lapbook
Free Issue of Mater et Magistra on Advent
Meaningful Recipes for the Season at Catholic Cuisine
Samaritan Purse's Operation Christmas Child
Holy Heroes Sign Up for Free Advent Adventures Daily Emails
Illuminated Ink's Jesse Tree Ornament Kit
Our Sunday Visitor's Free Jesse Tree Coloring Pages
Tomie de Paola Free Online Advent Unit Study
Elizabeth's Real Learning Advent Lesson Plans
Cay's Information About Christmas Mosaic Including Booklist
Christmas Mosaic, An Illustrated Book Study for Advent and Christmas by Cay Gibson
Advent Storybook by Antonie Schneider and Advent Storybook Advent Calendar

The Jesse Tree by Geraldine McCaughrean
The Christmas Mystery by Jostein Gaarder
Jotham's Journey: A Storybook for Advent by Arnold Ytreeide

The Way to Bethlehem by Inos Biffi

If you have a favorite resource that I have not shared above, please post it in the comments! There are so many incredible ideas out there that I know I have missed many, but I wanted to share with my readers these examples of meaningful activities and books.

We had such a wonderful time at breakfast that we will likely meet again in December, and you, too, will benefit from that conversation with a blog post about our discussion! As soon as we decide on a topic, I will let you know!

Happy planning!

What It Is and What It Isn't

2010-11-12T23:46:00.000-05:00

I missed you! Writing brings me such joy, and I truly have looked forward to returning to this space.

Of course, if you know me, I had imagined planning it all out ahead of time. I wanted a new layout, background, header, and more, and it was just going to be perfect! Once I finally found the time to seriously plan out my posts, I would launch anew!

But, sometimes, you just throw together what you can and jump in with two feet, even if it isn't at all perfect (or what you had hoped it would be)!

I have written this post in my head over and over. For myself and for my readers, I want to quickly let you know what this blog is and what this blog isn't. That way no one is surprised or bothered by what I do and do not post. And, I will have a clear direction for my writing, while of course being open to inspiration as it comes!

What It Is...

This blog is a personal space. It is a place for me to write what touches my heart, exactly as my sidebar says over there on the right (or is it left? no, it's on the right, for now!). "This blog is about the ways God touches my heart as a Catholic homeschooling wife and mother with the intention of glorifying Him and encouraging other mothers through the joys and struggles of this incredible life." My thoughts are my own and are sincere.

I hope that through my writing, some of you will be encouraged and/or inspired in your vocations as wives and mothers. Secretly, I hope that writing to you will remind me that I am not alone and will encourage me This would work really well if you comment on my posts every now and again! :)

Here you will find thoughts that come to me in prayer, ideas for living the liturgical year, my experiences with homeschooling, practical suggestions for everyday life, what helps me to be a better mother, my favorite resources, and ways the Lord leads me to Him, both joyful and sorrowful. I also enjoy linking to other blogs (my Google Reader is obnoxiously full of much better stuff than I can write) and ~~stealing their ideas~~ writing about similar topics.

Most importantly, this blog is about putting God at the center of everything, most especially my daily life as a wife, mother, and homeschool teacher. As I write, I reflect on what God is saying to me, and I try to pass that on to you. In fact, my "best" form of prayer is almost always journaling. Writing is often how the Lord speaks to/through me. So, part of why I blog is to remind myself to keep Christ in all things each day!

What It Is Not...

You will not see a lot of details about my children, husband, or home. I am a bit paranoid about the online world and like to keep some anonymity, at least for the rest of my family. My pen name is Antonina. I will refer to my Beloved Husband in just those words. I have chosen online saint names for my children - Therese (8), John Bosco (5), and Christopher (5 mo.). We live in Texas. That's about all you need to know to understand me most of the time!

I will be avoiding meme or form posts such as daybooks, small successes, wordless Wednesdays, and 7 quick takes. When I did some of these in the past, they strayed too far from the intentions of my writing and felt forced, rather than led by inspiration.

This is not a place for my public confessions or debates. While I am always honest in my writing, please know that I do not feel it necessary to include the gory details of my worst days here. Hopefully, in being general, I will not give anyone the impression that things are always picture perfect around here. That is very far from the truth! And, these are my thoughts; I do not intend to force them upon anyone. If you disagree, you are welcome to say so, but do not expect me to engage in nor tolerate debating in the comments.

Finally, I am not trying to make money with this blog. I see many opportunities for this these days, but it is not my purpose. I truly do want to use this space as a place to connect with and lift up other moms. Yes, I do book and media reviews for two companies, because they send me free stuff to review (and I'm a bookaholic). I have an Amazon affiliate account, which means if you click there from my site and buy something, they give me a few pennies (again, because I'm a bookaholic). That's it.

Silence

I find it very interesting that I began my blogging year in 2010 reflecting on the virtue and role of silence in my life and then spent approximately half of the year in silence on these pages. The Lord continually amazes me with the simple yet miraculous things he does in my life. These past months have been full of great joy and a sense of wonder about why the Lord of the universe chooses to demonstrate His love for little me in such captivating ways. My journey in faith will not end until I reach my ultimate goal, but I am oh so happy with where He is leading me and how He is refining me along the way!

May you, also, find joy in the ways the Lord urges you to grow in humility, in holiness, in gentleness, in love, as He draws you nearer to Himself. Do you realize that Advent is only two weeks away? What a perfect time for us to hold virtual hands as we start a new liturgical year and step forward in faith to embrace tomorrow's joys and challenges.

Grace & Peace,
Antonina

Hello Again!

2010-11-10T16:27:00.006-05:00

Some inspiring women reminded me today that I need to dust off my gifts, so I've been sprucing up this space and hope to publish my return post in the next day or two! (please kindly tolerate my amateur web design and photography attempts)

Coming Soon!

2010-09-09T16:09:00.004-05:00

To those of you who have asked (2 friends) or silently wondering (all 3 of you!?)... Yes, I will be back to write in this space again! We are finally settled into our new home and are just now settling into our new routines. I need a bit more time to get used to said routines before I can post with any regularity, but the Lord has put in my heart a great desire to get back to blogging. So, please stay tuned. My brain has been mentally writing all summer, and it's anxious to download those thoughts here!

Home Sweet Texas

2010-05-17T17:08:00.005-05:00

Well, even if I had any intention of writing anything more on this blog this summer after our baby boy is born, that notion has now gone out the window. At the end of the summer, we're moving home to Texas! For privacy reasons, I won't say where in Texas, but we are very excited to be moving back.

Texas is home. Texas is special. Texas is unique! We're heading back to grandparents (both sets), godparents (two sets), Uncle J, bluebonnets, Shiner Bock beer, Blue Bell ice cream, Aggies, wide open spaces, cheap housing, cowboy boots, where both our children were born, where we met and married, friendly strangers, true BBQ, sweet tea, country music, two-stepping, rodeos, big hair & mascara, cattle, rednecks, and SO much more!!!

Talk to you in the fall, I hope!

Time to Plan!!!

2010-05-17T16:45:00.003-05:00

Are you finishing up this year and starting to think about what you're teaching next year? Do you already have some idea of how next year will look and are purchasing materials? Are you nowhere near finishing this year and wondering how you will even begin to plan next year? I can help!

Last year, I did a series of webinars for homeschooling families via Homeschool Connections titled Prayerfully Reflecting on Last Year and Prayerfully Planning for Next Year. Those webinars are still available for viewing for FREE!

I believe these webinars were graced by the Holy Spirit and are an excellent way to prepare yourself spiritually for choosing curriculum and making homeschooling plans for each of your children. The best part is you can watch them anytime you wish! So, go check them out.

While you're there, check out the Homeschool Connections course catalogs for junior high and high school classes! These are outstanding Catholic instructors, many of whom I know personally. The classes are interactive and online, and I guarantee your students will benefit from participating. You can even purchase a subscription to view previous courses and have the flexibility for your children to do the lessons at your own pace!

Anyway, here is what I wrote on Heart of a Mother about those webinars and how they came about if you want an explanation before watching. The process is based on the following document, which is extremely helpful even if you don't watch the webinars!

Personal Reflection Survey

I Want a Swagger Wagon!

2010-05-05T14:19:00.003-05:00

I have never wanted a minivan so much in my life! This is almost contraction-inducing hysterical!

Mary IS Everywhere!

2010-05-03T15:56:00.003-05:00

I shared with some friends this afternoon something beautiful my children and I have been doing for the past two years and have started again this year to honor Mary in the month of May. It is called Mary Around the World and was compiled by The Bookworm, a Catholic homeschooling mother in Bedfordshire, England.

I posted about this previously but wanted to put in another description of this woman's lovely idea! "For Mary's month of May, [she has posted] a series of "Our Lady Around the World" posts, taking one image and title of Our Lady daily, each from a different country."

Two years ago, when she did this, I printed out each blog post and put them in a binder. So, each day as we start our schooling with our Morning Basket, we take time to read about an image of Mary, say a prayer to her, and find the country on our world map.

This takes less than five minutes, usually, but has been an inspiring way to remember Our Lady, learn more about her love for us, and throw in a little geography, too! One year we even put small blue dots on each location, and by the end of May it was truly amazing to see how Mary is everywhere, watching over her children.

So, I recommend you head over to these posts (of course, they're in reverse date order) and check them out for yourself. You might want to print out each post, or you could simply visit the blog each day as you share with your children Our Lady's caring presence.

How to Listen to God's Voice

2010-04-25T17:12:00.005-05:00

How did I never notice this before? I was an English teacher. I am a lover of language! Hello?!

Yesterday, our pastor was reminding us how important it is to listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd. He shared profoundly on how we will only be able to fully recognize His voice the more we listen to Him.

He gave the illustration that when his mother calls him on the phone, without looking at the caller ID, within milliseconds he knows it is her and how she is feeling or why she is calling. He has spent years with her in such an intimate relationship that he now knows the heart of his mother through the sound of her voice!

So, too, must we talk to God often in order to know His voice and understand what He wants us to hear. Most specifically, Father reminded us that we must listen to God's voice, and to do that requires silence. Yes, we have to find time to be quiet.

And, here was the profundity in language - take the letters in the word listen, rearrange them, and you get the word silent. I never saw that before yesterday, and I am in awe.

Father went on to remind us that this applies in all of our relationships, with our children, parents, friends, bosses, etc... In order to truly listen to another, we must be quiet. Since I have been reflecting this year on silence, I was especially touched by applying this both anew in my prayer life and with my children.

To listen requires silence. They are made of the same stuff, literally! How cool is that?!

Grateful for His Mercy

2010-04-21T14:39:00.003-05:00

I needed to read this today, and I was nearly sobbing by the end. Hungry for Salvation?

Slowing Down

2010-04-21T14:26:00.003-05:00

Well, as you can see, I went through a burst of posting and now have almost disappeared. I have found that at the end of this 8th month of pregnancy, my brain shuts off somewhere around dinnertime. Preparing early in the day for our evening meal has become more and more of a necessity, in case said neurons hit stop before I have started cooking. Yikes!

Also a necessity has been doing the things that need my brain capacity earlier in the day. After the children are in bed, which is when I usually get to all those little projects and plans on the computer, there is nobody home upstairs, and I simply cannot be intelligent or productive. Therefore, the time in the middle of the day when I usually rest and write has been invaded by things like paying bills and preparing lessons.

Please accept my apologies. From here on out, I am pretty sure my posts will be especially sporadic (although sporadic seems to be my usual mode of blogging). Baby comes out the first week of June, so maybe I'll be posting regularly again by...what do you think?...Christmas? LOL! Of course, nothing complicates our lives like a potential big move at the end of the summer, so maybe Christmas is too optimistic!

Anyway, I'm still here, and I'll post when I can. I have so much I want to share with you circling in my brain! Stick with me. Sign up for email alerts or add me to your reader if you aren't a subscriber already.

God bless!

Loyal Little Flowers

2010-04-13T18:09:00.003-05:00

This post is mostly for the benefit of all the girls who had to miss Friday's meeting (and received their materials in the mail), so no photos or file uploads (yet).

We had another great meeting! The parish where we normally meet was using all their meeting rooms, so we met at the home of one of the girls. Thanks for your generosity! It worked out really well, and the girls were thrilled to get to run around outside before and after the meeting and during snacktime!

Once I pulled them away from the great outdoors, we began in prayer. Instead of speaking right away to the girls about Loyalty, I decided to read them the story about St. Lucy in Sixty Saints for Girls, because I just love those stories SO much! We did talk about the many ways St. Lucy was loyal to her mother and to God.

We talked about to whom we can/should be loyal: friends, family, parents, siblings, schools, pets, religious communities, sports teams, stores, brand names, political candidates, Church, and most importantly God. We discussed what loyalty looks like, and I shared several examples of being loyal or disloyal. I shared how we have to choose carefully to whom or to what to be loyal, as we should not be loyal to those who do not deserve it. And, I tried to explain that being loyal does not mean we do not ever tell on another person. The girls seemed to understand that it is really important to tell an adult in certain circumstances, even if they were told not to do so by a friend or family member.

Then, I had the three rose groups go off to practice and then act out several stories from Bill Bennett's Book of Virtues and Moral Compass anthologies. A mom read the stories out loud for the youngest two groups as they performed, and the oldest group chose narrators to read their own. All groups chose to change the main character to girls instead of boys. :) The stories I chose were: "Hans the Shepherd Boy" (MC), "The Cap That Mother Made" (BoV), and "The Most Precious Thing" (MC). The oldest group had the last story, and they modified it to be two friends living together instead of husband and wife; it worked well!

I explained that our flower is the poppy and read the poem "In Flander's Field," and we talked about the loyalty of soldiers (more info here). This was in preparation for our craft, which we started after snack time. The girls made two poppies from Oriental Trading Company, which are very pretty when finished. On one flower, they put a note or drawing for a veteran to thank him/her for his/her service. I am going to mail these flowers to the VA hospital in town. (those of you who did the craft at home might want to pass along your extra poppies to a soldier or veteran in the family)

When the girls finished their craft, they immediately made their virtue pages (this was because during snack we moved tables into the main room for crafts). Then, we closed our meeting by singing the Scripture song, saying closing prayers, and distributing patches.

We only have one more meeting and then our end of wreath party! I cannot believe it has gone by so quickly! (but I'm pretty glad, as I have less and less energy these days!)

Good Shepherd Garden Parties

2010-04-13T13:42:00.005-05:00

I keep meaning to post about how some of my Catholic homeschooling mama friends and I are celebrating the Garden of the Good Shepherd with our children! When we heard that Jessica and Charlotte were doing once-a-week parties instead of every day activities, we were elated at the prospect of simplification!

If you have no idea of what I write, you can visit Shower of Roses or Waltzing Matilda to learn more! The calendar is available for purchase hereand here, but you can print your own stickers and follow the directions to make your own poster here, too.

What We're Doing

We took the ideas from these two blogs from previous years and this year's recipes and are rotating homes hosting our very own Good Shepherd Garden Parties every Monday afternoon (the day that worked best for everyone because our children all take gymnastics together that day). Each party includes snacks, stories, crafts, etc... corresponding to the symbols for the coming week's stickers. Each mom only has to plan and host one party, because there are seven families participating (how cool is that?)!

We have the LTP poster, but the stickers are beginning to tear after two years of use, so I printed our own for this year. Each day with my children, I am still putting the symbol stickers on the poster, reading the reflection that comes with the store-bought calendar, and reading the Scripture. Inspired by Charlotte's idea to put the reflection and stickers in plastic eggs, each morning I hide an egg in our schoolroom for the children to find (or two or three, since we sometimes get behind like after the weekend). They take turns coloring the stickers while I read the reflection and Scripture and put it on our homemade poster. This has been very popular! And, I just don't have a good place to hang the eggs like she did, although it looks beautiful!

Week One

I hosted our first garden party. First, I welcomed everyone and wished the children a Merry Christmas (it was the day after Easter Sunday), confusing them even more by pulling out and reading The Legend of the Candy Cane. We talked about the candy cane representing a shepherd's crook, which led nicely into that day's symbol. I shared a little bit more about Jesus as the Good Shepherd and how the calendar works. Before the meeting, I had made prayer cards with a picture of our archbishop for the families to take home and remember our bishops are our shepherds, too.

Then, we popped some popcorn with our air popper and used the same discussion Jessica had last year about keeping the sheep (us) in the sheepfold (the bowl) and how the ones that fly across the kitchen (many of the children had never seen an air popper do this, so it was quite entertaining) are like when we wander away and sin. We used the Jerusalem's Gate craft from Little Saints (basically the children decorated a coloring page of heaven's gate with crayons, glitter, and cotton) and this quilling activity of a Sheep Notecard holder as our crafts. Each child chose one to complete, eating popcorn as they worked. Some took their quilling home to finish.

Next, I gathered the children for the story of Saint Francis and the Wolf and talked about keeping the sheep safe. Since it was common knowledge that wolves eat sheep, we closed by passing out lamb cupcakes for the children to devour like hungry wolves!

Everything was kept very simple and worked very well. It was easy to plan and easy to do!

Week Two

This week, another mom hosted. I am pretty sure she won't mind if I post what she did. She started out by showing the children her completed sticker poster focusing on the Lord's Table. She talked about how to demonstrate hospitality by setting the table and sharing a meal with guests. She had a handout of a place setting to give the children to take home and practice setting the table. She also read the adorable poem "Hey Diddle, Diddle! The Plate's in the Middle!" from Everyday Graces: A Child's Book Of Good Manners.

After demonstrating good hospitality by offering the children each a chair, she served yummy biscuits with butter and honey. She took croissant rolls and biscuits and split them in two, putting in honey and butter before baking. While the children ate, she read It Looked Like Spilt Milk by Charles Shaw which is a favorite, demonstrated by the accompanying recitation she had (and appears to be out of print :( so check your library).

Next, the children used purple paint to make fingerprint bunches of grapes. She gave them a Scripture verse to glue on the page when they were done. This was great! After a little break, she pulled out huge trays of fruit for the children to enjoy and wowed them with the old presliced banana trick! While they devoured the fruit, she asked them questions from a fruit quiz she had found on Enchanted Learning. Very fun!

Not Too Late!

As you can see, we are keeping it easy like Jessica and Charlotte, but we modified their idea to include more than just food but still only one thing for each symbol. I'll try to post photos if any of my cohorts have some. As you may have figured out by now, one of my blogging faults is forgetting to use my camera to capture such fun moments!

It's not too late to join the fun! We've only just begun the second week of Easter, and there are seven whole weeks. Check out the links and see what will work for your children! This is such a fun way to remember all 50 days of Easter!

Moments for Moms --- Begin Again

2010-04-12T19:27:00.002-05:00

The joy of Easter is still with us, but reality sinks in. The children are cranky from too much sugary treats and lack of routine over the last two weeks. Mom is realizing just why she always schools almost full-time through the summer (except this year) as the calendar reveals how little time we have to get done so much. It's raining, and all the children keep begging to do is play outside. Sigh!

Anyone feeling overwhelmed on this Monday? Me, too.

I could try to encourage you to keep plugging away (but I'm tired). I could tell you that it will be better tomorrow (but it might be worse). I could remind you that each of us was put in this place at this time by God, and that He has a reason for the character-building days you face.

Instead, I'll share some inspiration from other blogging mamas who have much more wisdom and experience in these trying times than I do. Although, I have written on this topic before.

1. The path is narrow. Allison posted about this list last month, and I SO appreciated her positive spin on it. If we are truly working towards our sanctification, it is going to be hard work.

2. Of course, Ann never ceases to amaze me with her simple, poetic honesty. All we must do is the very next thing...for Him.

3. Elizabeth's thoughts are truly priceless both on her blog and in her book. Namely, "The soul is healed by being with children," wrote Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Stay away from that which discourages and surround yourself with encouragement.

4. Karen reminds me to choose one or two things that will ensure a smoother day tomorrow. I am soon off to make a very short list!

5. Finding balance requires sacrifice and hard stops. Only prayer can make this possible. Thanks for reminding me, Jennifer!

And so, I will begin again, immediately, to serve God in this vocation He has most definitely chosen for me! His mercies may be new each morning, but I'm claiming them right now!

8 Weeks from Today!

2010-04-07T14:27:00.008-05:00

Can it really be? I'm teary when I think of that day. Eight weeks from today I should be holding my sweet little baby boy in my arms. My cup is overflowing.

Honestly, I also have butterflies in my tummy (not just from tiny feet kicking), although they are welcome butterflies. It has been five years since I have held my own newborn. I have been longing for this time, this big belly in the way, the aching back, the sore feet. Now, I embrace it all with joy that surprises even me, stopping to put my feet up without worrying about what is not getting done, gazing into the faces of my two oldest children as they tell me some vitally important non-sensical thing and wondering what will it be like?

He will be here in this room with me. How will I not become obsessed with his every breath? I see the crib still needing sheets and blankets. When will I finally get all those little things I still need for him? My last birth was a surprise c-section. Can I be strong for this surgery and not quiver with fear? His siblings are so excited. Will their joy continue through the disruption of their routines after his birth?

The answers do not really matter, because throughout it all I am and I will be praising Him.

I will praise Him. No. Matter. What. --- That has been my call for the past year, through angst and heartache, through doubt and fear, and now through joy and delight. --- I will praise Him. No. Matter. What.

Because He has done great things for me by giving me life through His death, by teaching me life through my own death to self in many, many ways these past ten years of living my vocation as a married woman. And, He is still teaching me, thank goodness! I want to be taught! His lessons are more precious than silver and gold or an infant's cry. He has all of the answers. He is the only answer.

Easter is about Resurrection. It is about dying to rise again. It is about celebrating new life and being awestruck by its beauty. It is about embracing the sorrows and hoping in Heaven. It is about having the courage to share encouragement in this often dark world. It is about rejoicing for the presence of those who walk this journey with us. Easter puts things in perspective.

So, today as I reflect on the ways these mothers (and so many more) valiantly give their all in pursuit of a life of holiness for themselves, their families, and others, I am inspired. For my sanctity depends on the daily commitment I make to lean on Christ for all things, today, eight weeks from today, and every day in between.

His empty tomb is an invitation to all of us to leave behind our old selves and put on the self He has created us to be! May we look forward to every new day as an opportunity to go beyond our imaginings and be invigorated by our own new life in Christ!

Delight in My Heart

2010-04-06T16:06:00.002-05:00

Happy Easter! I pray your family enjoyed a blessed and joyous day! Easter is absolutely my favorite holiday (and not only because of the jellybeans and chocolate bunnies! but they do make me giddy!).

What wisdom the Church has in giving us the silent, suffering preparation of Lent to prepare us for the delightful, glorious celebration of Easter! In fact, Lent is 40 days. The Easter Season is 50 days. To me, there is such poetry in the 50 days of Easter. In our home, we are enjoying the Garden of the Good Shepherd like last year with Jessica and Charlotte and some local friends, as well (more details in a later post). I long to savor every single day as a gift of joy!

The rhythm of our days has taken quite an upbeat turn. It is as if Jesus's Resurrection has infused my soul with a pleasant nature, a positive outlook, and a glow that seems more than just pregnancy hormones! I have come out of Lent seeing that God took my tiny efforts and blessed them. His mercy took my plans that fell apart gradually week by week and mended them, made them more meaningful, more delightful.

In fact, I feel as if I have come out of a cloud or a tunnel and can see things more clearly, with more grateful, sunny eyes. Don't get me wrong. The children's incessant inhalation of candy has certainly affected their behavior and challenged my resolve, but even with that, in the light of Christ's empty tomb, I can see such hope in our lives.

My daughter will soon receive the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Communion for the first time. God-willing, we will all gaze into the eyes of our little baby boy two months from now. My husband is pursuing potential opportunities to get us back home to Texas. And, the mercy the Lord has shown me has reminded me of the peace I can find in daily prayer (even when I don't feel like it).

I pray that you, too, have come out of the heavy cloud of Lent into a season of great joy! Please join my excitement in sharing this joy with our children for the next 47 days and intently focus our energy on communicating to them (partly without words) the abundant love of the Good Shepherd of us all!

Kind Conversation

2010-04-06T15:55:00.003-05:00

Simply wonderful! Elizabeth Foss has invited us all to "a quiet place to share a vision of rhythm and beauty, holiness and joy" at Kind Conversations!

This new forum looks so beautiful and full of such potential to be an encouraging, uplifting, engaging place for positive discussions about our lives as Catholic (homeschooling) wives and mothers. I have yet to learn how to fully use the site, but I am thrilled with the conversations that have already begun.

Join Kind Conversations today (you must join to view)!

Monday Moments for Moms - Focus on Him

2010-03-29T14:07:00.005-05:00

It is Holy Week. What a gift the Church gives us in designating this week to reflect on the Passion of the Lord! Regardless of how faithfully or unfaithfully we have kept our Lenten observances, we have this sacred week to more intently focus our gaze on Jesus.

I was blessed to attend a very enjoyable, relaxed homeschool convention this past Saturday, and the keynote speaker gave wise advice on maximizing your family's potential. It was simply to keep your focal point on God at all times. This week is the perfect opportunity to ensure we are looking to Him for everything.

She used the metaphor of a dancer doing turns who selects a point to spot while spinning across the floor. The goal of a dance turn is to keep your eyes on that one spot as long as possible until you must turn your head and then snap your head back around to focus on it again as fast as you can. This keeps the dancer from becoming dizzy, losing his/her balance, and possibly falling.

It is the same in our families. Despite the distractions of daily life, we must constantly remind ourselves to turn back to Him. When we feel frazzled or dizzy, we must turn back to God. He will help us keep our balance in our busy lives, so we do not fall as often.

Holy Week is a beautiful time to eliminate distractions and keep our focus on God. Hopefully, we all have a way to simplify our daily lives and focus more regularly on Him. This might include more frequent stops in your day for prayer and/or finding easy activities to remember daily what this week means.

One of my favorite readings for this week is in Max Lucado's book, And the Angels Were Silent: Walking with Christ Toward the Cross. Chapter 21 is called "He Chose You...," and it brings me to tears every Holy Week. You can read the whole chapter here on Google Books!

Below, I leave you with a reminder of Who we should see everywhere we look this week, in our children, in our husbands, in strangers, in friends...and the only homeschool lesson we need to teach our children this Holiest Week. Watch the Lamb.

Monday Moments for Moms - Unique Souls

2010-03-22T21:02:00.005-05:00

At my OB appointment last week, the doctor informed me that I would need to make an appointment to go back in two weeks instead of a month, because I'm officially in my last trimester. Most of us know that drill, but I was genuinely surprised by the reminder that I will be meeting this little guy sooner rather than later. It has been hard for me to remember "how far along" I am this pregnancy, as my focus has been on just getting to my due date.

All weekend, I have been pondering the precious lives of my children. How can we not, given recent current events? Our weekend was totally relaxed and free of activities (besides Mass), so I had plenty of time to sit with my husband and watch my children dance and dig in the dirt. They really are amazing! And, I began to wonder what their little brother will be like.

We have been given unique souls, each made in the image of the eternal God, entrusted to our tender care. Wow. Each child is special in his/her own way. Their eyes are different. Their laughs are unique. We know each one's footsteps. We know each one's cries. Sure, there are similarities, given their DNA, but their entire person and personality are solely theirs.

Do I give each child the attention due his/her uniqueness? Do I look at each child with fresh eyes? Do I listen with new ears? Do I speak with an original tone? Do I truly appreciate each individual child as a separate soul? Do I recognize the gift every one of my children is every single day?

This is my desire, to truly recognize that each of my children's needs are different, and that while some things may need to be the same for the sake of family harmony, I do need to treat each child uniquely. As Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians, while we are all a part of the Body of Christ, we all have different gifts. In fact, the Lord has forced me to look at my own individuality in recent weeks, and I can see His mercy in leading me to see my children in the same light.

Part of why we homeschool is to embrace individual learning styles and personalities, but for many reasons, our awareness of these in our children can easily slip away. Think about each child as an individual this week, and avoid the herd mentality of our culture of conformity. By focusing on these precious lives, perhaps we can atone for some part of the sins of our country and reaffirm a culture of life.

Wise Little Flowers

2010-03-15T14:50:00.004-05:00

Now that I have changed our meeting schedule to get done before Baby is born, things are moving more quickly, and this post got lost in the shuffle. Finally, it is finished!

We had our meeting on Wisdom last Friday. After our typical opening prayers, I talked with the girls about the virtue. First, we remembered that Wisdom is part of Prudence, our last virtue, and the girls remembered that Prudence is about thinking wisely, deciding carefully, and acting appropriately. Wisdom is a huge part of the thinking part.

Some people confuse Wisdom with Knowledge, so to simplify it for the girls, we said Knowledge is facts about things and Wisdom is understanding about God and life. With Wisdom we must acknowledge that we can never know everything. We discussed having Wisdom without Knowledge versus having Knowledge without Wisdom. I gave the examples of St. Rose of Lima and Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha who were wise enough to follow a path to Heaven with no formal education.

Wisdom is a gift from the Holy Spirit that we receive at Baptism, but like any gift, if we do not use it, it goes to waste. We can also gain Wisdom from the Bible, the Church, the saints, our parents, etc... I stressed to the girls that I want them to focus, for now, on gaining Wisdom from Scripture and from experience. To illustrate how we gain Wisdom from experience, I pulled out a hula hoop.

The girls all stood in a circle holding hands and had to pass the hula hoop all the way around the circle without using their hands. Most of them had never done this before, so it worked really well in demonstrating how the experience taught them something new they might be able to use again in the future. Indeed, many of the girls at the end of the circle had an easier time moving the hoop than those in the beginning.

I reminded the girls that we can only gain Wisdom if we are open to God's teaching. I held up a sponge and a rock and asked them which is the type of heart we need to be open to God and why. They clearly understood that we must be soft like the sponge and willing to learn. I explained that God often teaches us through other people, like our parents, so it is important to receive their instructions with a spongey heart!

Then, I read the girls this version of the "Very Wise King," King Solomon. I stressed that Solomon was open to learning from a tiny, insignificant bee. Holding up a silk iris, I explained that the purple iris has long been known as a symbol of wisdom. I also shared that the word Iris means "rainbow," which reminds me of God's covenant of love, His promise to always give us what we need, including Wisdom.

Our craft for the day was to make bookmarks, and I chose these beautiful ones from Oriental Trading Company at Jessica's suggestion. The mothers had to bend the wires for most of the girls, but the girls were very pleased with their creations. Knowing this would not take much time, I asked the girls in advance to bring a book or story that has taught them a lesson to share with their rose groups. So, as the girls finished stringing the beads and waited on the mothers to assemble the bookmarks, they talked about the books and stories they brought and what they learned from them.

After our snack break, we played a simplistic version of Jeopardy to see if the girls had grown in Wisdom regarding our Little Flowers virtues. I split the girls into two teams and had five questions that applied to the first four virtues we studied in this wreath: Mercy, Courage, Joy, Generosity. Each was worth a different amount of points. The teams chose the question, but I chose the virtue for which they would give the answer. Here were the questions and points offered:

What does the virtue mean? 100
Give an example of living the virtue. 200
Who is the saint for the virtue and why? 300
What is the flower for the virtue and why? 400
Sing the Scripture verse song for the virtue. 500

The girls had a lot of fun, and it was a very close game! When I split the teams, I made sure they had similar numbers of girls from all ages, and I specifically asked the older girls to be sure to include the younger ones. It was so cute to see the older ones whispering answers in the younger girls' ears to tell me!

Then, I shared with them about St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, also known as Edith Stein, the saint for Wisdom. I told them she was born in Germany of a Jewish family but became an atheist at age 13. I explained she was very intelligent and studied under many famous professors, receiving a doctorate in philosophy, and being well-known as an intellectual.

She became Catholic after reading St. Teresa of Avila's autobiography, which devastated her Jewish family. When the Nazis came to power in Germany, though, she was persecuted as a Jew, based on her heritage. She entered the Carmelite Monastery and was sent to Netherlands to avoid such persecution, but when the Germans occupied the Netherlands, she was arrested. They sent her to a concentration camp where she was sent to the gas chambers to die along with her sister, also a convert and Carmelite nun.

The girls then worked on their virtue pages. Since the color for this virtue is silver, I decided to use a white background and give them aluminum foil to add the silver. They turned out nicely.

We closed with our Scripture song and closing prayers, and then I distributed their patches from previous virtues along with their Patch Project Sheets and Practice Pages seen below (if you can't download these, let me know; Scribd has been acting funny). It always gives me such joy to see their pride in receiving the patches for spending time practicing the virtues.

Wisdom Patch Project Sheet

Wisdom Practice Sheet

Monday Motivator for Moms - Joy

2010-03-15T13:15:00.003-05:00

What brings you joy?

What robs you of joy?

This weekend I was blessed to discuss these two questions with a group of faith-filled Catholic homeschooling mothers! Inspired by resources like the Fall 2008 issue of mater et magistra, Rachel Watkins's talk titled "Joy for the Asking, Joy for the Keeping" given at the Family Centered Learning Conference last summer (her notes here and mp3 of talk here), The Joyful Home Schooler by Mary Hood, and some wonderful ideas from a recent 4RealForum thread, we shared breakfast and conversation about finding and maintaining joy in our homeschooling lifestyle.

The first part of our conversation focused on how to find joy in our lives. We ranged from the basic understanding that joy is a gift from God to how to have fun with your children. The virtue of joy is available to us "for the asking" from our Baptism. Only God can bring true joy into our lives. Of course, the type of joy God gives is not the same as the type of happiness the world promotes, that which mostly comes from a result of sensual satisfaction. It is, instead, an internal joy, resulting from our faith that the Lord knows what is best for us and is with us, even in our darkest hours.

External joy is also important but is only a result of internal joy. Perhaps more aptly called cheerfulness, this includes smiling, laughing, and maintaining a positive attitude. Sometimes this is not appropriate, and often it is not easy. But, as mothers, it is something we must strive to model for our children, even when we do not feel like it.

Apparently, the world is so obsessed with being unhappy that a Harvard professor created a "science of happiness and potential" and offered a course titled - "Positive Psychology," which was the most popular freshman course in 2006. You can read more here and watch more here. He asserts, "You can absolutely teach people to be happy," and I agree. As Catholic homeschoolers, this must be part of the character education we provide for our children.

Of course, you cannot teach someone without some background of knowledge, and the best way to teach joy is to possess it. The rest of our breakfast conversation focused on what things steal our joy from us and how to avoid them, protecting the gift God has given us. It might be piles of laundry that rob your joy. It might be a husband who always comes home late. It might be a child who only does things halfway. Regardless, mothers must guard our joy, finding practical ways to overcome those challenges (i.e. hide the laundry piles, schedule a family night once or twice a week, invest the time to make sure the child does a particular chore correctly).

We also shared some of the sorrows that can come from burnout and a lack of joy, like anger, which can both ultimately lead to depression if we are not careful. The tissue box was passed around, and most of us admitted we sometimes get tired of homeschooling and more often scream at our children. If you struggle with burnout, there are wise words in Elizabeth's chapter on burnout in Real Learning (currently OOP but a new printing has just been ordered) and some simple advice from Sarah here. My favorite book for mothers on managing anger is She's Gonna Blow!

Some excellent suggestions on ways to preserve joy are to create a gratitude journal like Ann by listing the blessings in your life or a list of things you can do that bring you and the children joy like Elizabeth suggests to prevent or overcome burnout. These things do not have to be complex. It might be as simple as letting your children paint all the fallen coconuts in your yard (if you live in South Florida!) or keeping a chocolate stash just for mom.

Most importantly, throughout our entire conversation, I realized that it must be a conscious prayer to accept the joy the Holy Spirit gives freely and a deliberate decision to protect that joy in our everyday lives, especially if you have melancholic tendencies like me. So, what is it that brings you joy? How do you find that crucial internal joy in the Lord? And, how do you share your joy with others on a daily basis?

Time

2010-03-08T14:30:00.003-05:00

Have you ever noticed how children old enough to understand a calendar and know the days of the week count days when awaiting a big event? They might say, my grandparents come in three days, or we go to the river in four days. I would include one day less. Here's why...

Today is Monday. Grandparents come Wednesday. They count today, tomorrow, and Wednesday. We go to the river Thursday. They count today, tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday.

I would say grandparents come in two days, counting the 24 hours from today to tomorrow and from tomorrow to Wednesday. I would say we go to the river in three days in the exact same manner.

Am I missing a day? Do I let time go too quickly? How can I treasure each day like they do?!

Monday Motivator

2010-03-08T05:55:00.002-05:00

It's Monday. It's March. We're approximately halfway through Lent. Can you believe it? Below are a few thoughts that God put on my heart during my Rosary this weekend. I was very uplifted by the encouragement and thought you might be, too!

I was praying the Rosary in the car, by myself (it was both beautiful and lonely without little voices interrupting regularly), along with my old Mary Foundation CD. Since it was Saturday, I was meditating on the Joyful Mysteries, which was excellent timing, because I really needed some joy that day. For each mystery, I captured a thought on which to meditate that really boosted my spirit (so much so that I wrote them down at stoplights!). Maybe you can try them today!

Annunciation ~ The angel came to Mary like God came to the world to bring the Good News! How often do I recognize His Good News and share it with my children? Jesus really does love each one of us perfectly, no matter what, because He sees the good in us! So, just because I'm not doing so well on a few of my Lenten commitments, I can start anew today.

Visitation ~ We need each other, specifically mothers need other mothers. Do I actively work on my friendships with other mothers? Having an extended conversation with a good friend once a week when I could/should be doing something else is an enormous emotional boost that I need to allow myself. I am a better mother when I connect with others.

Nativity ~ God chose to come as a child, because children are precious. What do I see when I look at my children? They are precious souls entrusted to my care, and they are beautiful images of God, even when they fuss about doing math. My energies need to be focused on always doing what is best for them and putting them at the top of my list.

Presentation ~ Offer everything to God, the days, the decisions, the people, the itty bitty details; He will take the best care of me. Where do I need to let go and honor God's faithfulness by really believing He knows best? This requires having confidence in the decisions we make, and also trusting Him to mend the mistakes when they happen.

Finding ~ God is right here next to me, all the time. When do I remember that? When my heart starts to race with anxiety or anger, I need to breathe in God. I must remember that He is near. I must believe in His presence in my soul. I cannot continue to frantically search for Him, but I must know He is here.

May this week fill each of you with joy in God's awesome generosity!

Fearing Silence

2010-03-06T05:55:00.001-05:00

Once again Ann's words, rich with what the Holy Spirit needs me to hear, have brought me to tears. She writes eloquently, as always, on my word, my reflection for this year, causing me to wonder what layers of fear I must still peel away to get at true silence, that interior silence which can fill my days if only I let Him into the depths, the darkest recesses, and just breathe.

Please head over and read her post, When You Are Afraid of Silence...

Teaching from the Heart

2010-03-05T21:16:00.005-05:00

The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom.

Henry Ward Beecher

Thanks to Gae for sharing this wonderful quote, reaffirming my belief that my children belong intimately close to this mother's heart for their school days.