In the quiet dark, save for the hum of the dryer, I scoop up scattered rattles and stacking cups from the living room floor, my throat sore from the exertion of the day called yelling. Monday. The hardest day of the week. And yet it always catches me off guard, no matter how optimistically I prepare for it.
The children were not giddy over completing math, reading, writing lessons. Why does this surprise me? Their dawdling tried my patience, and the teething baby whined. I am pulled in all directions at once, and I open the window to welcome spring breezes, hoping to change the air.
It does not work. They grumble and complain. Hours later we finish the short lessons, break for lunch, the oldest and I finish spelling, which drags, punctuated by my middle child's interruptions for attention, his feet conveniently getting in his sister's way one too many times.
That's okay. We have a playdate scheduled for the afternoon. A chance for children to play carefree and mothers to encourage one another. Yet, they cancel. We are home alone, and I collapse on the floor with the whining baby, dumping a toy bin of rattles and stacking cups to occupy him.
As I doze in and out of sleep, the older children are busy. My daughter approaches with coupons for a hug, a game, a tickle. My son bounces his silly putty about. They play carefree, and I try to recall I am not alone. The UPS man calls through the open window so as not to startle me as he approaches, and I cheerfully accept the package.
For, there are millions of mothers out there having the same day as me. Motherhood is not easy. More importantly, holiness is not easy, and this is the path God has chosen for me to grow in holiness. I am weak, and I beg Him for mercy to cover my faults.
Today was not a good day, but fortunately, several good days are still fresh in my mind from last week. We will start again tomorrow. I end the day with an extra-long squeeze for each big kid, looking them in the eyes and reminding them that tomorrow is a fresh beginning for us, encouraging them to sleep peacefully and reminding them of my love and His.