Friday, July 24, 2009
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Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Actually, as many of you probably know, as soon as people start praising you for something and you start to gain some? too much? confidence, humility gets thrown in your face like a meringue pie! And, since I said I would try to articulate what is going on in my spiritual life as I am able, here I am.
The webinars (watch here and here) I did for Homeschool Connections were great! Most everybody said the content was much-needed, and the delivery was enjoyable. (thanks) It follows, then, that the past week has made me feel like a complete hypocrite and an utter failure as a homeschooling mother. It was supposed to help that I went to a Catholic homeschooling conference last weekend, and it did while I was there, but then I came home...
So, this post is an effort to be humble - to say that while I do have a lot of great knowledge and insight into how to be successful at homeschooling and motherhood, I am not necessarily applying it to my life. Why? I have several theories that are too personal to share in this space, but, suffice it to say, getting out of bed in the morning is lately a great chore for me, which says a lot about how I approach the rest of my days.
I am going to make an assumption here that in some aspect of your life, you, too, have had all the know-how but still not done what you knew was best. Why do we do it? There has to be an easier way, we say. Nothing bad will happen if we don't do it, we think. Who cares, we wonder? Well, God cares. He is watching, and He wants our best, at all times, in all aspects of our lives. And, our best is what He has given us, because our abilities and our know-how are all from Him! He created us in His Image, which is perfection, our very best selves. Are we offering that back to Him?
This is where I am. Realizing I am not giving God my best and a breath away from actually trying to give it to Him.
Lord, as St. Juan Diego told Our Lady..."I am a nobody, I am a small rope, a tiny ladder, the tail end, a leaf." You are my everything. I give myself back to you. Please permit me the grace to clean off my desk and love my children more (not necessarily in that order). ;)
Monday, July 20, 2009
I have not been able to put into words my current longings and the state of my soul, but the above combined with the quote below I just read at Holy Experience echo my desires and my struggles, right now:
“We need to find God, and He cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” ~ Mother Teresa
When I can articulate more, I will post more. Praying for you...